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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jun162009

Better Dieting Through Cake

NOTE: Now really isn't the time to start eating that bagel - or anything else, for that matter. :D

So, are you ready for swimsuit season? No? Then join the Cake Wrecks Appetite-Suppression Program, and get a thinner you in no time!

Yes, that's right! With a steady "visual diet" of Wrecks like these:

You'll find yourself craving all foods less and less!

For example: Are you having a hard time saying "no" to fatty animal shanks? (Because, really, who isn't?) Well, with our proven "You'll Hope They're Cloves!" model, you're guaranteed to never desire streaky blackened meat-on-the-bone ever again!

You're already reconsidering that lunch order, aren't you? Now imagine the results you'll get with a full 24/7 regimen!

It's so easy! The Cake Wrecks Appetite-Suppression Program contains a heart-healthy sculpted-cake medley of:

Disgusting food products...

(Red meat, green meat, meat that oozes, meat that's rare...)

Enlarged insects...

(Post-stompage for maximum effectiveness)

And of course, plenty of poo-like piles...

(Just a little dab'll do ya!)

All guaranteed to get you the results you want!

And for those dieting emergencies when you need an extra-strength dose of appetite suppressing Wreckage, there's our special "medical specimens" selection:

Filled with jelly, so you won't fill your belly!

Melinda A., Tricia A., Kathleen, Jenn J., Kristin, & Debra F., eat your heart out.

Or don't, 'cuz that's kinda gross.

*Related Wreckage: The Cake Head Diet Aid

Monday
Jun152009

Who's Your "Dady"?

Most Dads get cards and cake on only two occasions each year: their birthdays and Father's Day. Since Father's Day is coming up soon, let's see how you Dads have been making out for your birthdays, eh?

Huh. Now, I hear you when you say "it's the thought that counts," Janet S., but I'm pretty sure that doesn't include afterthoughts. Particularly misspelled ones. Right, "Dady"?


Well, this one sure is pretty, which - as Elena N. knows - is always key when buying the old man a cake. But, "Daday"? Really? Who even pronounces it that way? (And before you ask: yes, this was supposed to read "Daddy".)

At least this next one *sounds* right:

"Deddie" - see? That works.

Wait a minute, though...something's not right here. What's with all the pink? And the polka-dotted mountains/slides/sleep mask?

What's that, Melissa K.? This was for Debbie, the breast cancer survivor?!?

Ah.

Well geez, that really doesn't belong in this post at all, then, does it? Heheh.

[tugging at collar] Ahem. So, moving on...

Yep, this too was supposed to say "Daddy". Very... creative. And that's a nice use of all-caps. When in doubt, scream it, I always say.

RIGHT, MICKI H.?!?

[wicked grin]

So, I think we've all learned some valuable lessons here today. First, stick with "Dad" on the cake, and you'll have no problems at all:

Nope, nooo problems at all.

(Yes, I see it, folks. See, I'm employing a clever bit of sarcasm here. Because I love sarcasm. Really.)

And secondly, when in doubt, SCREAM IT. (Tod & Cathy J., I must have that stitched on a pillow.)

Father's Day is this Sunday. Tired of getting Dad a boring old tie for the occasion? Then how about getting him a Carrot Jockey tie? Eh? No need to thank me; I'm just here to help.