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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Feb142012

My Funny Valentines

My dears, the day has come when I can finally say:

Er...

What?

 

Perhaps an illustration would help.

Perhaps the children should leave the room.

(Then we can rock out with our "guitars" out!)


Sometimes a problem is pretty black and white:

If ever a wreck deserved our silent reproach...

 

Others require a bit more brain power:

Talk about a tough cake to wrap your head around.

Btw, you disappoint me, bakers. Not a single zombie joke? Really?

(And are those eyeballs? REALLY?)

 

Hey now, bakers, don't give me no lip.

Or whatever this is, while you're at it.

 

Look, just stick with wishing us a happy Valentine's day, and we'll get along fine.

What's that?
You can't spell "Valentine's?"

Oh. Well, just abbreviate it, then.

Clearly I didn't think that one through.

 

Maybe if you call it something else?

Or, you know, grab the piping bag and have a hand seizure?

 

Tell you what: how about we give you big plastic letters to spell out the word "love," and you just plop those on a cake? Eh? Nothing to write, nothing to draw - in fact, I'd be hard pressed to think of a single way anyone could POSSIBLY mess...

*headdesk*

 

Thanks to Dana B., Mindy B., Meredith B., Mary F., Marion N., Cathy W., Chris P., Laura H., & Jackie E. for bringing Valentine's Day to a new "loe."

Monday
Feb132012

Have a "Heart"

To top that oh-so-sweet Valentine I wrote you yesterday, I've decided that today I shall serenade you. Yep. Full-on karaoke style, bebeh.

And since you can't actually hear me, it's your choice whether I sound like Celine Dion or non-auto-tuned Trololo guy for this song. I say go with your gut. Or whichever offends your eardrums more.

Ready?

To the tune of "My Heart Will Go On." (Sorry.)

[hem hem hem]

 

[stretching out on baby grand piano]

Every sight brings more screams,

I see you, I feeeear you.

That is how I know you...wreck on.

[squinting sexily]

Far from being mere chance,

That face is so squeeeemish!

You have come to show you...wreck on.

[rolling onto belly]

Guts? Scars? What-EV-er you are!

I can see that the dog did "GO" ON.

[duckface]

Once... more... you're DROPPED to the floor!

And you're back to the start 'cuz...

Your "art" will wreck on and on!

[dramatic swelling]

[plus the music gets louder]

Yooooou're HEEEERE!

You're DRINKing a BEER!

And I KNOW that this heart is... all wroo-oong:

[ripping off Snuggie to reveal white Elvis jumpsuit]

Some SAY... "all plastic? NO WAY!"

But the flotsam's a start and

Your cheesecakes are saaaadly all gone!

[Big finish involving sparklers, a bucket of glitter, & a live platypus]

[make that a stuffed platypus]

[and nix the sparklers]

[Ok, so basically it's a stuffed platypus dunked in glitter.]

 

Thanks to wreckporters Chris H., Emily S., Sarah R., Kristina S., Sarah S., Larissa F., Venieca, & Marisa L. for helping me realize that every pre-schooler who can successfully draw a heart is a frickin' genius.