Cake Wrecks

Summer "Lovin'"

2013-05-24T13:01:02Z

I don't really keep up with you young whippersnappers' schedules, but going by the cakes coming in I'm guessing summer vacation is starting up. Soooo...

Hey, hoopy froods, school's is out for summer!!

You know what's awesome about summer, besides throwing all those pesky grammar rules to the wind?

Jumping into pools of cubed green Jell-O, that's what:

During the Winter Underlined book tour I actually had a whole Q-and-A session derailed by a discussion on the practice of combining Jell-O with cake. Apparently some of you weirdos do that.

[ducking and running for cover]

That's not all summer is known for, though. There's also the ice cream cones:

(Honestly not sure which parts of that are edible...but I'm hoping the answer is "none of it.")

And steaks on the grill:

YUM.

And hamburgers:

(I like how even the fake plastic ants won't touch those "french fries.")

And hot dog pancakes:

This looks like a job for... the Special Pancake Victims' Unit!

*DONK DONK*

And then, after all that food, you get to stuff yourself into a bathing suit:

I actually look exactly like this in a bikini, only paler*. And with more muffin tops. (HEYO.)

(*People tend to think Floridians are super tan, summer-loving sun-worshippers. Hee! SO CUTE. No, we're the ones huddled inside with the AC blasting, laughing at all you crazy tourists are out there getting heat strokes. We also own more sweaters than the average Alaskan, because there is no place colder in the continental U.S. than inside a Florida public building during the month of June.)

And then of course there are the fun-loving hordes of ants...

I swear these things are solar-powered.

Not to mention the blistering heat...

...and family vacations where everyone's miserable except the organizer of said vacation, who is homicidally determined to have a good time...

[One of my most cherished Disney memories is of the family collapsed on a park bench, moaning, while the Dad stands before them, screaming, "We're not here to RELAX, we're here to HAVE FUN."

"I'm having fun! I'm having fun!"

Plus there's nothing good on TV, and the neighborhood kids wake you up at oh-HAIL-no-thirty with their shrill little screams of glee and stomping feet, and all the parks and shops are crowded, and, and...

Huh. How long 'til Fall, again?

Thanks to Tracey D., Adriane M., Sam H,, Kerry L., Lauralee L., Aj M., Jill V., Julie G., Kristin M., and Becky C. for making us realize just how much we need a vacation.

Graduated Layers

2013-05-23T13:00:57Z

Graduation season is upon us, my friends, and I for one couldn't be happier. Not only do I get to revel in the fact that I'm a "prefessional adult" who's DONE with school [NEENER NEENER], I also get an excuse to drag out some of the old grad wrecks I never got around to posting.

Here's one from the last Ice Age in internet terms, aka ten years ago:

That was the year we learned to ix-nay on the unfortunate onograms-may.

Skipping forward a ways, we come to "2009":

Year of the "Dipolma" and "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.

In 2010 we had a fresh crop of Permedics celebrate their "gradudlion:"

It's a tough call, but I'm pretty sure "Gradudlion" is my new favorite misspelling. The trick is to put the emPHAsis on the second sylLAble, like this: GraDUDlion. And then pronounce the end bit "leon" instead of "lion." Go on. Say it with me: GraDUDlion. GraDUDlion. [Ignore those co-workers; they're just jealous.] Now once more, with feeling! GRADUDLION!! YEAH!

[looking around]

[sitting back down]

[patting hair back in place]

K, where were we? Oh, yes: 2011. The year we learned that only the very BEST cakes get reserved for store displays:

The grace. The dignity. The spacing.

(First one to say, "But at least it's spelled right!" gets the patented Jen Death Glare. DON'T TEST ME, PEOPLE.)

In 2012 bakers broadened their horizons by combining the fine art of Dali-esque surrealism with a post-modern monochromatic aesthetic:

I call it, "Tar Donkey Butt-Peeing."

So what will the 2013 grad season bring? Well, I hate to speculate, buuuut...

I've got a pretty good feeling about it.

("Graguates gradudlying! Graguates gradudlying!!")

Thanks to Stephanie F., Jen S., Alana G., Brittany R., Daffny A., and Julia A. for gradudlyating at the top of today's class.

The Good, The Bad, And The Wrecky

2013-05-22T13:00:45Z

The Good:

By Steven Barela of Child's Pastry Shop

(WOW!)

The Bad:

(Whoah...)

And the Ugly Truth:

(Oh, sure, NOW you tell me.)

Thanks to Jeanette E., Samantha L., & Sarah F. for taking a stand against drunk decorating.

All Hail The Pink King!

2013-05-21T13:00:24Z

Ever write an I and a C so close together that they kind of look like the letter K?

Why do I ask?

Oh, no particular reason.

Thanks to Allison E. for the royal screw-up. (And how do you figure the baker knew to use pink icing?)

Five Years, Baby!!

2013-05-20T13:01:06Z

Remember this?

And these?

How about this one?

Or this story?

Five years ago today I started a goofy little cake blog, just for fun. I never intended for anyone other than a few close friends to read it, and I was terrified the first time a stranger found it and commented.

Within two months, though, my goofy little cake blog went viral, garnering about 50,000 visitors in a single day.

It's been a wild ride since then. I realized my life-long dream of becoming a published author not once, but twice, and Cake Wrecks even landed on the New York Times Best Sellers List. John and I got to travel across the U.S. and Canada meeting thousands of you readers, sampling dozens of your bakeries, and only almost-dying that one time.

I was invited on more TV shows than I can remember, including David Letterman, Rachael Ray, and I think even Martha Stewart - and one of my proudest achievements in life is that I turned them all down. I've also turned away TV producers, web content "gurus," and website conglomerates offering a pretty penny to purchase Cake Wrecks and turn it into something else - something less personal, something not ours.

Cake Wrecks has been a labor of love from the beginning, and I've fought - and will fight - to always keep it that way. It's not a vehicle to make me famous, or a stepping stone to get me to where I *really* want to be in my career, because I'm already here. True, it has become my job - John's, too - and like every job it causes heartache and frustration and burnout sometimes. But at the end of the day, I get to check my e-mail, find a cake that makes me giggle, and share it with all of you. That's pretty frickin' awesome.

Five years ago I never would have dreamed my goofy little cake blog would last this long, or that it would amass such a devoted readership. I mean, this blog was supposed to fizzle out four and a half years ago, and yet here you all are! I always told John I'd quit when the readers left, but it turns out you guys are more stubbornly loyal than I anticipated. Curse you.

So here's to us, my dear wreckies, five years, 1,800+ posts, and roughly 8,000 cakes later.

And if all that doesn't deserve cake, then I don't know what does.

So here's Brent Spiner trying on a Carrot Jockey necklace:

Let's be honest: it was all downhill from here. :D

Oh, and I have to give a million thanks to John for getting me through these past five years - and also for not dying that one time - as well as to Lindsey, who writes more than half of our Sweets posts these days, and to Sharyn, who helps me write to the wrecks. You guys are awesome, and get a lifetime pass for extra sprinkles.