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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Ewww (148)

Monday
Apr182016

It's Worse Than That, They're Dead, Jen

So Jen wants you to think our national parks are all fun and games and kayaking and snuggling baby otters and stuff. Well, we live in Florida, man! We have the Everglades where literally everything wants to kill and eat you. Or kill you and leave your body for something ELSE to eat you. But definitely with the killing thing.

What, you think I'm exaggerating?

THIS ALLIGATOR WANTS TO EAT YOUR FACE.

That's right, a smashed cake alligator wants to kill you. It's serious down here, guys.

 

And then there's the snakes:

"Help meeeee!"

Which this baker has so helpfully illustrated mid-murder.

 

We've got poison toads:

"I want you to croak."

 

And snakes:

GAAAAAAkeepscrollingkeepscrollingkeepscrolling

 

And giant angry spiders:

Who team up with killer bees...

 

Did I mention the snakes?

BECAUSE WE HAVE A LOT OF SNAKES.

 

Not to mention the armies of squirrel-sized mosquitoes:

They're very friendly. No sense of personal space.

 

Piranhas:

Seriously.

 

And panthers.

NO LION.

Because of course we have panthers. Why wouldn't we have panthers?! I mean, what would a swamp be without FRIGGIN PANTHERS?!?!?!

So.
To sum up, if you come to one of Florida's many beautiful national parks, you're gonna die. Probably. Best not to chance it. Just go to Disney and marvel at the animatronic deer and bunnies, which are super lifelike this time of year.

 

This has been a public service announcement from Cheryl G., Kelly V., Tracey S., Anony M., Sarah G., Andrew W., Ashley M., Kelly R., & Gretchen T.

*****

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Wednesday
Feb102016

7 More Things That Should Never Be On Cake

And now, as a service to our readers' dieting endeavors:

7 MORE Things That Should Never Be On Cake

 

7. Anything that looks like a spleen

Also, why is the spleen the go-to organ for icky descriptions? You never hear someone say, "Hey, that organesque thing sure looks like a gallbladder!" Which begs the questions: is "organesque" a word? 'Cuz if not, it totally should be.

 

6. Shrimp

Because shrimp.

 

5. Nipples

Hey, don't get me wrong; nipples are great. Heck, I even have one myself. But cake should not have nipples. It just shouldn't. And the fact that I had to bring that sentence into the world makes me seriously question the direction this country is going.

 

4. Ants

Because anything I spend time and money trying to kill should not be something I have to pick off my cake.

 

3. Actual Feathers Plucked From Actual Birds

Let me get this straight: you jammed real feathers into the icing you expect me to eat?

So how about I fetch a beaver pelt and throw that sucker on there, too? Because if there's one thing we've learned about cake decorating, it's that animal outsides are both appetizing and completely sanitary!

 

2. Mold

BAKERS WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.

 

1. Back hair

Actually, this is kind of hilarious.

Assuming those are chocolate shavings, of course.

***

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THOSE ARE CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS.

 

Thanks to wreckporters Kathryn B., Kerrigan W., Ashlee, Kelly G., Rocky J., Tami F., & Anony M. for the inspiration to just have a salad today.

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Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.