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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Do You See What I See (122)

Tuesday
Sep042012

Bake Me A Date!

Note: Today's post contains a plethora of vaguely naughty innuendoes, plus at least one "outyourendo."  Please parent accordingly.

 

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Dear HoneyPie3551

I saw your profile on the "Bake Me a Date" website and wanted to contact you. You sound pretty sweet, and I'd love to sugar you up by taking you to dinner. Please let me know if you are interested, and I will preserve us a table. (I switched the word "reserve" with "preserve" because I use raspberry preserves in my cookies. And I'm not so good at wordplay. Please write back.)

Sincerely,

BearClaw993

PS- Here's a picture of me with my shirt off. (This is definitely NOT a photo I found on the internet.) Notice how big my muscles are.

 

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Hi BearClaw993,

Thanks for writing. I like what I see. :)

I really knead a big strong man around the house. Let's have dinner, and then maybe you can let me lick your beaters, if you know what I mean.

- HoneyPie3551

PS - I've also attached a photo. And don't worry; Chad means nothing to me now.

 

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Hey HoneyPie3551,

Yes, I think I know what you mean. I sure would like to melt you in a double boiler, if you know what I mean. No wait, I want to moisten your meringue? Ugh, I can do this. I want to gently fold in your egg whites.

-BearClaw993

PS- In case you didn't see them the first time, I've attached another photo of my awesome muscles.

 

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BearClaw993,

Ooo, you really know how to stretch my strudel. I can't wait to press your waffle cone.

And you'd better be good, or I might have to whip your cream.

- HoneyPie3551

 

 

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HoneyPie3551,

Let's meet tonight and I can frost your cupcakes, and by that I mean I'd like to pre-heat your oven, and by that I mean I'm going to grease your muffin pan.

Something something ladyfingers.

-BearClaw993

 

 

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Dear BearClaw993,

knead to apologize for leaving our date so abruptly. Maybe we can try again in the future when you can get your dough to rise.

Batter luck next time,

HoneyPie3551

 

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HoneyPie3551,

 

Sincerely,

BearClaw993

 

 

Thanks to Lucy, Jenny W., Noreen R., Anony M., Whitney B., & Nthom for the hot stuff. And by hot stuff, I mean hot messes.

Monday
Jul162012

The Power of Suggestive

Attention Parents: Today's post contain adult humor - albeit extremely childish adult humor.

 

You know how it goes: you see something, you choke back a laugh, you look around to see if anyone ELSE is laughing, you note that no one is, and then you figure your mind is just in the gutter and you're the only one who sees something a little iffy about the sheep bone on this one-year-old's cake, for example:

[Photo removed at baker's request. (Although *she* thought it was funny; the client did not.) Instead, please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot. And then imagine a sheep holding a giant dog bone at hip level.]

Doooo yoooour "bones" hang low?
Do they dangle to and fro?
Can you toss 'em in a sack?
Do they startle little Bo?

Ahem.

The point, my fellow gutter-minded friends, is pointing skyward at the moment - and a little to the right.

But in a more metaphorical sense, the point is I understand. Call it a hazard of the job, but I, too, often see giggle-inducing unmentionables where others see, say, unusually shaped "flowers:"

{Insert stamen joke here}

 

And I'm forced to wonder just how curious Curious George has become to warrant a giant censor dot:

 

Of course, some people are even further down the gutter pipes than I am, as evidenced by those of you (John) who felt this less-than-ladylike graduation bear deserved a mention - or at least a longer gown:

Sew Unseamly! Someone get this bear a Barely There Censor Bear, STAT.

(Btw, I've heard of a nip slip before, but what do you call this?)
(No, wait - don't answer that. There are innocents present.)

 

Ok, I know that one was a stretch - [rim shot!] - but tell me you're not in the LEAST bit curious why a baker decided to do this:

Maybe it's a pun: you know, a trunk down the Gingerbread man's trunks? But then, why does the elephant look so unhappy?

Again, probably best if you don't answer that.

 

Ever see a cake so cute you just want to squeeze it?

Yeah, I'm feeling the exact opposite of that right now.

 

And then there are the cakes that cross over from vaguely disconcerting into outright cringe-inducing:

WHY IS THE END OF IT DIRTY?!!

And... [whimper]... is that a pearl necklace?

Close the internet. We all need showers.
What? No, not together - ok, COLD showers, for some of you.
And maybe a case of Unicorn chasers.

 

Thanks to Anony M., Beth B., Carrie C., Patrick V., Katie Q., Cindy K., & Lesley W. for ruining the song "Butterfly Kisses" for me. No, wait, that was already ruined. Never mind.