My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Internal Wisdom

We here at Cake Wrecks realize that often there are readers who simply. don't. get it. So, in an effort to "bring the funny" to our few humor-challenged readers, we have enlisted the services of our intern, Britnee, to help translate. To our regular readers: please bear with us. We will resume our regular posting tomorrow. And now, take it away, Britnee!

Like, OMG! You're totally gonna laugh. So, there's this cake, right?

See, what happened was, the guy that ordered the cake actually wanted actual FLOWERS on the cake. Like, in icing? And instead the DECORATOR wrote "and flowers." Right? Get it? O. M. G.!

And this is, like, totally hilarious:

LOL So, here, a guy wanted a cake to say "Schwager House" - which is totes redonk - but he wanted it written out in all capital letters. And get this: the decorator wrote "all caps" ON THE CAKE. Right there! In icing! On the cake! See it? HAHAHAHA! OMG, I gotta tell Kristy about this one.

Check this out: so, next, this lady, Madalene, wanted a cake for her son and some junk, and she, like, wanted the cake to say "#1" on it. Well, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!?!


See, the cake says "#1 ON IT" ON the cake!!! HE TOTALLY WROTE IT ON THE CAKE!


And then there was this guy, Dennis? And he wanted a cake, for his mom's birthday? And she was like, turning 89, or whatever? So, he wanted an "89" in the corner? And do you know what happened?!?!??!

{{{dying with laughter}}}

The decorator WROTE OUT "89 IN THE CORNER!!!!!!!"


{catching breath...}

Okay, okay... but the most bestest one ever EVER... is when it was Ashlee's birthday, and her boyfriend wanted the cake to say "Happy Birthday Ashlee" and her name has two Es in it and OMG OMG OMG what do you think happened?!?

[hopping up and down] (This is going to be awesome!!! You are SO going to TOTALLY lose it!!!)


I don't get it.


Well, here's John again.

[Sigh] Um, thanks, Britnee, for that thoughtful and extremely explanatory commentary. I hope all of our humor-challenged readers enjoyed it. And for the rest of you, allow me to end with an obscure math joke: Did you know that 8/5 of Americans aren't good with fractions? [Chortle]

Thanks to Will E., Chris O., Madalene W., Dennis W., and Robert H.


Bum Voyage

I was actually trying to keep this on the DL (yo), but John and I planned to slip away for a Caribbean cruise this week.

Which, naturally, made us happy as a couple of pigs with pacifiers.

(What? I work with the cakes I'm given, k?)

We also booked a cabin for my parents, since we don't get to see them much.

These are not my parents.

Nice rat wedding cake, though.

Anyway, so, we flew my folks down,

Bargain airfare ftw!

...and then John and I stayed up all night finishing my sparkly dress for Formal Night:

I'm, uh, really short.

Bright and early Sunday morning, we drove the four and a half hours down to the cruise port:

We like a sweet ride.

When we arrived, though, DISASTER:

Um. I meant that in a more metaphorical sense.

See, I didn't realize my passport had expired a few months earlier, and that meant I wasn't allowed on the ship. Because how could they tell if I was a U.S. citizen? I mean, once the passport expires, I could have been born *anywhere*, right? (/sarcasm)

Ok, so this pig (I think it's a pig) looks more frightened than sarcastic. But do you know how hard it is to find a sarcastic looking cake?

I mean besides this one.

Anyway, getting back to my tragic tale of metaphorical disaster:

So, my passport was a no-go. However, they *would* accept a photocopied birth certificate. Which is illegal to use for identification purposes. And I, unfortunately, didn't have one. But hey, if the red tape says photocopied birth certificates are admissible, but slightly out-of-date passports are not, who am I to question?

Besides, there was some not-so-crappy news: since they were refusing us passage, the cruise line promised us a credit for another cruise, which we could take later. So at least there was that. turns out, there's not that.

This is me, watching my family sail away.

Only, you know, with less apples and more snot. [head tilt] And clothing. Definitely more clothing.

Still, I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about all this. Sure, we're out a lot of money, and won't get to see my family again for some time, and have been treated like lying scammers for asking for the voucher we were promised, but anger doesn't solve anything. [nodding seriously]

In fact, Celebrity Cruises, I got you a virtual cookie cake - just to show there are no hard feelings.

See? It's a visual representation of how you treated us! Isn't that sweet?

Aimee F., Erin B., Lindsey N., Alexandra W., Nicole R., Kester, Meredith F., Sarah C., David S., & Samantha S, ok, maybe there are some hard feelings. Teensy tiny ones. Sorry; I'm just a little stressed. I guess I need a vacation.



Update from John: Just the facts, Ma'am.

-The expired passport? Yes, totally our fault. We know. Bummer.

-The cruise line would accept a faxed birth certificate. Totally wrong. Also, passports used to be valid for up to a year after expiration for cruise purposes. I've been on three cruises with an expired passport. The whole ID thing is wonky.

-Two Celebrity employees at the port including a supervisor assured us we would get a voucher for another cruise - but now they won't honor that promise. That's the main issue here.