Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Sep092010

Let's Play Telephone!

"Hello, and welcome to the Systems Calibration Registry for Engineering Wireless Upgrades!
As you all know, this is a big year for our Brunswick team: they successfully released version 2007.18 last week!

[polite applause]

"Great job, guys!

"Now, before we get started on our exciting 5-day agenda of software and development lectures, why don't we break the ice with a good old fashioned game of Telephone? Johnson, you start."

Johnson whispers to Carrier:
“Thanks and congratulations 2007.18 upgrade team.”

Carrier to Dorsman:
"Thanks and graduations! 2007 ate lean, up late teen."

Dorsman to Yates:
"Fangs and Conga lactations, tooth house and 7up! Clean up, laid Queen."

Yates to Lau:
"With all due respect, Governor, I do not own the rights to this monkey."


Lau to Mangan:
"Thanks and congratulations 2007.18 upgrade team."

Mangan to Gjertsen:

"BWAHAHAHAHAAA!! AHAHAha...ha...hee...hoo...

"Wait. Who ordered the cake?"

Enjoy the convention, Ashley M! We'll be lecturing on Day 4 in the North Wing Restroom at 4:30 pm. See you there!

And yes, the cake really was supposed to read "Thanks and congratulations 2007.18 upgrade team."

Wednesday
Sep082010

Hey Rab-baht!

Today, we're going to talk about carrots.

Or more specifically, carrot cake. You see, for hundreds of thousands of years, bakers have been trying to hide the taste of carrots - which is most charitably described as "dirt-like"- by mixing it with truckloads of sugar and cream cheese icing. This makes even the most rancid of vegetables - aka, carrots - slightly less disgusting and, of course, extremely healthy.

But how does a baker, who is bound by law to disclose that his cake actually contains putrid dirt veg, tell his customers without making them want to vomit?

Well, there's always lying:

"That's funny; why do these red velvet cupcakes taste like feet?"


Or making it completely illegible:

"Hm. I feel like these orange arrows are trying to tell me something about my Canb cake. But what could it be?!?"


Or the baker can mangle the shape of the aforementioned foul devil vegetable to confuse people:

"I'm detecting notes of chocolate icing and...is that...? Yes...I think it is! Fetid bunny swill. Huh."

Some have tried tweaking the color to muppet blue:


This way instead of imagining carrots - the ingrown hairs of the earth - in your cake, you can imagine synthetic fur - which is of course a vast improvement.

In the end, though, it's always best to just be honest:

Cak Rot?

Sounds about right to me.


Note: Before the carrot cake coalition comes after me, I should mention that I actually love carrot cake. Carrots, however, are evil like the froo-its of the de-vill. Which just goes to show: if you put enough sugar in something, even the most revolting, repellent, repulsive, sickening, nauseating, stomach-churning, stomach-turning, off-putting, unpalatable, distasteful, foul, nasty, vomitous vegetable known to man can be super duper yummy.

Special thanks to peachesrevenge, Simon L., Nora B., Lacey J., Natasha T., and my Mac Thesaurus, which never lets me down.