My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Cryptic Cross Words

The art of cake insults was first discovered on May 4th, 1957 when a frat boy convinced his mother to write "You really are a FAT cat" on his buddy's birthday cake.

Today, many still attempt this sweet yet snarky tradition - but as these cakes show, few master it.

Ah, the classic "conflicting messages" mistake. Look, you can't tell someone you'll miss her and end with "Up Yours" - it makes no sense! The insult is lost in a sea of well-wishes! Odds are she's going to look at you with big Bambi eyes and ask, "Up my what?"

No, you've really got to commit to the insult. Give it your all!

Oh, come on, this is just embarrassing. "You are not the best" with a "ha-ha" chaser? Oh, gee. BURN.

Look, we're going for amusing yet zingy. Try again.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Er, look, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but this might be going a bit too far. We're aiming for good-natured mockery, not a restraining order. Rein it in a little, eh?

Ok, rule #1 in cake insults: misspellings completely destroy your credibility as critic. (Also applies to pretty much the entire Internet. Stay in school, trolls!)

Although, if you're lucky, sometimes a misspelling will result in an even better insult:

See, now instead of calling him a "geezer" you're insinuating he's incontinent. Score!!

Yep, I'd say the best cake insults are almost always the unintentional ones. (Plausible deniability, baby! Yeah!) So check back on Monday for some of the best whoopsies to ever land a guy on the couch.

Janna, Spencer B., Wendy B., Corie, & Michelle J., I would never insult you guys. Unless I got a cake out of it. Which isn't likely. So, yeah, I would (probably) never insult you guys.


Hungry Like a Wolf

I don't take many requests here on CW, but when Katie P. asked for werewolf Wrecks in honor of her friend's new all-girl werewolf book, I was intrigued. Haven't I always said there's a cake for everything? And besides, coming off of Sunday's literary sweets, this seems appropriate.

SO. Werewolf cakes. Right. This should be interesting.

Here we have the elusive half wolf, half cake breed:

Now, you might think that a cake sprouting a wolf head would look odd. That's where the pine sprigs come in.

Ever heard of Hover Cat? Well, here's hover wolf:

Or possibly centipede wolf. I'm not sure.

Whichever it is, here he is mid-transformation:

[maintaining a straight face (which is more than I can say for Mr. Weepy Pee here)]

Um, I get the feeling you're not buying this. That perhaps your confidence in my werewolf wreck-spotting ability is slipping.

Well, look, you can tell this next one's a wolf by the teeny little bone in front of him:

That's clearly the femur from some poor soul torn asunder by this hell hound human hybrid!

Ignore the weird ripply ear-or-possibly-wing-like things. It's a hell hound. Trust me.

Or, if you won't take my word for it, take a Canadian magazine's:

You know you can trust Canadians, right? And they claim this is a werewolf. I like his little 80's exercise headband and how his ears sprout from the side of his jaw.

Hey, Katie P., Sarah F., Alexander B., & Renee T., do your ears hang low?

Katie, I hope I've done your friend and her book proud. And for the rest of you, if you're tired of hunky guy werewolf books, give Claire de Lune a try.