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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Feb072011

The Cake Cannibals

Once upon a time, a baker decided to ice a giant baby butt on a cake.

And so she did.

The rest of the bakers gathered round to congratulate her, and before long they'd all agreed: baby butts were surprisingly appetizing. Reeling from this rear realization, the bakers went on to change the face of baby shower cakes forever.


By turning it into a baby butt.

The cake butt phenomenon took off like projectile vomit from a colicky infant. It was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Otherwise rational women dreamed of eating chocolate-filled diapers. Grandmothers sliced up legs with abandon. Little children screamed in glee at the sight of adorably draped half bodies served up on platters. ("Aw, look, she's sobbing with glee!")

After a while, the original bakers got together again to munch on fondant toes and discuss their next "big thing." The vote was unanimous: they needed much larger bodies of work.

Literally.

"If eating baby butt is sweet, then eating mom boobs will be AMAZING," the bakers exclaimed.

And so, they did.


Just about everyone loved the mom boob & belly combo, but there were a few complaints from the moms-to-be. Not that their cake effigies were being eaten, of course, but that their cake effigies weren't sexy enough.

Quickly the bakers arrived at a solution: the cantaloupes would be made much larger than the watermelon ("if you catch our drift"), and mom's cakey doppelgänger would be dressed in only the raciest of lingerie, the better to emphasize how she ended up in her present glowing condition.

And so it was.

And, once again, everyone was happy.

At this point the bakers fell into a deep depression. "We've done it all!" they moaned. "What more can we possibly achieve now that women are eating both baby butts *and* mom torsos?"

Which is when they realized: the only thing better than eating a mom torso or baby toes was eating them both together.

Quickly a new decree went out: push that lingerie aside! It's time to show off the baby inside the belly. And then EAT THEM BOTH. Haha!

Remember to keep that melon ratio, though.

At last, the bakers felt they had arrived at the pinnacle of baby shower cakedom. They would continue to fine-tune, of course: a cherry filling here, a plastic baby fished out with tongs there - but overall, their cannibalistic urges were sated. And all was well.

Until they discovered gelatin.





[ear-splitting scream]

[of glee]

Thanks to Jessica M., Candace G., Jessica T., Germaine, Jessica G., Sarah M., Taylor F., & Ruth T., who think that's one heckuva womb with a view.

Sunday
Feb062011

The Super Bowl of Sunday Sweets!

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOOOOOTBAAAAAALLLLLLL???!???!

Awww yeah, Cake Wrecks fans, we are NOT going to disappoint on this Super Bowl Sunday! Granted, the three of us know as much about football as we do Japanese ventriloquism, but we wouldn't dream of featuring non-Super Bowl-related cakes on such an auspicious occasion. In fact, today we're going the extra mile and celebrating the entire list of playoff teams with amazing Sweets. Booyah!

First, remember in the playoffs when that guy from the Patriots was all like, "I've got the ball and I'm running toward the goal with it!!"

 

by Cake Creations by Lisa

 

GO PATRIOTS!!

 

Or when that other guy was all, "We're in a team called the Colts! And we're gonna win!"

 

by Bake Me a Cake

 

YAY, COLTS!


But golly, we were all thrown for a loop when those Jets hit the court!

 

 

by Caryn's Cakes

 

DO IT, JETS!


And when they went up against those Falcons, boy... we never could have predicted that thing that happened at that one point there.

 

 

by Michelle Cakes

 

FALCONS! TEAM OF THE MILLENNIUM!

 

But my favorite part of the playoffs was when that one team fought against the Bears, and the ball went over there and everyone SCREEEEAAAMED!!!

by Layers of Love

 

SILLY OLD BEARS!

 

And then the Chiefs drove up from that place the Chiefs are from and took the field with a vengeance!

by Doodle Cakes

 

GO MASTER CHIEF!

 

Yep, football really is the best, right? I mean, it's like magic when the Seahawks hit the ice!

 

 

by Naera

 

HIT THE PUCK, SEAHAWKS!


And then, oh SNAP! The Ravens came out of nowhere and were at the 40 yard line... the 30... the 20...

 

 

Yeah. That's SO Raven.

 

 

And the Saints, of course, will hear no evil, see no evil, AND speak no evil against a game as bananas as this. AM I RIGHT?!?

 

 

By Andi Cakes

 

 

WAY TO BE SAINTLY, SAINTS!

 

 

But it was really getting down to the wire when the Eagles came into play. They began to take it easy, and I can't tell you why, but it was like hell froze over! They made the long run and began to take it to the limit!

 

 

By the Disneyland Bakery. We think.

 

WELCOME TO THE HOTEL CALIFORNIA, EAGLES!

 

And then it all came down to two teams... the Packers and the Steelers.


Man, the Packers traveled all the way from Boston to go head to head against the Milwaukee Steelers.

 

 

by Pink Cake Box

 

GET PACKING, PACKERS!


But the Steelers were all like, "We're not gonna lose, no way!! We're gonna take that round thing and run until the guy in black and white blows his whistle!"

 

 

by The Cake Company: Warrington

 

Will the Steelers steel themselves to steal a victory? Only time will tell. And 'til then, we'll just keep cheering on our favorite team.

GO RED SOX!