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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Do You See What I See (95)

Thursday
Mar132014

Ken Day Come-Ons: The Squelching

Last year after John and I first published this post, we received an e-mail from readers Charity and Royce. That e-mail contained an audio file. An audio file that, once played, would change our lives forever.

Or at least make us laugh like hyenas for a good five minutes.

So today, for your wrecking pleasure, we present that audio, combined with our original visuals. Turn up the volume, and ENJOY.

 

 

*****

 

And now the original:

 

[dimming lights]

[queuing up sexy saxophone music]

[adjusting Speedo]

 

Hey, Bebeh.

How YOU doin'?

 

Today is Ken Day, bebeh doll, and that means I'm here to make all your sexy, sexy dreams come true.

 Except maybe that one.  

(Never again, Cancun.  NEVER AGAIN.)

 

That's right, my sprinkle-coated sugar dumpling, I am about to rock your world ... by dealing you a hand of Blackjack:

Or, wait... this is a hot tub? Oh. Ok. EVEN BETTER. Mrowr.

 

Now, slide that sweet little personality of yours over here, and have an enormous glass of ketchup:

 I warmed up this side of the concrete slab just for you. [eyebrow waggle]

 

What's wrong, my tangy berry sweet tart? Is the concrete not to your liking? 

Perhaps you'd prefer some Satin Ice* sheets?

I don't lounge this casually for just anyone, you know. Mostly because I lack articulated elbows.

(*That one's for you, decorators.)


These boxers are really confining, though, my scrumptious fondant-wrapped cheesecake bite.

Here, let me slip into something a little more comfortable:

You can't see it, but I'm totally flexing for you right now. Unnng.
 

Ahh, I can tell by your dismayed expression that you're thinking EXACTLY what I'm thinking, my honey-drenched pudding pop: this DOES cover up too many of my "finer assets." [wink] Well, don't you worry. I can fix that.

[grunting]

[squelching noises]

 

Ok, my candy-coated cake pop! Prepare to meet ... THE LOINCLOTH OF LOVE:

Take me away, officer; I surrender to YOUR SEXINESS. 

 

Oh, and I should warn you: objects in the rear view are much hotter than they appear.

 [jiggle jiggle]

 

Thanks to Sara O., Sanne V., Mary Ann B., Frank M., Laura S., Renee D., & Lauri M. for helping me retroactively ruin a lot of people's childhoods.

*****

Update from john (thoJ): When I was making this video, I pitched down Royce's voice just a bit for sexiness. When I showed Jen, she asked if I could pitch it way UP. The result is, if possible, even more hysterical.

So I present to you... The chipmunk version!

*****

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Monday
Feb102014

10 Wildly Inappropriate Come-On Cakes

NOTE: No, really, these are wildly inappropriate. Not safe for kids! (Work should be fine, though.)

And now...

10 Wildly Inappropriate Pick-Up Lines
for International Flirting Week

 

Looking for love this month? Then why not try baiting your love hook (ew) with cake?

Punny and to the point. Best of all: No horsing around!

 

Admittedly, this will only work for half of you.

 

If you don't have access to cake, you could always write up one of those cute "love coupons."

So many jokes, so many relatives reading this blog.
(Hi, Mom!)

 

Just remember to keep it clean.

Awwww YEAH. Good times, indeed.

 

Maybe you don't want your cake to do all the talking, though. Maybe you just want it to be more of a conversation starter. You know, like this:

"You down with it?" [eyebrow waggle]

 

"Who likes oysters?!"

 

"Welcome... TO THE GUN SHOW."

 

Or if you really want to impress, try a quick serenade:

[singing]

"Oh let me be... YOUR TEDDY BEAR."

Mrowr.

 

And as a last resort, remember: sometimes bribery can work wonders.

"FREE MUSTACHE RI.. [noticing children in the room]... er ... slices!"

"And hey, just so you know: I come with free balloons."

o.0

Clean-up on aisle MY MIND, please. [shudder]

 

Thanks to Allison H., Cortney K., Michelle M., JM, Lauren E., Johnny D., Rosebud, Lara K., Lauren G., & Cat for the pick-me-ups.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.