Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Creepy Cakes (147)

Tuesday
Oct012013

Well, THAT'S Handsy

You know those cringe-inducing pregnancy photos where the mom-to-be's mostly naked and the shirtless dad is standing behind her caressing her belly, and all you can think is how you don't even like going to the pool in a bikini, but here they are, all up in yo' Facebook feed, smirking the smirk of the freshly procreated?

Well, doesn't that sight make you, like, totally hungry?

 

NEEDS MOAR HANDS.

 

If you'll excuse me, Katie A., I'll just be over here screaming forever. (And they're saying my doll-and-butcher-knife mobile is creepy. YEESH.)


PS - I just had a lengthy conversation with John about that ring and hand placement. That has to be the pointer finger, guys. IT HAS TO. Otherwise, ouch. 

Wednesday
Aug072013

Just Clowning Around

Hey, remember when clowns were funny, endearing creatures that delighted young children with their crazy antics and playful innocence?

Yeah, me neither.

 

"I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL."

 

Believe it or not, I used to BE a clown. I'm talking face paint, balloon animals - the works. I realize that automatically makes me creepy and terrifying, but as a five-foot-tall, pigtail-wearing geek girl, I'm actually Ok with that.

"FEAR ME!!"

"Oh, and could you grab the Cheerios off the top shelf? I can't reach."

 

You're probably wondering how children reacted to me as a clown, since everyone knows clowns only exist to obtain your internal organs in as bloody a method as possible - which they will then juggle in front of you, cackling, while an out-of-tune calliope churns slowly in the background and you're surrounded by fun house mirrors and porcelain dolls with empty eye sockets who somehow seem to be getting closer... and closer...

Sorry, where was I?

Oh, right. The kids.

To be honest, I spent my clowning days way more scared of children than they ever were of me. You see, children are very small. And fast. And when you present a pack of them with a single defenseless clown holding an excessively large bag of free candy, children can make the Hunger Games look like an episode of Mister Rogers. 

 

Little Known Fact: clowns bleed squirty flowers.


And if you think a headless clown is unsettling, imagine a huge pile of nothing but clown heads.

Or better yet, just look at this:

(Ok, so maybe "better" wasn't the right word...)

Now imagine it slowly rotating, while a music box tinkles in the next room, and the door behind you creeeaks open to reveal a pale little girl with black, staring eyes, who suddenly shrieks...

"Happy Clown Week!"

 

Now, who wants cake?


Thanks to Anony M., Liz M., Dena R., Kristina K., & Carrie M., who dare you to look at this clown I found in a local arcade here in Orlando. That's right: THEY DARE YOU. Me, I'll just be whimpering over here in the corner...