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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Beyond Bizarre (239)

Friday
Aug182017

This One's For The Girls

(ATTENTION MOMS: this post may be mildly inappropriate for young children.)

 

Alright ladies, it's OUR turn.

That's right: it's time to turn the tables on all those chauvinistic guys who order the boob or butt cakes, rendering the female form as nothing more than an object - and an edible one at that! It's time to ogle the MALE form in cake for once, and show them how it feels! You heard me, gentlemen: prepare... to be objectified!! [rubbing hands together] Heheheh. This is gonna be awesome.

Ok, let's start the show!

First up, ladies, check out this sexy little...

Oh.

["Urp"ing noise]

Sorry, sorry. Uh, yeah, Julie B.? This one's really not doing anything for me. In fact, the neck hump area is kind of grossing me out.

 

Not to worry, though; there's more where that came from. Next!

Huh.

Um, Donna B., not that I don't appreciate the liberal use of painted-on under-arm hair (and other hair which I was kind enough to cover - you're welcome) and the whole "good luck on your wedding night" sentiment, but again, this is really having more of the opposite effect on me. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it looks like the chest of a pasty-white prepubescent.

 

Ohhhkay. Now I just creeped myself out, looking at this. [averting eyes] Next! NEXT!!

Whoa! I think we just went to the other extreme; this guys looks to be about 70. And is it just me, or does he have a bunch of raisins on his chest? That, or his chest hair has gone all matted and clumpy.

[gagging] Rapidly. Losing. Appetite.

By the way, Amanda E., not that I'm complaining, but I don't think he has any nipples. Again, NOT complaining. Really. Put those raisins down, woman!

 

Oh, look: Tam & Annabel found Mr. Heard-it-through-the-grapevine's bottom half, and it begs the question...

Is acupuncture ever a good package deal? Just wondering.

 

Ok, this is ridiculous. I don't feel like we've objectified any guys at all with these cakes! Sarah W., you're our last hope. Bring it, sistah.

Aaaugh!! My eyes! My seared, bleeding eyes!

What this headless, neckless, armless, and legless torso lacks in limbs it certainly makes up for with day-glo orange streakiness. Not to mention that it exudes a kind of sinister intelligence: I swear it's looking at me.

In fact, here's a hypothetical for y'all: You get up in the middle of the night, and turn suddenly to find this cake hopping along behind you. Do you:

a) scream
b) laugh
c) grab a fork or
d) all of the above?

[sigh]

Well, ladies, I'm sorry: our quest to objectify men using cakes has failed. But on the bright side, we'll always have Tom Selleck - right?

*****

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Friday
Aug112017

Batman Attacking A Shark With A Light Saber... Plus A Cow Udder

There are lots of crazy cakes out there, minions, but the thing to remember is there are distinctive LEVELS of crazy.

What's that? Do I have examples?

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED.

Ahem hem hem.

[extending pen-pointer stick thingy]

First, we have Good Crazy:

Because while no one NEEDS a rainbow worm covered in Gummi Bears, why the heck not?

 

...which can be surpassed by Awesome Crazy:

Or, crazy awesome.

 

Then we have Bad Crazy:

That's right, running down frisbee players with your new birthday car is bad, Mark. BAAAAD.

 

First, let's just assume that says "Curt."
Second, Why?
Third, Why?
And fourth, SWEET STAY PUFT WHYYYYYY?!

Ahem.

 

Also, celebrating the US Navy's birthday with a sinking Titanic isn't so great, either:

 

And finally - and my personal favorite - we have Bat Sh*t Crazy.

This is the crazy that isn't bad, and isn't good. It's the Chaotic Neutral of crazy, if you will.
(And if you got that, YOU ARE SUCH A NERD. [let's be friends])

For example:

Soccer player butts next to badly rendered Pixar characters.

 

And of course:

Cow udders.

 

Thanks to Jessica B., Dana G., Richard W., Lindsay D., Brian E., Anony M., & Cheryl S., who could really see herself understanding cows.

(I'm so proud of that pun I actually teared up a little, you guys. WHAT.)

*****

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