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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Beyond Bizarre (200)

Friday
Jun072013

DONUT TEST ME, MAN

In honor of National Donut Day, I give you: 

13 Ways To Wreck a Perfectly Good Donut

(Because what are donuts, really, except small, holey cakes? That are deep-fried? I rest my case.)

 

1) Add poop:

 

2) Add poop with a worm crawling out of it:

 

3) Or a worm crawling out of... um... these things:

 

4) Put One Freaky Eye On It:

("I'm meeeel-ting!")


5) Put Four Freaky Teeth On It:

 

6) Make it angry:

 

7) Make it scary:

(Then tell kids it's the Easter Bunny.)

 

8) Make it confusing:

(Wha...?)


9) Glue a bunch together with frosting and call it a "donut cake."

(Hang on, what fresh abomination is this?)

 

10) Or stack them and call it a "wedding cake."

OY.

 

11) Misspell it:

S-U-A! S-U-A!

 

12) Or do this to it:

Ick.

 

13) Or, if all else fails, this:

"I'm sorry, but could I get a little more frosting on this? And maybe another waffle cone? With a cream pie on top? And some Gummi Bears? And one of those King Cakes? And then wrap it in a few dozen pancakes? Yeaaaah, that'd be greeeeeat."

 

Thanks to April R., Amy N., Susanna C., Ashley W., Aubrey L., Janet V., Sarah B., Malisa I., Jennifer S., Rachel K., Carol G., Sheriden C., & Rivit, and no, I won't make you one of those, because a girl's got to have standards. Plus I'm fresh out of King Cakes.

Monday
Jun032013

Channel Surfing

In honor of National Repeat Day, I thought we'd click through the channels and see what kind of reruns are playing on the ol' wrecky replay set!

[turning on magic internet TV]

[adjusting rabbit ears]

[then adjusting TV antennae]

[HEYO!]

Ahem. Ok, here we go!

[sound of static fading out]

"... check it! The caretaker here says there's this dog? That's like a ghost? That haunts the library and kills people? So we should totally go there."

"Whoa!"

*beep* *beep* *beeeeeeeeeeeep* 

"Did you *beeeep*'n see that?!?"

[camera swinging wildly, sound of scuffling feet]

*beeeeep*

"Dude, tell me you got that on tape!!"

"Sorry, bra. It was pointed at the floor."

"Whoa."


*CLICK*!

 

"... telling ya, Bob, this here's the BEST vegetable rodeo since the great Zucchini Zambonis of  '02!"

*CLICK*!

 

"And next we have a particularly colorful specimen:

"The Majestic Disco Newt! Let us pause a moment to admire his beautiful plumage.

"Right. That's long enough. And finally, we have..."

 

*CLICK!*

 

[fast-talking-yet-unenthusiastic guy in headset] "When you're done, just throw it in the dishwasher. It's metal. It's shaped like a heart. Look at these balloons:

"There's three different colors. You could use four colors. Or five. It doesn't matter. Pan-Wow.

"Made in Germany. You know the Germans always make good stuff. Use it for Christmas. Use it for ..."

 

 *CLICK!*

 

"So I says to her, 'hey, baby, don't let the tiny clown car fool you; it's not the way you throw the cream pie, it's the way you put the tutu on the dog!' And she was all, 'What?' and I was all ..."

 

*CLICK!*

 

[Severe announcer voice] "Now picture, if you will, five ravenous-yet-dim-witted Shih Tzu dogs:

[sternly] "Let's call them Muffy, Boopsie, Precious, Buttercup and Mr. Snuggles.

 "Now picture, if you will, a face of terror that watches in malignant silence far beyond your present capacity to understand. A face enigmatically bizarre in terms of time and space. A face ...

 

"... of a tweety bird."

 

*CLICK!*

 

Yep, as I suspected: nothing on. Ah well! Maybe we'll have better luck tomorrow.

 

Thanks to Leslie, Jordarn J., Marie H., Amy F., Matt N., Christine S. for the rerun run-through.