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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Creative Grammar (69)

Wednesday
Aug102011

Our Days Are Numbered

After all the doom and gloom on the news lately, and watching the roller coaster ride that is our stock market (Ok, less "roller coaster," and more "log flume drop") yesterday John and I were happy to receive a "cheer up, it could be worse!" call courtesy of our fine government.

Actually, the call may have been more like, "Cheer up, it's about to get worse," but the upshot is we're being audited.

Don't worry, though - hey, we're not! In fact, I have a sure fire plan for dealing with auditors that simply cannot fail.

Firthly, you need a good numbers system:

Sixndly, you want to make sure all your numbers are written legibly: 

 This is either a 6, 9, comma, or apostrophe. Or a wormhole singularity. Which, given our filing system, is probably the most likely.

 Ermmm...Italy. Final answer.


To maintain a casual and friendly atmosphere, be sure to call the auditor "a # '2'" whenever possible:

That'll wipe out any irregular feelings of stopped-up hostility, and move things along in a more loose and relaxed manner. Remember, if your auditor is irritabowel, you could have a real crap shoot on your hands.

 

It's also really important to get your dates right: 

I trust this has a long shelf life.

 

And finally, if any of your numbers don't add up, remember: you can always make new ones!

 

Squiggle g pi is mine, though - go get your own new numbers.

 

Thanks to my number fun wreckporters Jen G., Hilary L., Joshua K., Alyson, Krista and Katherine. And don't worry, guys; it's just a government insurance audit. How bad can it be?

Note: Please don't answer that.
 

 

Monday
Jul252011

Overselling It

"Good day, Madam! Please allow me to welcome you to the West Rutheford Winery, Gastropub and Patisserie. Might I offer you a moist towelette?"

"Um, no. I just need to order a cake for my son's birthday, please."

"But of course! We have many, many cakes to choose from. If I may point out on our Ménu dú Jöur, here you see we have our Incredibly Moist Chocolate Cake Uniquely Finished By Hand With Butter Cream Icing."

"As you can see, it is 'Great For Any Occasion.'"

"Finished by hand? Are you sure feet weren't involved?" [smirking]

[ahem] "Ah, yes, very amusing. Well, Madam, if that is not your particular cup of Earl Gray, might I suggest our Moist Gold Cake Uniquely Hand Finished Tastes Just Like A Real "WATERMELON"?


"Soooo, it tastes like a watermelon?"

"Not at all, Madam. It tastes like a 'WATERMELON.'"

"Ah."

"Ah, but I have saved the best for last! It is the pièce de résistance of our repertoire, the crème de la crème, the horloge de le stylo du la baguette fo di fa fa! Behold!

"A Rich Belgian Chocolate Cup filled with a layer of moist yellow Cake, Fudge, and sweet cream Ice Cream and topped with fluffy white Frosting...


...and a menstrual duo."

"Ew."

"As you might expect, this is available but once a month."

...


"Madam? Wait! Where are you going?!"

Thanks to eagle-eyed Wreckporters Dawn C. and Aimee W. who are just glad that last one isn't red velvet.

Oh, and since *I* couldn't figure it out, I thought you might want to know that last label should read minstrel - which is apparently a type of cake. Plus, when Aimee pointed it out to the manager she shrugged, said they were all probably like that, and put it back on the shelf. Yay, quality control!