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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Beyond Bizarre (242)

Thursday
Nov232017

12 Thanksgiving Cakes To Make You EXTRA Thankful

John and I actually had our Thanksgiving dinner with family on Monday, and we had ham instead of turkey, but it was still totally Thanksgiving dinner because we used cloth napkins and the phrases "What's that supposed to mean?" and "No, YOU'RE wrong!" were used. YAY HOLIDAYS.

If that doesn't already make you feel more thankful, then here are twelve wrecks to remind you just how blessed you are to have a phone with Internet access so you can look at goofy cake pictures while your family argues politics. (Yeah, I know you're out there. Welcome!)

 

"Bad news, sir: the tiny phalluses have us surrounded. 

"Also, you're on fire."

 

It's the original Thanksgiving streaker!

(But what in the name of Stovetop is that "stuffing" made of?)

 

 

This bird is here to PUMP... *clap!* ...YOU UP!

"HURRRG! Watch me flex, ya!"

 

And this:

...is an EX-turkey.

(I can't help it; those stiff little legs crack me up every. single. time. And then I start pining for the fjords...)

 

Aw, don't cry, little fella! I'm sure all turkey cakes have visible bowels.

Or at least the ones around here, anyway.

 

This cake doesn't need commentary; it needs a sound effect.

Something like, "BLTTHHHHPPPPPPPPPP. THPP."

 

 

As a proud geek girl, I usually use the word "shiny" as a compliment.

Not this time. 

Also, that "cake" is butted up against real raw potatoes. You know how I know they're real potatoes? Because they're the only thing on that platter that looks like the thing they're supposed to be.

 

A lot of people have complained about Christmas decorations creeping in alongside all the Thanksgiving ones this year, but I didn't think it was so bad 'til I saw this:

YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, GINGERBREAD MAN.

 

Now for a quick etiquette lesson:

This is why you should always chew with your mouth closed.

And also why you should never confuse your TP with TNT. (Ouch.)

 

Which reminds me: anyone else think this turkey is mooning us?

Or is that too much of a stretch?

(HEYO!)

 

So in conclusion, allow me and the Ghost of Turkeys Past here to wish you a very Happy...

..."Itanksgiving."

 

Or, as most of us know it:

"Gooble Gooble Day." 

 

Thanks to Kimberly H.,  Craig, Katrina O., Sam K., David G., Michael H., Sara G., Ardin A., Susan F., Deborah B., Travis S., & Carolyn H. for the Thanksgiving thankfullness.

*****

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Thursday
Oct262017

Halloween Heckling

This season is almost too easy for snarks like me. C'mon, right now this is what passes for cake decorating:

And they say cake art is dead. Pfft.

 

Bakeries, of course, love it. Every conceivable mistake, no matter HOW bad, can now be made into a Halloween design.

 

Have a Barbie bride cake that's gone horribly wrong? Noo problem:

Voila! A ghost!

 

Did your icing bag explode in big globby piles on a cake board? We can work with that.

Just be sure to label it, so folks know what it is. See, now that it SAYS "Evil Witch Hat" you can totally see it, right? Er. Right?

 

What's that? Your bats don't look like bats? S'ok. We have a giant piece of plastic for that:

And hey, do you have any leftover stock we can make into Halloween designs? You know, like maybe some smiley faces? Oh, good! See, just add some fangs...a little broken English...and...

Ta daa! Now it's a vampire!

 

I know it's a stretch, Darshani, Bettina G., Shayne H., Kylie K., Lauren, & Rachel J., but don't worry; it's Halloween. People will totally buy it.

*****

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