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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Apr132010

Once in a Lifetime Wrecks

Sometimes, something so noteworthy, so unique, so rare, so sparse, so infrequent, so atypical, so uncommon, so "totally rad" happens that there are really no words to explain it.

Thankfully, we're here to help... and we're professional* writers.

 

[*And by "professional" we mean "have access to - and no fear of using - a thesaurus."]

Halley's Comet whizzes through our skies once every 76 years. Something tells me this fiery gem will still be on the shelf in time for the next sighting in 2061.

 

 


Suggestively Hairy Graduation Cheese hasn't been spotted since he handed little Tommy Silverstein his 3rd grade diploma at Jameson County Elementary back in 1873.

 

It seems obvious that the Loch Ness Monster would receive a beautifully constructed cakey fanfare after her famous reported sighting back in 1933:

However, photographers rarely catch old Nessie in what would later be described as her "Can-of-Beans Pose," in which Nessie approaches the surface with an open mouth and an old-timey telephone cord protruding from her head. Very rare, this shot. Very rare.

 

 

[We have a feeling that these cakes are actually a guitar, a pencil, and a wide-mouthed bass, but our reality is more fun.]

 

Lesli W., Anony M., & Brandi M., you guys are great, significant, exceptional, extraordinary, humongous, ample, notable, redoubtable, dominant, imposing, majestic, splendid, killer, hunky-dory, and swell.

- Related Wreckage: World's Worst Pictionary Players

 

Monday
Apr122010

Don't Toy With Me, Man

It probably started innocently enough.

"Hey, let's add a little stuffed rattle to this design, as a free bonus!'"

"We all know how much babies like cake!"

Now, despite the fact that this design requires no decorating skills whatsoever, it does have the fatal flaw of being a cupcake cake. [hawww ptooiee!] Which means, more often than not, you're going to get something like this instead:

"What the heck is it?"

"Who cares? Look, a free baby rattle!'

So, they nixed the CCCs and started putting the little stuffed toys on mini-cakes:

The vicious Venus Monkey Trapcake snares another victim.

Then they really started to mess with us.

1) Just how big is this cake?

2) Conversely, how tiny is that stuffed lamb?

3) Whichever it is, did the Wreckerator really think that lamb effectively "filled the space?"

4) Why put a baby's stuffed animal on an engagement cake, anyway? It has nothing do to with the design! It's like the cake was being wheeled past and the little guy just hopped on Bruce Willis style, riding it out to freedom while the building exploded around him.
(Ok, that last bit could be wishful thinking on my part.)

Of course, just when you think a little stuffed lamb might be appropriate, like on a baby shower cake, they go and do this:

That is solid icing, y'all. "Suprise!" indeed.

(Yes, I know "suprise" is spelled wrong.)


But getting back to the stuffed animals: like goldfish, these things are growing to fill their containers:

Sensible? Sanitary? Sane?
Good questions, all.

But perhaps the most important question of all is: When future generations look back on the day the "fake fur fiber fad" began, will this be one of Wikipedia's illustrations?

"With its high levels of sugar, fat, and 'colon-cleansing synthetic fiber', the Plush & Flush Diet soon became an overnight sensation in the U.S."

Bill B., Caryn C., Becky, Lisa Z., Kristen F., Allie C., & Emily B., more on point (ballerina pun ftw!), when do they start plopping Xbox 360's on these things, with little icing borders? "That'll be $467.39, please. Oh, and if you want games, then you have to buy the cupcakes separate."

- Related Wreckage: Phony