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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Beyond Bizarre (221)

Wednesday
May252016

The Bakery At The End Of The Universe

[announcer voice]

Here at The Bakery At The End Of The Universe, we want our intergalactic guests to have a personal connection with their cakes. That's why all our sugary creations are given sentience before serving, so they can introduce themselves before dessert!

"Huh?"

 

To begin your End Of The Universe experience, you'll be treated to the sweetest song and dance number this side of Betelgeuse - and our petit-fours almost always finish before crying and/or spitting up their last meals!

 

Next, the parade of pastry, as each of our delectable kitchen creations tries to convince you to eat them first!

 

They're so happy you're here!

 

They can't wait to be picked!

Those are tears of joy, promise!

 

 

Once you've picked your lucky morsel, it will be whisked to the back for a quick, joyous farewell:

 

....then painlessly chopped up and plated for your dining pleasure:

MMMM.

Now that's sweet!

Yes, The Bakery At The End Of The Universe guarantees a dessert you'll remember for all your lifetimes. So come on by! Starships and Vogon liners welcome. Intergalactic AAA discounts available. Reservations recommended.

You monsters.

 

Thanks to Anony M., John D., Katherine R., Baillie L., Bailey D., Joy M., Rachel L., & Kevin F. for helping me celebrate Towel Day like a total hoopy frood. Now I'm off to eat a salad.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Tuesday
May242016

WHO'S CRAZY NOW?!

I once mentioned on Twitter how much I love rainy days, because I never have to go outside. Then I might have said something about going 5 or 6 days without leaving the house, and hellooooo, Judgey McJudgersons!

Look, internet people, I don't need your pity. I HAVE CATS.

Besides, I DO leave the house on occasion. Sometimes even voluntarily. However, with Florida basically a giant steam sauna filled with mosquitoes right now, I prefer getting my sunshine through a window - and with the A/C at full blast, thankyouverymuch.

Some people think a lack of live social interaction can make you go a little funny in the head, but I say the opposite is true. In fact, every day I see perfectly socialized bakers churning out silent, frosting-soaked pleas for psychological intervention:

The sign says, "Turkey shaped cake." Tell me this isn't a cry for help.

 

And I'm not talking about special orders here, where you could understand, say, Darth Vader riding a My Little Pony. I'm talking the stuff they put out in the display cases, for all the world to see and quietly back away from, being careful to make no sudden movements.  

We call it, "Someone please just make the voices stop screaming."

[P.S. - Two words: "Blue boobs."]
[You're welcome.]

 

And now, edible ghost chickens, because, yeah, that's perfectly normal:

 "Bok Bok B'WoooOOOooo!"

 

The person who made this deals with people all day. 

 

Let's all take a moment to really let this one sink in:

 

This, too:

 And these:

Let's just say I wouldn't invite this baker over to babysit.

(Why are there ghost flies around the edge? And two monsters hiding beside the crib? WHY?)

 

For all the days I've spent peacefully working at home, it's never once occurred to me to make edible toes out of gummi rabbits. 

...and that almost makes me sad; I bet this baker's head would be a fun place to visit.

 

I clearly remember my pre-blog days, of course, back when I had "normal," people-riddled work places. The worst was the return desk at a TJ Maxx. After a day of dealing with deranged customers who insisted the waffle iron that still had waffles in it was "never used," I'm pretty sure even these would've looked like a good idea:

The trick is to eat them before they start talking.


So remember, extroverts, before you judge us hermits hiding behind the blinds and dressing our cats as Stargate characters, sometimes getting out of the house isn't always the answer.

Sometimes people just do better on their own. 

And sometimes the mutant Strawberry Ladybug thing just needs to die.

[twitch]

 


Hey Jill E., Niomi W., Anony M., Brocha S., Kelly W., Susan K., Carolyn T., Bethany, & Dani S, party at my place? Doctor Meow-Kay and Tail-La would love to meet you!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.