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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Creepy Cakes (148)

Wednesday
Aug072013

Just Clowning Around

Hey, remember when clowns were funny, endearing creatures that delighted young children with their crazy antics and playful innocence?

Yeah, me neither.

 

"I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL."

 

Believe it or not, I used to BE a clown. I'm talking face paint, balloon animals - the works. I realize that automatically makes me creepy and terrifying, but as a five-foot-tall, pigtail-wearing geek girl, I'm actually Ok with that.

"FEAR ME!!"

"Oh, and could you grab the Cheerios off the top shelf? I can't reach."

 

You're probably wondering how children reacted to me as a clown, since everyone knows clowns only exist to obtain your internal organs in as bloody a method as possible - which they will then juggle in front of you, cackling, while an out-of-tune calliope churns slowly in the background and you're surrounded by fun house mirrors and porcelain dolls with empty eye sockets who somehow seem to be getting closer... and closer...

Sorry, where was I?

Oh, right. The kids.

To be honest, I spent my clowning days way more scared of children than they ever were of me. You see, children are very small. And fast. And when you present a pack of them with a single defenseless clown holding an excessively large bag of free candy, children can make the Hunger Games look like an episode of Mister Rogers. 

 

Little Known Fact: clowns bleed squirty flowers.


And if you think a headless clown is unsettling, imagine a huge pile of nothing but clown heads.

Or better yet, just look at this:

(Ok, so maybe "better" wasn't the right word...)

Now imagine it slowly rotating, while a music box tinkles in the next room, and the door behind you creeeaks open to reveal a pale little girl with black, staring eyes, who suddenly shrieks...

"Happy Clown Week!"

 

Now, who wants cake?


Thanks to Anony M., Liz M., Dena R., Kristina K., & Carrie M., who dare you to look at this clown I found in a local arcade here in Orlando. That's right: THEY DARE YOU. Me, I'll just be whimpering over here in the corner...

Monday
Jun032013

Channel Surfing

In honor of National Repeat Day, I thought we'd click through the channels and see what kind of reruns are playing on the ol' wrecky replay set!

[turning on magic internet TV]

[adjusting rabbit ears]

[then adjusting TV antennae]

[HEYO!]

Ahem. Ok, here we go!

[sound of static fading out]

"... check it! The caretaker here says there's this dog? That's like a ghost? That haunts the library and kills people? So we should totally go there."

"Whoa!"

*beep* *beep* *beeeeeeeeeeeep* 

"Did you *beeeep*'n see that?!?"

[camera swinging wildly, sound of scuffling feet]

*beeeeep*

"Dude, tell me you got that on tape!!"

"Sorry, bra. It was pointed at the floor."

"Whoa."


*CLICK*!

 

"... telling ya, Bob, this here's the BEST vegetable rodeo since the great Zucchini Zambonis of  '02!"

*CLICK*!

 

"And next we have a particularly colorful specimen:

"The Majestic Disco Newt! Let us pause a moment to admire his beautiful plumage.

"Right. That's long enough. And finally, we have..."

 

*CLICK!*

 

[fast-talking-yet-unenthusiastic guy in headset] "When you're done, just throw it in the dishwasher. It's metal. It's shaped like a heart. Look at these balloons:

"There's three different colors. You could use four colors. Or five. It doesn't matter. Pan-Wow.

"Made in Germany. You know the Germans always make good stuff. Use it for Christmas. Use it for ..."

 

 *CLICK!*

 

"So I says to her, 'hey, baby, don't let the tiny clown car fool you; it's not the way you throw the cream pie, it's the way you put the tutu on the dog!' And she was all, 'What?' and I was all ..."

 

*CLICK!*

 

[Severe announcer voice] "Now picture, if you will, five ravenous-yet-dim-witted Shih Tzu dogs:

[sternly] "Let's call them Muffy, Boopsie, Precious, Buttercup and Mr. Snuggles.

 "Now picture, if you will, a face of terror that watches in malignant silence far beyond your present capacity to understand. A face enigmatically bizarre in terms of time and space. A face ...

 

"... of a tweety bird."

 

*CLICK!*

 

Yep, as I suspected: nothing on. Ah well! Maybe we'll have better luck tomorrow.

 

Thanks to Leslie, Jordarn J., Marie H., Amy F., Matt N., Christine S. for the rerun run-through.