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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Beyond Bizarre (200)

Friday
Oct182013

The 12 Most Bat Poop Crazy Halloween Cakes OF ALL TIME

... at least until Monday's post. :)

This is why I love Halloween, my dear wreckies: the normal boundaries of sanity need not apply.

"I was looking at a mud puddle, and it spoke to me, and it said, 'Give me the face of a hippie, man. Plus a crap ton of edible glitter and plastic eyeballs.' So I did."

 

Ghost?
Skeleton?
Willem Dafoe after a bender?
YOU DECIDE.

 

Of course wreckerators love them some plastic flotsam at the best of times, but for Halloween they really pull out ALL THE STOPS.

IT'S A TRAP.
A Tootsie Trap.

Which sounds kind of delicious, but no.

 

What's got four plastic feet, plastic eyes, a plastic hat, and vaguely disconcerting icing "hair" sprouting out of a purple brick?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THIS.

 

I think this is supposed to be a vampire, but all I see is a Muppet who had too much whip cream on his hot cocoa. D'awww.

Uh-oh, we've veered dangerously into "cute" territory.

I CAN FIX THAT.

Whew! Close one.

 

And now, GHOST BOOBIES:

I take comfort in knowing we're all equally traumatized here.

 

A lot of times people ask me, "Hey, Jen, are there black olives on those Halloween cupcakes?!"

And my answer is always the same: "What, next to the bleeding gummi teeth? I have no idea."

True story, bra. TRUE STORY.

(Except for the part about people talking to me. AHAHAHAH[sob].)

 

Sometimes a baker can't decide if she wants to make a ghost or a jack-o-lantern.

Other times she just slaps a bunch of crappily iced cupcakes together, goes to lunch, and gets paid the same anyway.

I'm not saying wreckerators are lazy around Halloween, of course, I'm just saying that... uh... hang on. [whispering off camera to unseen informant] They're selling WHAT now??

YOU LAZY BASTARDS.

 

Oh, hey, THERE's the face that will haunt my nightmares tonight:

I was wondering when that would show up.

 

And finally, POD BABY:

Congratulations, bakers. I am officially speechless.

 

Thanks to Anony M., Ronald C., Melissa M., Alana G., Jessica M., Laura S., Ana K., Karra A., Lea B., Andrea O., Vette, & Anony M., who think pod babies look a lot like Mandrake Roots wrapped in old banana peels.

Monday
Oct072013

Let's Shut Down This Party, Bee-Yotches!

I'll admit I haven't really been following the news because, y'know, Pinterest, but from what I can tell the U.S. government shut down last week because Miley Cyrus had sex with a wrecking ball.

You know what that means?

That means ANYTHING GOES, my friends. ANYTHING. There are no rules! I can post whatever I want! Like this!

I hear the store only sells these in pairs.

 

Or this!

Because Friday's placenta cake needed an appetizer.
(Or does that make this the main course?)
[evil grin]

 

That's right, my friends, today we get to have our CACE and drive it, too!

Whatever that means.

 

In case you think another angle will make more sense:

It won't.

 

Wow, this no-rules thing is so liberating! I FEEL ALIVE! Let's... let's... let's glue a bunch of brownies together with a big glob of icing!!

 

And then let's decorate a box of beer... like a CAKE! Haha!

Bud Light? Dude, you just got punked... TWICE.

 

Of course, a wild and crazy ride like this can never last, my dear wreckies. At some point, someone has to pay the piper.

Sooo... how much do we owe you, Janine M.?

 

Thanks to Amy D., M.P., Rilo, Kimberly R., Paris S., and Janine M., a baker who knows how to make the best of a situation when cupcakes meet an untimely demise.