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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Do You See What I See (138)

Monday
Mar132017

Ken Day Come-Ons: The Squelching

[dimming lights]

[queuing up sexy saxophone music]

[adjusting Speedo]

 

Hey, Bebeh.

How YOU doin'?

 

Today is Ken Day, bebeh doll, and that means I'm here to make all your sexy, sexy dreams come true.

 Except maybe that one.  

(Never again, Cancun.  NEVER AGAIN.)

 

That's right, my sprinkle-coated sugar dumpling, I am about to rock your world ... by dealing you a hand of Blackjack:

Or, wait... this is a hot tub? Oh. Ok. EVEN BETTER. Mrowr.

 

Now, slide that sweet little personality of yours over here, and have an enormous glass of ketchup:

 I warmed up this side of the concrete slab just for you. [eyebrow waggle]

 

What's wrong, my tangy berry sweet tart? Is the concrete not to your liking? 

Perhaps you'd prefer some Satin Ice* sheets?

I don't lounge this casually for just anyone, you know. Mostly because I lack articulated elbows.

(*That one's for you, decorators.)


These boxers are really confining, though, my scrumptious fondant-wrapped cheesecake bite.

Here, let me slip into something a little more comfortable:

You can't see it, but I'm totally flexing for you right now. Unnng.
 

Ahh, I can tell by your dismayed expression that you're thinking EXACTLY what I'm thinking, my honey-drenched pudding pop: this DOES cover up too many of my "finer assets." [wink] Well, don't you worry. I can fix that.

[grunting]

[squelching noises]

 

Ok, my candy-coated cake pop! Prepare to meet ... THE LOINCLOTH OF LOVE:

Take me away, officer; I surrender to YOUR SEXINESS. 

 

Oh, and I should warn you: objects in the rear view are much hotter than they appear.

 [jiggle jiggle]

 

Thanks to Sara O., Sanne V., Mary Ann B., Frank M., Laura S., Renee D., & Lauri M. for helping me retroactively ruin a lot of people's childhoods.

*****

A few years ago, after John and I first published this post, we received an e-mail from readers Charity and Royce. That e-mail contained an audio file. An audio file that, once played, would change our lives forever.

Or at least make us laugh like hyenas for a good five minutes.

So today, for your wrecking pleasure, we present that audio, combined with our original visuals. Turn up the volume, and ENJOY.

 

 

Note from john (thoJ): When I was making this video, I pitched down Royce's voice just a bit for sexiness. When I showed Jen, she asked if I could pitch it way UP. The result is, if possible, even more hysterical.

So I present to you... The chipmunk version!

*****

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Thursday
Feb162017

And THAT'S How Baby Zebras Are Made

It's time for another one of our chats, bakers. You know, the ones where I give well-reasoned arguments for why you shouldn't wreck things, and you completely ignore me?

You're like my cats, only armed with piping bags instead of hairballs.

No, Professor Fluffypants, no!

Still, as long as I keep lecturing Tonks and Lily on proper puke placement ("The tile! AIM FOR THE TILE!") I may as well keep tilting at this particular windmill.

 

SO... zebra stripes.

(By Sherry O)

These are zebra stripes, bakers.

 

While these:

...are sperm.

 

I point this out because a lot of you seem to confuse the two:

...and nobody wants sperm on their birthday cake, you guys.

 

NOBODY.

Nope.

 

No, thank you.

 

Nuh-uh.

 

What the...?

 

OH COME ON.
(Who let Professor Fluffypants in here?)

 

Bottom line, bakers: next time someone asks for zebra stripes, DON'T USE BUTTERCREAM.

Use an airbrush instead!

See?
MUUUUCH better.

 

Thanks to Laurie P., Barb, Lauren M., Elizabeth, Amber G., Holly C., D'andra B., Courtney G., & Jana W. for showing us what's black and white and wrecked all over.

*****

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