It's Not Fat, It's Fluffy

Happy Fat Tuesday, everyone!!

Ok, you've already got your King Cake, of course, but what about your OTHER Mardi Gras cake?

You know, the one to frighten off small children.

 

Yeah, that one.

[GEEK JOKE: Looks like Lady Cassandra found a new makeup artist. Haha! ZING.]

This one could also work:

THE FLY!!!

The comedy and tragedy masks are a great choice for warding off pesky youngin's:

 

...provided you only use the tragedy side, of course. Fortunately, most bakers are way ahead of you there:

 

Yep, that's a tragedy.

 

YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED THE TIKI GODS.

NOW GO CALL YOUR MOTHER.

What's that? You're still surrounded by rug rats? Ok, time to break out the big flotsam:

Part of me wants to run away screaming, but the other half wants to glue all that stuff to my face and go grocery shopping. And if you don't think I'd move the mole to a new spot on my face every five minutes, then you just don't know me. Or Robin Hood: Men In Tights.

Well, I trust these scary selections have sent the kids packing, so let me end with a very special birthday wish:

[soulful singing]

I see your literal "colors"

SHINING THROUGH!

I see your literal "colors"

And THAT'S WHY I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS ORDER SHEET.

 
Thanks to Heather D., Elizabeth D., Karen E., Bunny, Julia K., & Deana M. for not sending in more King Cakes. Seriously. THANK YOU. ;)

Bikram Beauties

Pssssst. You guys. I don't want to scare anyone, but I think Jen may be losing it.

I'm home with the flu, and my husband — who GAVE it to me — has me on house arrest until the fever breaks and I'm "lucid" ­­— his word, not mine. He doesn't get that I'm actually way sharper when I have a teensy fever. It's like that Bikram Yoga stuff. You know, the kind they do in the 105° rooms: the heat loosens you up and gets you way more flexible.

Since I'm stuck here, I figured I'd do some Bikram Cake Wrecks. But I can't find any wrecks! Everything Jen's tagged as a wreck is gorgeous! I think the pressure of turning out a daily blog is finally getting to her...

Here, let me show you some of the cakes she's calling wrecks:

Don't they look cozy? And with three babies you can avoid some of that ugly squabbling over who gets the head. Perfect.

Look at this sweet little leopard, napping in the forest while the fireflies glow.

 Adorable! He's even got a widdle-bitty pet fork! And what a clever idea to mash all the cupcakes together like that - you even get extra frosting under the wrappers!

This re-telling of Cannonball Run is brilliant:

It would have been so confusing without the extra birthday sign and airplane, though. Now, the plot's crystal clear!

OK, I'll admit this one has an error.

That should be a #2, not a 1, but the workmanship is excellent.

This is a perfect representation of Spongebob doing the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona:

It's a great way to teach your kids about Spanish culture, and if Spongebob gets gored no one really gets hurt -- 'cuz he's squishy!

Win-win.

Everyone knows you can't go wrong with unicorns.

They're magical.

And what about this? I've never seen a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast done better.

Never.

See? Jen's losing it! What should I do?

(Do you think john (thoJ) knows?)

Maybe I'll write her a song explaining the problem, right after I fix the Bugblatter Beast a sandwich.

(What? Jen's been losing it for a while, but he's hungry now.)

Thanks to Gretchen W., Nancy M., Laura H., Wendy E., Wendy R., Ginger G., and Anne-Marie L. for feverishly scouring their local bakeries for today's stunners.