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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Creative Grammar (71)

Friday
Sep052008

Promises, Promises


Well, at least the cake-giver is precise. Can't have any raised expectations, now, can we?

"It's exactly one time, alright? Not 1.5, not even 1.001 - just ONE. Like to the 3rd decimal: one point zero zero zero. Got it? Now pass me the Advil, and don't go getting all handsy."

Wreckporter Jenifer tells me her hubby found this gem pre-decorated, so any backstory was completely in the mind of the decorator. (There's a scary thought.) You do have to wonder why a puppy dog was chosen to be the bearer of such lackluster news, though. Well, unless that "bow" is actually a grievous head wound; I suppose a dead dog would be appropriately depressing. Hm.

Hey! Speaking of dead dogs:


This poor little pooch looks utterly pooped. Or deceased. One of the two, anyway. And those eyes are waaay too realistic for me: who wants their cake slice to be giving them puppy dog eyes - er, I mean, eye?

Geri C., we'll just save that piece for you, eh?

UPDATE: Many of you have alerted me to the fact that in some countries a decimal point is used instead of a comma, which would make the first cake say "I love 1,000 Time!" However, a) that still makes no sense b) it would also make it grammatically incorrect, and c) it was purchased in the good ol' US of A. So either way, it's still a Wreck.

On a side note, I initially thought of posting a link to Mariah Carey's song "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time", since that's the first thing that popped into my head. After some consideration, though, I decided I liked you all too much to inflict that kind of torture.

Wednesday
Aug272008

Cake Writing 101: The Art of Spacing

"Alright, class, settle down. It's time to go over last week's pop quiz on inscription spacing, and I'm going to tell you all right now: I am not impressed. Laura? Are you here? Ah, there you are. Laura, would you be so kind as to tell the class just WHAT you were thinking when you made this cake?"

"What's that? You were trying to center the name? Well, emphasis on 'trying', huh? And I suppose it never occurred to that pretty little brain of yours to curve 'congratulations' - you know, like we covered in class just last week? Oh, do stop blubbering and take it like a decorator - geesh. They give me a bunch of pansies these days. Hey, where are you going? You get back in your seat, young lady!

"Alright, fine, since Laura would obviously rather blubber in the little girl's room, let's move on to Katie's cake."

"Katie, my blog is 3 column: why is your cake? Were you planning on pasting in some ads and a blog roll on the sides? No, you do NOT get extra credit for it being "almost" centered. What do I look like, a charity? Oh, and Katie? Do you happen to remember any of the three HUNDRED times I've lectured on the improper use of quotation marks? By that blank doe-eyed look you're giving me, I'd say no. Imbeciles. I am surrounded by imbeciles.

"Chris! Just where do you think you're trying to sneak off to, hm? Well, before you rush off, why don't we all take a look at your creation."


"Chris, congratulations. You managed to take a perfectly reasonable 3-line greeting and cram it into a beautifully centered 2-line inscription, and for no discernible reason. Bravo. Really.

"Now, what half-wit among you is responsible for this?"

"Sarah, I don't care how pretty it is, this is a class on spacing! Did you just get tired halfway through writing the name Brittany? Because that's what it looks like! And don't think I don't see those quotation marks, little missy, because I DO. Just for that, you get to wash all of today's piping tips - by hand.

"And lastly, Doug, against all odds yours was actually the best of the lot - although that's hardly saying much."


"Still, since you produced the least horrific example, you may leave early today. The rest of you, prepare to practice until carpal tunnel leaves your little hands as twisted as my wife's idea of 'fun'. Now mach schnell!"

Thanks to MR for the 1st photo. The rest I found all by myself. :)