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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Sunday
Jul032011

Sunday Sweets: The "Eh" Team

Today we've decided to feature some amazing cakes in honor of Canada Day, which was Friday.

"But, john the hubby of Jen!" you say, "The fourth of July is tomorrow! We need cakes with American flags! And American things! And...you know...America!"

Well, tough. We've picked on Canada enough over the years, and they deserve at least one day of Sweets for putting up with us.

Plus we used up our best American cakes for Memorial Day.

But mostly that first thing.

Er, before we proceed, I think I should mention that Jen & I have logged many, many hours into determining the least offensive, least stereotypical way to write today's post.

Then we gave up and just wrote what we wanted anyway. Sorry. As Craig Ferguson would say, "I look forward to your letters."

Let's start with some sweet Canadian flags:


Perfection. And after looking at hundreds of Canadian flag cakes, I can say with complete confidence that the maple leaf is officially the hardest thing in the world to draw accurately.

You might think I'll be posting a moose cake next. BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

By Cake Central member krazyb5

Check out that shading! Such great perspective - and almost completely fondant-free.

Plus, from my extensive research I now know that there are almost twice as many black bears in Canada as there are in the U.S. I can also tell you Canada's gross national product and the top five cleanest cities, but Jen tells me that would be "boring as snot," so I guess I won't now.

And...uh...here's a beaver cake:

By The Femme Fondants

Stereotypical? Yes.

Freakin' adorable? ALSO yes.

Now how's about a little Canadian landmarkage?

By Bobbette and Belle

That is the CN Tower. It's 1,815.4 feet - or 553.33 meters - tall and weighs 118,000 tonnes.

So I'm not sure those people are to scale.

These cute crustaceans, either:


Obviously this post wouldn't be complete without a cake representing Canada's national winter sport:

By Cake Central member sugar-2

Hockey! Or as my French-Canadian dad calls it, 'ockey!

That's their Olympic jersey, too. Pretty sweet.

Speaking of sports, are you ready to have your mind blown?


It turns out that basketball was invented by a Canadian. Which is why *I* only root for the Raptors. When I watch basketball, I mean. (Which is never.)

Oh, and do you see that texture?


The decorator made each tiny little divot with a #2 icing tip. A. Mazing.

Here's something else uniquely Canadian:



Tim Hortons!

Okay, so there are also some in Ohio, but that's almost Canada anyway, right?

Besides, we couldn't find any cakes of poutine, tuques, or adorable accents.

Then there's Canada's other beverage of choice:


Beer! (In a tree!)

And get this: those beer bottles and "ice" are molded hard candy. Even the melted bits on the board! I'm amazed. Definitely one of the most convincing bottle cakes I've ever seen.

What's that? You want a little Canadian history? Ok, how's this: did you know that Louis Jolliet (a Canadian) was the first explorer to map the Mississippi river?

By Pink Cake Box

Is it too much to hope the map layer is made of Mississippi mud cake?

And so, in conclusion, I'm sorry I couldn't find a Barenaked Ladies/Nathan Fillion mash-up cake, since I'm told that many of you believe a Barenaked Fillion would make your entire year.

However...

Haven't you always wanted a monkey?


If I had a million dollars...I'd buy, like, ten of these cakes.

Happy Belated Canada Day, Canada! Thanks for being the most polite, fun-loving, and best sense-of-humor-having readers we could ask for.

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Friday
Jul012011

Big Bangs

Note: Today's post contains a word that starts with "p" and rhymes with "Venus." Parents, please parent accordingly.

Before you head out to stock up on fireworks this weekend, here's a handy tip from the folks over at Lamebook:


Perhaps I should rephrase that.

(Also: ow.)

What I meant was, when it comes to fireworks, you really want the most bang for your buck:

So always look for the cartoon steam whistle shouting, "Bang!"

You should also familiarize yourself with what fireworks actually look like, so you don't end up with a bunch of...bombs. (See what I did there?)

Even if they are patriotically potent powerful penis-ish ones.

No, trust me, you don't want sprinkles.

I see...slushies.

Oh my gosh! They killed Blinky!

(That's the red ghost from Pac-Man, kids. Now stop making me feel old.)

Important rocket safety tip:

The flamey bits should always come out the back.



Also, don't forget your patriotic donut holes!

At least they remembered the blue balls this time.

Oh, and Canada, lest you think I've forgotten you:

Happy Bloody Band Aid day!


(Once you see it, it's all you'll see.)

Thanks to Jessica G., Dawn S., Gail D., Deanna T., Amber S., Leanne O., Saralyn T., & Jennifer O., who make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh" while they shoot across the sky-y-y.

In a firework-y way, I mean.

Not a penis-ishy way.

NEW GOAL: Work the word "penis-ishy" into as many conversation today as possible. Starting...NOW.