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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
May282009

Purging the Evil Within

There was a time when I was accused of excessive harping on the evil that is the Cupcake Cake (CCC, for short). So, I piped down (pun intended). However, since more of you newbie Wrecktators are asking me what a CCC is, I believe the time has come for a refresher course. I can't have you lackeys out there fighting Wreckage you don't fully understand, now, can I?

Now gather 'round, and prepare to have your innocence shattered.

Behold!


Just look at this hulking terror, poised to pounce on common decency and smother it with its blue-smeared putrescence. Back away slowly, now, and no one will get hurt.

Remember ol' Stay-Puft? Well, he's got nothing on Blueberry Sherry here:

She looks ready to stomp her way downtown and gobble up some taxi cabs, doesn't she? I particularly like the concave face, though: it lends a little "Le Neanderthal Chic".

Since most large chain bakeries require their bakers to make CCCs, decorators have learned to cope with these horrors in a variety of ways.

Some have a blinding sense of ambition...

"I will make a football out of cupcakes. I WILL!!!"

Others try to hide their shameful creations any way they can:

"Cupcake Cake? Where? I don't know what you mean; this here is just a simple layer cake. With candles. Yep, no cupcakes here! La Tee Da..."

A few remain in classic stages of denial:

"It is a sheet cake. It IS!
Now hand me that bucket of 'Happy Birthday' picks; I think I missed a spot.
"

And finally, some decorators have clearly been pushed beyond the bounds of sanity, but at least they're having a ripping-good time:

[maniacal giggling]


Kristi M., Vanessa H., Laura H., Sharon P., Jeremy P., Misty K., & Regina H., I think we need to step up our Anti-CCC efforts. These things are getting worse!

Wednesday
May272009

A Lesson in Proper Penmanship

Today, class, we're going to review the art of cake inscriptions, as well as some problem-solving techniques that will come in handy while on the job. Now remember: the hand-written message is the crowning jewel of every cake, and should showcase not only your skill, but also how much you care.

Take this one, for example:

Lovely, Dana K., lovely. There's no question that Ben felt special upon seeing this. Oh, and class, see how she filled in that awkward blank area with a mass of ribbon? That's called "thinking on your feet." There's no sense in wasting edible decor when you can simply reuse gift wrap you have on hand.

Andy B., pop quiz: What do you do when you run out of icing mid-inscription? Do you make more, or simply switch colors and hope no ones notices?

Haha, that's correct! Remember, class: Many children are colorblind. And the ones that aren't are generally too buzzed on sugar and caffeine to notice petty things like spacing, spelling, or sperm-like balloons.

Now, Erin S., say you have a small cake that someone wants you to write a message on, but you've also been wanting to try out the new 'blob' flower technique you saw on Careless Cakes. Which gets priority: the message, or the blobs?

Also correct! You see, class, this is why it's important to fill the entire cake with your design; so the message you write on top of it is uniformly difficult to read. As an added bonus, it's much harder for the client to spot any misspellings this way.

And lastly, Bethany T. is going to show us two things every baker should make more use of: plastic picks and abbreviations.

Wow, Bethany; I think that "BS" stands for "Beautifully Scripted!" I like how the color almost matches the birthday pick, too, but is off just enough to clash spectacularly - that took a lot of talent, I know.

[bell ringing] Well, that's all we have time for today, class. Remember to practice those blobs for next week's "Plop-a-Flower" review!