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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Saturday
Mar172012

THERE WILL BE NO "HAPPY"

Wow. I guess this guy started his celebrating early! He's even looking a little green.

And yes, sorry, dude; I'll quit screaming now.

 

Oh, but I can't let you go without at least one St. Patrick's day greeting, so here:

Haha, just kidding! This is actually a sobriety test. If all you can see is the word "SMEGHIT" then you should probably stay in tonight.

 

Speaking of which, you guys are welcome to join me, John, and my Guinness-soaked chocolate chips tonight for a few rounds of our new Supernatural drinking game. The rules are simple: just drink when any of the characters do. We should all be smashed by the first commercial break. ["SMEGHIT!!"]

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get ready for tonight's marathon by salting the doors and windows and finding an iron poker and also learning how to kiss in Irish.

Er, those things aren't all necessarily related, btw.

 

OR ARE THEY?

(Sam? Dean? Thoughts?)


Thanks to Constance H., Alisa B., & Laura M., who thinks someone may have actually asked that last baker to write, "Kiss me," IN IRISH.

Sadly, the world may never know.

Friday
Mar162012

Pucker Up, St. Patrick!

Friends, tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, and that means you're going to be facing down a drunken horde wearing funny green hats and demanding that you kiss them. [KISS ME]

But I'm here to help. [KISS ME NOW!]

 

First, you should know that alcohol has a way of reducing inhibitions, and also that Oscar here may have sniffed a little too much finger paint yesterday:

"Let's get trashed!!"

 

Second, just because a person is Irish doesn't mean you have to kiss them.

I'm getting some mixed signals here, to be honest.


Hey, this is a free country! You can kiss any one or any thing you want! Still, there are a few red flags to watch for when deciding whether or not someone is worthy of the ol' lip lock.

Things like...

Noticeable drool:

"The claaaawww."

 

Excessive, creepy staring:

"Your hide will make a fine poncho!"

 

Excessive, creepy tongue:

"Yiiiiipth yipth yipth yipth yipth yipth..."

 

Now let's run through a quick role-playing exercise, so I can show you how to gracefully escape any awkward kissing-negotiation situation:

Hopeful Would-Be Kisser:

"Well hello there." [eyebrow waggle] "As you can see by my funny green hat and pipe, I am obviously Irish! So you have to kiss me!"

[puckering up and leaning in]

 

Unenthusiastic Kiss Avoidee:

[ **** ]

 

Newly Unnerved Would-Be Kisser:

"Oh...uh...I say! Look at that thing over there that I have to go attend to immediately! Er...nice... meeting you?"

 

See? Works every time! And this is a fool-proof strategy, because it places you squarely in the "excessive creepy staring" category, which no one wants to tangle with.

Just be careful you don't take it too far:

On the plus side, he won every staring contest. Consecutively.

 

Thanks to Renee B., Kristen S., Meredith B., Darice & Sean, Anony M., Chris, Pamela H., June S., & Jaycee for the lucky break.