Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Beyond Bizarre (199)

Monday
Oct282013

Bibbidy Bobbidy Ew

I think we're all still recovering from Friday's hoo-haw horrors, so let's do something a little different today. Let's take a look at what Anwen E. spotted in the Halloween aisle:

It's kind of like the plastic princess topper they use for cakes, except it has a big fabric skirt... that you cover your pumpkin with.

That's right, you're supposed to buy a pumpkin... and then cover it up with this.

Sadly the skirt isn't long enough to completely hide that pumpkin eyesore, but apparently it's still sufficient to "turn any pumpkin into one of your favorite characters!"

So I'm holding out for Pete Venkman.

But wait, there's more!

After I finished rant-asking John who would possibly want to buy such a thing, much less use it, I returned to my inbox to discover this vintage photo from Toni H. of her fourth birthday cake:

Er...

Toni, you didn't by any chance go into Halloween product design after this, did you?

 

Still, it's important we remember there are always far worse things you can put on a pumpkin. Or a cake. Or even a pumpkin cake:

 

Thanks to Anwen E., Toni H., Michelle D., Loren B., & Shon, who will all turn into adorable woodland creatures after the clock strikes twelve tonight, and then come clean my house. (That's how this works, right?)

Friday
Oct182013

The 12 Most Bat Poop Crazy Halloween Cakes OF ALL TIME

... at least until Monday's post. :)

This is why I love Halloween, my dear wreckies: the normal boundaries of sanity need not apply.

"I was looking at a mud puddle, and it spoke to me, and it said, 'Give me the face of a hippie, man. Plus a crap ton of edible glitter and plastic eyeballs.' So I did."

 

Ghost?
Skeleton?
Willem Dafoe after a bender?
YOU DECIDE.

 

Of course wreckerators love them some plastic flotsam at the best of times, but for Halloween they really pull out ALL THE STOPS.

IT'S A TRAP.
A Tootsie Trap.

Which sounds kind of delicious, but no.

 

What's got four plastic feet, plastic eyes, a plastic hat, and vaguely disconcerting icing "hair" sprouting out of a purple brick?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THIS.

 

I think this is supposed to be a vampire, but all I see is a Muppet who had too much whip cream on his hot cocoa. D'awww.

Uh-oh, we've veered dangerously into "cute" territory.

I CAN FIX THAT.

Whew! Close one.

 

And now, GHOST BOOBIES:

I take comfort in knowing we're all equally traumatized here.

 

A lot of times people ask me, "Hey, Jen, are there black olives on those Halloween cupcakes?!"

And my answer is always the same: "What, next to the bleeding gummi teeth? I have no idea."

True story, bra. TRUE STORY.

(Except for the part about people talking to me. AHAHAHAH[sob].)

 

Sometimes a baker can't decide if she wants to make a ghost or a jack-o-lantern.

Other times she just slaps a bunch of crappily iced cupcakes together, goes to lunch, and gets paid the same anyway.

I'm not saying wreckerators are lazy around Halloween, of course, I'm just saying that... uh... hang on. [whispering off camera to unseen informant] They're selling WHAT now??

YOU LAZY BASTARDS.

 

Oh, hey, THERE's the face that will haunt my nightmares tonight:

I was wondering when that would show up.

 

And finally, POD BABY:

Congratulations, bakers. I am officially speechless.

 

Thanks to Anony M., Ronald C., Melissa M., Alana G., Jessica M., Laura S., Ana K., Karra A., Lea B., Andrea O., Vette, & Anony M., who think pod babies look a lot like Mandrake Roots wrapped in old banana peels.