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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Creepy Cakes (162)

Friday
May132016

Creepy Clowns vs Creepy Boobs: We Report, YOU DECIDE

Fun Fact: I can't stand horror movies, but I love - LOOOOVE - creepy cakes.

I'm not talking intentionally creepy stuff, like zombies or gore or "Baby Bump" cakes - no, I mean the ones that a baker finished, looked at, and thought, "Yeah, that's pretty cute."

I'm told this is some kind of clown.

I'm also told that a Hitler joke here will "get us in so much trouble are you freaking kidding me babe NOOOO." So never mind.

 

Kids can be creepy enough* as it is, bakers, so please, STOP HELPING:

[*True Story: One time John and I were meeting with a fan at a busy restaurant, and the table next to us parked their stroller - which had a beautiful little boy in it - right across from me. The toddler had ice blue eyes and a slack, deadpan expression, and proceeded to stare at me. The entire. Time. Then John and the reader left to get drinks, leaving me alone with Baby Demon Eyes, and I kept trying not to notice, but every time I glanced over he was STILL STARING, like he was trying to mind-control me into stealing everyone's souls and/or chocolate, and his parents were totally oblivious, and I started to freak out, and long story short, I only have a few dozen more hours of community service to go.]

 

Animal Safari Cake Claims Latest Victim:

Quick! Somebody throw the baby a rope! Unless he won't stop staring at you!

 

Speaking of staring:

Dang, Woody. You creepy.

 

But even that plastic menace is about to be eclipsed by the funky cake bazoongas of one not-quite-life-sized Dolly Parton cake:

I worry about her structural integrity, you guys. Like, she could topple over any second and smother you with her cakey fun bags. Which I guess is kind of like real life? Only more awkward, because in real life you probably wouldn't ever have to lick off Dolly Parton's boob smears, and wow did that go somewhere I didn't want to go fast.

[side eye]

[awkwardly sidles out of the room]

 

Thanks to Nisha T., Niki R., Paula, Tenley H., & Summer S., who agree we should all stop thinking about licking Dolly Parton's boobs now. Stop it. Stop it. STOP IT.

*****

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Tuesday
May032016

Wreck Busters!

It's National Paranormal Day, which makes this an EXCELLENT time to check your bakery for paranormal activity, wreckerators.

"You're right; no HUMAN BEING would decorate cakes like this."

 

Just think, if you find any, you can blame your wrecks on ghosts! Which sounds WAY cooler than blaming "Pam from the deli," 'cuz lets be honest, that's not fooling anyone. WE ALL KNOW THERE'S NO PAM.

Twenty five years of being the virtual scapegoat. Bummer.

 

OK, first things first: get a bunch of friends together, turn off all the lights, and film each other screaming in the dark.

"Okay, who brought the dog?!"

 Then, when everyone's good and winded, head over to the bakery to start checking for ghosts.

 

Now, sometimes the signs are incredibly subtle, so be on the lookout for anything even slightly "off."

 

 

There are a few common symptoms of spectral shenanigans, though:

1) Bleeding Cakes

Well there's something you don't see every day.

 

2) DVPs, or "Distorted Voice Phenomena"

"I swear that's what they said on the phone!"

Ahh, it's the unexplained sponge migration all over again.
(You forget: I WAS THERE.)

MASS HYSTERIA.

 

3) Inexplicable Creepiness

Why?

 

Why??

 

DANGIT "PAM."

 

And hey, if any of you do see an actual ghost, I know exactly what to do:

GET HER!!!

And bring ice cream.

 

Thanks to Beth S., Lisa V., Carolyn, Jackie M., Marissa I., Victoria G., Cheryl C., Ana S., Brianne A., Rachel G., & Amy S. for picking up the phone and calling the prefessionals: WRECK BUSTERS.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.