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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
May132009

Gothic Miss

You guys keep asking for 'em, so who am I to deprive you of some rich schadenfreude?

What the bride wanted:

Personally I think the dripping ganache thing looks a little Sylar-esque, but it turns out that's intentional; the happy couple planned to use a Corpse Bride topper, and so wanted an elegant Gothic vibe.

Instead, they got more of a dumpy glazed-doughnut vibe:


[snickering] I'm sorry, but I think I'm in love with this photo. As you scroll down, first you see the incredulous expression on the bride's face (she's the one in green), and then...THE WRECK. Hah! Hoo boy, that's good stuff. In fact, I've been amusing myself by picturing a little thought bubble over her head, and filling in the blanks*. Hehheheh.

Fortunately she didn't let it ruin her big day, though: you can read the bride's account of everything on her blog here.

And here's a better view of the Wreckage:

Niiiice. That chocolate looks positively...crinkly. On the (literal) bright side, though, the blindingly reflective "rose leaves" prevented any of the guests from looking directly at the cake. See, Christiana M.? There's a silver lining to everything!

*But why should I have all the fun? Give me your best caption in the comments. The one that makes John giggle 'til he snorts wins!

Tuesday
May122009

Happy Birthday to Meeee!

GUESS WHAT?!?

It's muh birfday.

Awwww yeeeeaaah.

Now, I could celebrate by taking a cruise:

(A really really short one.)

Or by getting myself a new pair of...shoes:


Or go the traditional route and just get schnockered on booze sprinkles:

(After which I will apparently choke on ribbon and die. Hm. Ok, maybe not.)

And yet, all of those options (particularly the last one) pale in comparison to how I'm going to celebrate my birthday. How's that, you ask? Well, allow me to tell you...in song.

Hit it, Bobby!

[cranking up Ghostbusters 2 soundtrack]

"Too hot to handle, to cold to hold,
my name is Jen Yates and it's my birthday, yo!
So I'm throwin' a party, virtually speaking,
And I've got amazing news so please keep reading.
Now pack up your group, get a grip, come equipped,
Go pre-order lots of my book and then split!"

[music screeching to a halt] Of course I mean "split" in the ice-cream-eating way, not the hike-taking way - but you knew that, right?

And did you catch the big shocking news*, or were my sweet rhymes too dazzling for you? (*Granted, it's not quite as shocking for you Twits, since I inadvertently leaked it last week...) Yep, that's right: Cake Wrecks the book is now available for pre-order! Can we take a moment to savor that bit of sweet insanity?

[savoring] Mmmm. Yeah. That's the stuff.

Now, since I know how absolutely terrible you must feel over not getting me a birthday present - or even a card! You bum! - may I suggest a way to alleviate that burden? Buy yourself a gift. The gift... [cuing Hallmark music] of laughter:

(NOTE: This is NOT the final cover. Check back at 12 pm EST to vote for the cover you like best!)

[announcer voice] Yes, that's right! You'll get this lovely 6x8 hardcover edition of Cake Wrecks, When Professional Cake Go Hilariously Wrong, with over 19o pages of new Wreckage, fan favorites, behind-the-scenes commentary from Jen, reader stories, cakey controversies, and much, much more, all for the low price of $12.99! What a deal!

Why pre-order today? I'll give you seven good reasons:

7. It costs a heckuva lot less than a CW t-shirt.
6. It makes me look good.
5. Buy one for all your friends, and your Christmas shopping is done.
4. You'll get the book automatically shipped to you as soon as it's released.
3. High volumes of pre-orders somehow factor in to the mysterious industry formula that lands titles on best-sellers lists. Is that a lofty goal? Sure it is. So loft with me, darlings.
2. Every single order will give me a personal warm fuzzy. And it's my birthday, so today's the best time to send me warm fuzzies.

And the number one reason to pre-order Cake Wrecks today? (drum-roll, please.)

1. The Carrot Jockeys command you!

Wrecky World Domination, here they come! ;)

You can order Cake Wrecks: When Professional Cakes Go Hilariously Wrong from Barnes & Noble, Borders, or Amazon. (And as a bonus, both Barnes & Noble and Amazon are now offering impressive discounts off the cover price.) So what are you waiting for? Do it! Do it NOW!!