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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Mar202009

First Impressions

My issues with baby shower cakes are well-documented. And while I don't plan to have kids myself, I know that the whole if/when/how many thing on the kid-front is a huge, life-changing decision.

So on behalf of myself and childless women everywhere, I'd just like to say the following.

Attention Baby Shower Cake Creators:
You're SO Not Helping.

Seriously, would YOU want to give birth after seeing this cake?


Helen S., I can't tell if that's mom's front or backside, but either way I think I'd be shoving the sucker back in.

Not that showing the (anatomically) correct egress is any better, though:


Egads! I've heard of childbirth making your legs feel all rubbery, Greg C., but this is just ridiculous. Plus, I thought that the First Censored Cake Wreck would dissuade this kind of thing. Well hellooo, backfire!

I mean it, ladies: stop with the fondant genitalia on shower cakes already! Yeesh, it's bad enough seeing it in all of your "Check Out this Hi-LAR-ious Wreck from Master Bakers!" e-mails. [shudder] Nightmares, folks: I have them*.

Now, if you really want to give me a little pick-me-up (IF ya know whadda mean) why not send over some Trekkie goodness of the Vulcan variety? Or heck, I'll even take McCoy - or Sheppard or McKay, while we're on the geek streak. Just make sure they're tastefully done. So, you know, in lots of chocolate. [eyebrow waggle]

*Speaking of which, if you're not subscribed to my Twitter feed you missed out on some ripe hilarity of the "Jen's-too-naive-to-know-what-this-naughty-word-means" yesterday. Check it out, if you dare....

UPDATE: Hey, commenters! If you're referencing my Twitter debacle, please don't use the "naughty" word, ok? A lot of kids read this site, and we don't need them Googling it. Thanks!

Thursday
Mar192009

They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Haa!

Ho ho, heehee, haha, they're coming to take me away!!!

I'm not sure what these things are supposed to be, but they've been popping up at bakeries all across the U.S. lately. Could the carrot jockeys have some competition on their hands?

"Soon, your race of sugar-craving giant sloths shall be OURS. Thaaat's right, we're cute, aren't we? You want to take us hooome, and show us all your financial staaaatements."

These guys are going less for "cute" and more for "mortal terror":

"The claaaaaw! The claw will choose who will go, who will stay, and who will have his or her face rearranged."

Look, they even have a naval division:

"We're Popped-Eyes, the sailor blobs,
We're Popped-Eyes, the sailor blobs,
You won't want to finish,
'Cuz we taste like spinach,
We're Popped-Eyes the sailor blobs!"

Nancy H., Bridget D., Siiri L. & Heather K., I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats. Really.

(Now we get to find out which of you were around in the 60s. Let the age-determining comments begin!)

UPDATE: The general consensus seems to be these are "frog cakes". More info here.

UPDATE UPDATE: No, they're not supposed to be Bob from Monsters vs Aliens. What, you think I would miss a kids' movie tie-in? Give me a little credit, eh?