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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Baby Shower (21)

Thursday
Jun152017

"Hey everybody, thish cake ish from Holland. Ishn't that veird?"

Brace yourself, my friends, for what you're about to see may haunt your dreams for the rest of your natural lives, and will most certainly turn you off of acrylic nails.

Ready?

Here it comes...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the baby shower, they went and added...

The DREADED MANICURED ALIEN HAND OF DOOM!!!

[drawn-out scream]

 

Ok, what's worse: the bone-white skin pallor, popped-out belly button that looks like the tied-off end of a balloon, or the fact that Thing-ette there seems to be sucking the life-force out of Octo-Mom Wraith-style?

Now, I have pudgy little Hobbit hands, so my basis of reference is off: tell me, is that hand as disproportionally gargantuan as I think it is?

 

Kevin V., you musht be toight like a toyger*. Schmoke and a pancake?

*Ok, so the pop-culture references got a little out of hand** in this post. Sorry.

**Get it? Out of hand? Booyah!

*****

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Wednesday
Feb082017

Visual Birth Control

I think I finally figured it out, you guys:

BAKERS WANT US TO STOP HAVING BABIES.

How else do you explain the continuing popularity of chopped up baby halves, despite my many and well-reasoned protests?

(This is from a shop display window. Just once I want to see that ridiculous little drapey bit propped up with a spinal cord sticking out. JUST ONCE.)

And why else do bakers insist on making the most nightmarish pregnant torsos imaginable, which they know the laws of polite manners will force us to eat?

"No, no, YOU make the first cut. We'll just be right over here...across the street."

 

And as if the protruding feet and hands weren't enought, then they go and stick plastic baby dolls inside the limbless torso's cakey love tunnels, because this is EXACTLY the visual you want right before chowing down on tiny sandwiches and fruit punch: 

 THE MIRACLE OF LIFE! 

Now, who wants to lick the love tunnel frosting off the newborn?

 

Ah, but you know what? Licking the newborn isn't enough - no sir! 

We need to CARVE UP THE NEWBORN and EAT HIM!

"Slice off the head first, would you? I could swear it's looking at me."

Speaking of which, there's a .gif going around this week of one of the more realistic baby cakes I've featured having its head sliced open. It's more than a little disturbing, as anyone who pauses to think past the initial "Oh what a cute idea!" of the baby cake can no doubt imagine.

Still, what if bakers showed that .gif to every customer trying to order a baby cake? Why, I bet the world would be a slightly more wreck-less place!

Or we'd just give those people more ideas.

"Ok, ok, I've got it. What we need are... BITE-SIZED babies!"

 

 Yeah, never mind. We're doomed.

 

Thanks to Jenny Lee, Mary V., Ann Marie G., Keith & Lorraine C., & Heather G., who all have names that rhyme! Woohoo! (Life's more fun when you're easily amused. Or rockin' a wicked sugar high. Or both!)

*****

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