Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Beyond Bizarre (200)

Saturday
Dec062008

What Do You Get for an Investment Banker?

Why, this cake, of course:


Sarah P.'s brother got this cake for her husband, an investment banker. It's like the Sci-Fi channel meets WWF: the earth has cracked open, and a demonic blood-sucking leech has attacked one of the wrestlers.

OH, wait - I just got the connection! Blood sucking leech/investment banker! How did I miss that?

:)

And now a word from our new Director of Sensitivity, Pat:

"Jen in no way means to imply, allude to, or otherwise state that all investment bankers are blood sucking leeches or, conversely, that all blood sucking leeches are investment bankers. Any and all similarities between the aforementioned “Investment Bankers” and “Blood Sucking Leeches” may be purely coincidental and should be disregarded unless, of course, the above parties wish to be known as each other, in which case we, as members of the “World Community” should accept and embrace that choice."

Thursday
Dec042008

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Yes, my friends, the time draws nigh: a season of love, joy, peace, goodwill towards those who think the same way you do - why, I can almost feel the warm fuzzies building towards critical mass as I type. Won't you join me in a moment of fuzzy-basking?

[basking] Mmmm.

Ok, enough of that. On to the Wreckage!

Now, while schools and religious and community organizations the world over strive to celebrate all the goodness of the season, bakeries are fighting back the only way they know how: with an unfolding drama of tragedy, anger, and mutation - right there among the rye and pumpernickel.

First, let's set the scene with a nice crackling fire in the ol' fireplace:

See, I know this is a fireplace (and not Mount Vesuvius) because it says "Fireplace" on the cake board. [tapping temple] I'm "smaht" like that.

Next let's meet some of the characters featured in this month's tale of Christmas*-gone-wrong:

Ah, here we have the Ghost of Reindeers Past, obviously rendered by a Salvador Dali enthusiast. The gaping hole where his nose used to be reminds us of the fragility of life; the melting ears of how rarely we stop to listen; and the giant red spooge of...uh... how we should always use a napkin after eating? Yeah, let's go with that.

Next there's Snappy, the stitched-together Yuletide monster:

He's made of sugar and spice and will mess your a$$ UP, beeyotches.

Oh, and let's not forget the Turdaphants:
These harbingers of Christmas "cheer" are perpetually puckered up, the better to suck your spirit dry with.

And finally, there's the Big Guy himself:

He just hasn't been the same since he lost his nose in that unfortunate sledding accident. Oh, and best not to let on that you can tell his beard is fake; that's how Rudolph got his trick knee.

Thanks to today's casting agents: Jennifer E., Carly O., Heidi A., Laura F., and Khara K!

* Yep, I've decided to live dangerously and use the word "Christmas" this month. If that offends you, rest assured that none of these Wrecks are going to make "Christmas" look good. :)