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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jun202012

Meanwhile, at the Unintentionally Erotic Bakery...

"Deb, you've outdone yourself!"

"Aww, thanks, Pat!"

"So, what do you call it?"

"Well, with all the candied cherries on there, I'm thinking...'THE CHERRY POPPIN' CANDY CASTLE!' What do you think?"

"I like it."

"AND, we can throw in a half dozen 'Tunnel of Love' cookies with each order!"

"Oooh, good idea! Especially since no one but those college guys will buy any."

"Yeah...I guess the extra icing must be turning people off - too many calories. Remember how that lady said they weren't family-friendly?"

"That was kind of wierd. Must be one of those health nuts."

"Aw, you know how it is. People are so paranoid about what they put in their mouths these days."

 

Thanks to Anony M. & Christina P. for the great spread.

Tuesday
Jun192012

Ties That Blind

Father's Day has come and gone once again, but it left its legacy behind in our nation's bakeries:

Specifically, a legacy of not knowing what the heck a necktie looks like.

I prefer to think of this as the Dark Crystal being picked up by The Claw.

 

Remember that old schoolyard insult, "Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?"

I'd like to amend that to "...or did your necktie throw up?"

Ewww. It's even filling the shirt pocket. [shudder]

 

At first I was all excited that this next baker got it right, but then...

Hey, waaaaait a minute...

 

Eventually the Corporate Cheeses realized the humble necktie was vastly beyond most bakers' skill set, so they helpfully shipped out a bunch of plastic ones bakers could just stick on a shirt cake.

This solved the problem completely.

And by "completely," I mean, "how ELSE would we know what this cake is supposed to be?"

Seriously. Take away the plastic tie and you've got Envelope Man with Smurf measles. But put the plastic tie ON and you've got...um...

Daddy? Is that you?

 

Call me old-fashioned*, but I still like the old way better; no plastic, no cheating, just an underpaid yahoo, his piping bag, and a pearl necklace/tie combo for the ages:

(I'm guessing they added the tie after Mother's Day.)

 

Thanks to Anony M., Camille L., Jessica J., Heather M., Yolan, & Lelia C. for reminding me that bow ties are way cooler.

 

*'Cuz I'm all about muddling dissolved sugar with bitters and adding whiskey with a twist of citrus rind. Aww yeeeah.