Ghost Taunters: Friday the 13th Editions

[dramatic voice-over guy]: "Today, on Ghost Taunters International, the team travels to Geneva to investigate an ancient spa slaughterhouse that was also used as an asylum for homicidal clowns."

"Uh...guys? Does the fountain always do that?"

"Where tortured souls, rubber noses, and victims of unspeakable beauty treatments lie in wait..."

"There's something in the water. THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WATER."

[sounds of scuffling]

"Oh, never mind. It's just some disembodied arms. And maybe a child's head."

"PHEW! For a second there, I thought we'd found a cold spot."

"And dark forces seem to be lurking...in the dark."

"Ok, who brought the dog?"

"Are these wayward spirits trying to break free from their unearthly shackles and actually make contact?"

"Okay, I've got a plan. Stay close...stay close!...and..."

"GET HER!"

[shrieks]

[more scuffling]

"Oh. Sorry, Leslie. But really, you might consider laying off the white powder and mascara."

"What shocking new evidence will be revealed in the team's quest for proof of the supernatural?"

[sssppssspspsspppssIwanttoeatyourfacessppsps]

[gasping] "OMIGOSH. Someone said my name. Did you hear that? Something said, 'Leslie.' I swear! Did you hear it?"

"I dunno; sounded more like 'Cream Cheese' to me."

"I heard 'Velveeta.'"

"Anyone else getting hungry?"

"Or could these spirits be up to more serious funny business?"

"The clowns are angry. I can feel it."

"Ok, if there are any clowns down here, could you please give us another sign? Maybe this time without killing our camera man?"

"Will the team find answers in this circus/spa/slaughterhouse?"

"This was the seaweed wrap room, wasn't it?"

"How did you know?"

"Just a hunch."

"Or will they face their greatest challenge yet?"

"Ug. You know, in this infrared your pores look DISGUSTING. Seriously. You should, like, exfoliate or something."

"Find out, on Ghost Taunters, International!"

Thanks to Cynthia C. booturtle, Teri P., Natalie B., Chris C., Lyn W., Diana M., & Anna M. for the MASS HYSTERIA.

Some Bunnies Watching Me

John and I are visiting my parents this week, and each night after they go to bed we work online for a while downstairs. There are only two problems with this:

1) My dad collects old clocks, so we are surrounded by multiple sources of nonstop tic. tic. ticking. Which can be soothing, but when you're facing down a cruel bout of writer's block, it's surprisingly unhelpful. All I hear is, "Aren't. You. Done. Yet. Aren't. You. Done. Yet."

2) One of my parents' two dogs - an old, fat, yippy little thing named Princess - not only appears to be demon possessed, she also sounds and acts it. Meaning at 1:30 in the morning she'll shuffle over to the doorway of the living room where we're working, sit, and stare at us. And because she's mildly asthmatic, she'll be making the most ungodly snuffling gurgly wheezy noises while she's staring at us. Then two or three clocks will all start ominously chiming the hour, and Princess will be staring and wheezing at us there in the shadows, and I'm gamely doing my best to ignore it all and not run screaming for the car when I open the latest batch of submissions and see this:

She's watching you. Aaaalwaaaays waaaaatching.

And this:

I never imagined an egghead with a Tom Selleck 'stache could be so terrifying.

And then this:

"Ooh, I hated the Colonel, with his wee beany eyes!"

[+10 geek points if you can ID that quote.]

Hey, you know what this collection of scary bunny cakes needs?

Scary bunny clowns.

Excellent. Now my nightmares can be extra colorful.

I figured it couldn't get much worse, but just now Princess started gurgle-growling in her sleep (I don't dare look to see if her eyes are open), and I see the Easter Bunny's tiny snaggle-toothed minions have arrived to torment me:

Great. And just when I thought I'd successfully blocked out that scene from Young Sherlock Holmes, too.

"Can't sleep. Cupcakes will force-feed themselves to me."

Tina N., C. H., Katrina S., Kay S., & Amanda A., as a special thanks for today's nightmare fuel, I'd like to share a message from Princess, who just twitched and growled herself awake:

Sweet dreams.