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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Cake News (55)

Thursday
Mar072013

STAND BACK! I'm About To Make Some Cutting Remarks

I'm sure many of you heard the news yesterday about a Dad finding a paring knife in his young son's birthday cake from Wal-Mart.

 I know, right?!

Fortunately no one was hurt or anything; the family just found the small knife sandwiched between the cake and cakeboard after cutting in a few slices.

Still, this story caught my attention for a few reasons:

1) It involves cake

2) It happened in John's home town of Lewiston, Maine, AKA the place no one has ever heard of 'til now, and I bet the Lewistonians are SO happy that THIS is what's finally put them on the map.

3) Back in 2010 I featured Amy L's cake which had a pair of scissors embedded in it, and THAT never captured national attention:

Maybe it's because Amy didn't think to take a picture before pulling the scissors out of the cake. Or maybe it's because she didn't think to call in the local news crews and start giving interviews on how traumatizing the discovery was.

“People started leaving and the family was pretty upset,” the father, Nathan Bibeau, said. “We’re not ever going to get that second birthday back ever, you know?” (That is an actual quote. I am not making this up.)

Then the father bit his lip and stared despairingly off into the distance while a single tear tracked its way down his excessively traumatized cheek. (Ok, maybe I made that part up.) (OR DID I?)


Anyway, as is the American way, Mr. Bibeau graciously accepted both Wal-Mart's apology and refund and said he was just glad that no one was hurt hired a lawyer.

But that's not the funny part. The FUNNY part is how Wal-Mart has decided to prevent this kind of thing from happening in the future:

They've banned the use of that particular paring knife in all of their bakeries.

 

Yes, really.

Gosh, next they'll be banning customers from taking pictures of their cakes in order to avoid ending up here on Cake Wrecks! Hah!

Anyway, on the very real chance that Mr. Bibeau ends up a millionaire because of this, well first, KILL ME NOW, but second, I'll soon be representing Kaitlin A. in her legal case, because, look! TRAUMATIC SCISSORS!!

 

These were sealed inside the box with the birthday girl's cake, and though she hasn't admitted it yet, I think the shock and trauma have ensured that Kaitlin will never work again. Someone has to pay for that, you guys. And someone has to pay my reasonable 15% representation fee.

I'm also in talks with Stephanie J., because...TRAUMATIC SPOON!!

 

And Xela G. will never get that work anniversary back after finding this life-threateningly stabby TRAUMATIC FORK!!

Never EVER.

 

And finally, I'd ask you all to respect Laura C. in her time of healing, because... TRAUMATIC BIEBER!!

 I'm negotiating the exclusive interview on this myself, TV peeps. And I like whoopie pies. Just sayin'.



Thanks to Caitlin C.,  Rachel S., & Jessica B. for today's traumas, and to Sam's Pizza in Lewiston, Maine, for being the first place to introduce me to whoopie pies. AWWW YEEEAH. (And your pizza's pretty rockin', too.)

Monday
Nov192012

What About The Twinkie?

Friends, we are gathered here today to remember an American icon: the Hostess Twinkie.

We thought he'd live forever. Heck, some of us even based our post-apocalyptic plans on it.

 And so we frittered away our time with ol' Twinkie, piling him up willy-nillie,

via

 

stacking him like LEGOs: 

via

 

and even deep-frying him:

(which I hear is delicious.)

 

But Twinkie also inspired the arts, creating a real buzz around town:

By Hungry Happenings

 

...and fostering some truly Despicable adorableness:

By Lynda of And Dipped In Chocolate

(We can only hope these were banana cream filled. "BANANA!")

 

Twinkie also played an integral part in many of our generation's weddings, joining forces with his fellow snack cakes to form a veritable pillar of class, convenience, and consternation:

 

 

Adding to the tragedy, Twinkies' fellow Hostess compatriots also share in his demise. Or, to put it more plainly: ding dong, the Ding Dong's dead.

Still, it's good to remember during this time of mourning that Twinkies brought people together.

And they had beef fat in them.

But mostly the people thing.

 

 

Dearest Twinkie, you were filled with cream, but we are filled with sadness. 

Your spongy exterior may have been reinforced with bovine blubber,

but ours will crumble under the weight of our heavy, heavy loss. 

Yea, though we walk through the aisle at Wal-Mart

with no Hostess boxes in sight,  

we shall fear no hunger...

via 

 ...for Little Debbie Swiss Rolls are still with us.

(Awww yeeeeeeah.)

 

Thanks to Mags, Lilla, & Annie S. for making me seriously crave some snack cakes right about now.

 

UPDATE: SuBee's comment today is too hysterical not to share:

"And the prophet said, cast ye your countenance toward the Walmart, and follow thy heart to the junk food aisle, for there the snack cakes are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. For the munchies are upon you, and the hunger is deep. Look with wonder upon the gifts you have been given. Of the puffed cheese and popped corn, you may eat, but not the HoHo. Of the jerky and Nutella and Doritos you may have your fill, but not the Twinkie. Of the potato chip, plain or barbecue, ranch or sugar coated, you may eat, but not the Donette. Of the oil based snack of dubious origin you may eat, but not the Ding Dong. Though your craving be deep, think not of the little chocolate cupcake with the white squiggle thereupon. For the punishment is upon us and Hostess is no more. And the people wept."

Lamentations 8:11-20

 

Thine comments hath madeth us laugheth out loudeth, SuBee. BLESS YOUR FACE.