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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Aug112010

A Marriage in Idle

Welcome back...to...A Marriage In Idle.

Our first contestant Susan has dreams of flying high, but does she have more than a wing and a prayer? Let's find out.

"Hi, my name is Susan, and I'm going to do Wind Beneath My Wings:"


Darla: "Ok, Sweetie, go ahead."

Susan: [cracking knuckles] "Alright. Here goes."


Darla: "Um... Ok! Randall? What do you think?"

Randall: "I dunno, dawg. I mean, it was really pitchy there in the middle, you know, when it almost fell over? And you just didn't go high enough. Sorry."

Darla: "I have to agree with Randall. When I look at you, I see JOY. But I just don't taste the joy. What? Nigel, why are you always laughing at me?"


Nigel: [eye roll] "Look, Susan, I simply don't know what to say to you. It was complete and utter crap. Oh, hey, I guess I did know what to say."

Next up is Michael, who hopes his rendition of Under the Sea won't leave the judges all wet.


[voice cracking] "Hi, I'm Michael, and I'm going to do Under the Sea.

Um. Should I just start?"

Nigel: "YES, Michael. While the sun's still up, if you please."

"Oh, Ok."

Nigel: [head in hands] "Oh, Michael. Michael, Michael, Michael."

"Uh. Yes, Nigel?"

"THAT, Michael, was completely -and I mean this in all seriousness - completely and irrevocably the worst thing I have ever seen created in five years. It was a nightmare. A total nightmare."

Randall: "Yeah, sorry, dawg."

Darla: "Maybe next year. Don't lose that sparkle!"

Can our next contestant Kelli win the judges over, or will her wreck get in the way?

"Hi there! I'm Kelli, and I'm going to do The Words Get in the Way."


Randall: [sucking air through teeth] "Oooh. Wow. I'm sorry, dawg, but that was not good. What do you think, Darla?"

Darla: "There's something very special about you, Kelli. A kind of hazy...colorful...haze. Yeah. In fact, I think...I think I love you. OW! Nigel, what was that for?"

Nigel: "Darla, don't make me take away your sippy cup again."

Kelli: "Um...so...does that mean I win?"


Nigel: "Kelli, there aren't enough words in the English language to adequately describe how terrible that was. Looking at your cake is like having my eyes plucked out, wrapped in burlap, and beaten with a cactus. I'm actually nauseated. You disgust me."

Kelli: "So...no?"

Wow, it's been a rough night for our wreckerators. Will Billy, our final contestant of the night, turn things around?

"My name's Billy, and I'm gonna rock your worlds with Pretty Pink Ribbons, by Cake."

Randall: "Wow. Nice choice."

Billy: "Yes, sir. Prepare to be amazed."


Darla: "WHAT IN THE H...[falling out of chair]...oooph!"

Randall: "Sorry, Darla. Here, have your sippy cup."

Darla: [from floor] "Bad! Baaaad!!"

Randall: "Yeah, I gotta say, dawg, that is pretty heinous. Nigel?"

Nigel: "I rather like it."

Jenna C., Josee, Diana B., & Katie C., I'd say your wedding wrecks and a snarky British judge are a match made in heaven.

Tuesday
Aug102010

What The Buck

 

Hi-ho! It's Number 1 again. You know, lately, maybe due to hunting season (wait, when IS hunting season?) we've seen an influx of deer cakes. Now, sure, the customers got a raw deal with these wrecks, but as an animal-lover I think it's also important to see things from the deer's perspective.

 

Take this guy. Here he was, minding his own business, when someone came along and punched him in the eye!


Poor defenseless little creat.... wait, is that a cupcake cake? Gimme your rifle.

 

 

Just think of how difficult it must have been for this cross-eyed deer to see his way out of the forest fire:
"My rack! My rack! My rack is on fi-yurrr!"

 

(Why am I suddenly craving roasted almonds?)

 

And do you know how hard it is for poor Stumpy here to navigate the forest underbrush on a Roomba?

 

Frankly, my deer, it sucks.

 

 

Our next friend is just swell:
Somebody get Puffy here a Benadryl.

 

 

So, the next time you're faced with a wrecky deer cake, don't be so quick to judge. They've been through a lot, what with hunters and fires and allergic reactions and earthquakes and killer bee swarms... so can we just vow to leave these vulnerable deer alone??

 

 

OMG, wait. This one looks delicious.

 

Fudgy icing, angel hair pasta, and raspberry jam? That's great taste and execution!

 

 

Thanks, Marisa W., Terri C., Bonnie, cewest84, and Zephyr! If you ever hoof it over to my side of town, give me a rein! You're all I really caribou, and I promise not to leave you stag! (Not really. Please don't call me.)