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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jul222010

Wrecky Roughage

According to this survey I'm about to make up, 74% of us don't get enough fiber in our diets. Unless you're British. In which case you don't get enough fibre. And you spell things wrong.

Fortunately, the bakeries of the world are here to help.

I think we'll call this Faeber.

I DO believe in Faeber. I do, I do!!

TRUE STORY: Last week our cat Tonks decided to eat a piece of ribbon because she is, by all accounts, an idiot. Now if you're a cat owner, you know that she will most likely end up dragging a two foot piece of poo-coated ribbon across our carpet while we sleep, blissfully unaware of the impending cleaning bills.

Which makes me wonder: Does the same thing happen with kids?


Admit it: you just had a mental image of a bunch of toddlers scootching their butts across the carpet.


Now, of course, if plastic is your fiber of choice, then have I got a cake for you!

It's like a cartoon colonic.


In fact, bakers really seem to be embracing the Dollar Depot movement: (Heh. "Movement.") Case in point: Ashley ordered a little boy's cake, something appropriate for a first birthday.

Aaaand this is what she got:


...'cuz nothing's more appropriate for a one-year-old than twenty-two individual choking opportunities.

"No, Palmer, Sweetie, you can't eat that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. No! Not that! Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Whoah! Definitely not that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Maybe th...no, not that, either.

"Or that."


Diana F., Kasia R., Wicked Princess, & Ashley P., I think the brown sprinkles might be safe, if you want to chance it.

Update from john: Just so we're clear, we are watching Tonks 24/7 and the minute something seems off, we'll take out a second mortgage and head to the vet. Until then, if you need me, I'll just be over here sifting poop...

Wednesday
Jul212010

The Abbreviation Sensation Sweeping the Nation

I guess it started innocently enough.

When your "Yay Jesus" crowds out the rest of the text, you cut a few corners on the "birthday" to cram it all in. Ok, fine. I get it.

The problem started when some wreckerator somewhere looked at that and thought, "Hey, that saves me four whole letters! I should write it that way ALL the time!"

And so...[dramatically steepling fingers]...it began.

First a dash was added, to make it seem more respectable:

It's an unwritten rule in baking that you can butcher a name as much as you like, so long as it's followed by a question mark.

Then they ditched the 'B':


Next, the "day":

The first 28 were delicious.

And finally, inevitably, we arrived at...this.


One can only hope they were charging by the letter.

Can it get any worse, you ask?

Oh, please. You know better than to ask that by now, don't you? [smirk]

It's like a code. Am I wishing you a happy birthday? Maybe, maybe not. I might be wishing you a Herniated Bowels day. Because, yeah, I do that sometimes.

And yet, shockingly, we still haven't gotten to the worst part of this whole abbreviation craze.

Think with me for a moment: are there any holidays out there that might not do well in an abbreviated form? Any at all? C'mon. Think about it.

Give up?

Oh, good. I'm positively itching to show you this last photo.

It's a Valentine's Day cake. Scout's honor.

Thanks, Erin C., Aimee P., Michelle W., Angela C., Darnell, Elizabeth, & Chris. Y'all are hunk a' hunks of burnin' love in my book.