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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
May222014

Brides Tell All!

Ah, wedding wrecks. Like a good movie, they can make you laugh, they can make you cry, and sometimes, they can make you run screaming for small claims court. (Never again, Sea Biscuit. Never. AGAIN.)

So.

Bride-to-be Beverly ordered this wedding cake from her bakery's catalog:

She writes,
"I asked if it was possible to do a dark blue layer as well, and I was assured it was possible and it would look fine."

See, there's your first red flag, Bev. Dark blue and moss green will never look fine together, and anyone who tells you otherwise IS LYING. Or possibly color blind.

"My mom went to pick up the cake and threw a fit. Granted, she didn’t know what it was supposed to look like but she assures me it was much worse, so she made them redo it."

Ah, so they fixed it? Hey, good for them!

Wait, you said "redo," not "fix," didn't you? Ah. Still, how bad could it be?

Why do I even ask anymore.
I mean, really.

...

Next up, Jamie writes:

"I gave our bakery this picture with instructions that I wanted our cake to look just like the top tier - smooth sides, our monogram, and instead of the piping on the bottom, a simple purple ribbon."

That may be the easiest request I've ever heard. Seriously. There's no way a pro baker could mess that up.

Literally, no way.

Literally.

NO WAY.

...

And finally, Carolyn writes:

"Basically, I just wanted the top 3 layers like the cake below in white, with red ribbons and a matching red sash. The flowers were going to be white, with a red and yellow one randomly placed."

Right. Three white layers, red ribbon, and some red and yellow flowers.

NILED IT.

(You know, like the River Nile? 'Cuz it's all flowing down the cake? Yes? No?)

(Hey, if you don't think that's funny then YOU'RE IN DENIAL.)

(Eh? EH??)

 

Thanks to Beverly, Jamie, & Carolyn's cake for crying us a river.

*****

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Wednesday
May212014

Ba-Loony

It's the beginner's basic: one round(ish) glob o' icing, and one string.

And yet...

Yeeeeah.

 

Er, sorry, but I'm afraid writing it doesn't make it true.

 

Well, I AM seeing something that starts with a "B"...

[looking around] Er...

[waving] Hi, kids!

 

Dude. Are those teeth?

 

You know what to do when you see packs of wild balloons running in opposite directions, right?

Thaaat's right: Check the expiration on all your prescription meds.

 

Look at this next Wreck long enough, and you'll begin to ask yourself some interesting questions:

Questions like, "Which way is up? Which way is down? Is that green circle supposed to be the string? And if so, why aren't the balloons attached to it? Hey, am I being Punk'd here? Is that show even ON anymore? And where did my friends go? Do I seem strange, standing here alone in this bakery, questioning a cookie? Answer me, random old woman walking by! ANSWER ME!!

"Oh. Sorry. Well, I didn't know you were called Dennis, now did I?"

 

Look out, Kerri. They've organized, and they're coming.

 

Which reminds me:

I bet it's a girl.

 

Early C., Tracy C., Heather P., Tiffany H., Vikki, Kim M., Kerri K., & Stacey, I'd say something about the sprinkles, but that just seems rude, you know?

*****

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