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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Ewww (163)

Friday
Nov242017

Cake After People

What would happen if every baker on earth...[dramatic voice]...disappeared?

This isn't the story of how they might vanish. It's what happens to the cakes they leave behind. This is just part of the journey that will take us to the future of once active bakeries, as well as haunting sites already devoid of taste. Welcome to earth, population: zero.

 

1 year
after bakers

An abandoned ring and silk flowers bear mute witness to the echoing loneliness...of desolation.

 

10 years
after bakers

In the depths of bakery windows everywhere, dust gathers. Icing crumbles. With no workers here to clean, once-sweet treats become deadly harbingers of disease.

 


Sun-bleached displays now resemble so much worn, waxy marble, making it impossible to distinguish what once was a timeless tasty treat.

Uh. Lot of alliteration in this half of the script, huh?

Sound guy: Alliter what now?
 

Never mind.

 

100 years
after bakers

Geothermal flash floods bring with them river rock and debris. Amazingly, the petrified pastries persevere.

 

Seriously? "Petrified pastries persevere?" Who wrote this?

sound guy: I think it was the new guy; he had to finish up when Jerry took leave. Look, just go with it; we're on a roll.

[sigh] Fine.

 

In dank, darkened displays, filthy, festering folds of fondant mask the moldering malformed mess, made more malignantly misshapen in much...

 

[throwing script down] Oh come on!!

sound guy: What?

I'm ad-libbing from here. Deal with it.

sound guy: Ok, but you're telling Jerry.

Fine. Let's wrap this up.

 

10,000 years
after bakers

Yeeeeee-haw!

Come and get it!!

sound guy: Seriously?

Seriously.

Hey Carly T., Tom H., & Clair W., did you know that all these displays are for bakeries still open for business? Seriously.

 

*****

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Thursday
Nov232017

12 Thanksgiving Cakes To Make You EXTRA Thankful

John and I actually had our Thanksgiving dinner with family on Monday, and we had ham instead of turkey, but it was still totally Thanksgiving dinner because we used cloth napkins and the phrases "What's that supposed to mean?" and "No, YOU'RE wrong!" were used. YAY HOLIDAYS.

If that doesn't already make you feel more thankful, then here are twelve wrecks to remind you just how blessed you are to have a phone with Internet access so you can look at goofy cake pictures while your family argues politics. (Yeah, I know you're out there. Welcome!)

 

"Bad news, sir: the tiny phalluses have us surrounded. 

"Also, you're on fire."

 

It's the original Thanksgiving streaker!

(But what in the name of Stovetop is that "stuffing" made of?)

 

 

This bird is here to PUMP... *clap!* ...YOU UP!

"HURRRG! Watch me flex, ya!"

 

And this:

...is an EX-turkey.

(I can't help it; those stiff little legs crack me up every. single. time. And then I start pining for the fjords...)

 

Aw, don't cry, little fella! I'm sure all turkey cakes have visible bowels.

Or at least the ones around here, anyway.

 

This cake doesn't need commentary; it needs a sound effect.

Something like, "BLTTHHHHPPPPPPPPPP. THPP."

 

 

As a proud geek girl, I usually use the word "shiny" as a compliment.

Not this time. 

Also, that "cake" is butted up against real raw potatoes. You know how I know they're real potatoes? Because they're the only thing on that platter that looks like the thing they're supposed to be.

 

A lot of people have complained about Christmas decorations creeping in alongside all the Thanksgiving ones this year, but I didn't think it was so bad 'til I saw this:

YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, GINGERBREAD MAN.

 

Now for a quick etiquette lesson:

This is why you should always chew with your mouth closed.

And also why you should never confuse your TP with TNT. (Ouch.)

 

Which reminds me: anyone else think this turkey is mooning us?

Or is that too much of a stretch?

(HEYO!)

 

So in conclusion, allow me and the Ghost of Turkeys Past here to wish you a very Happy...

..."Itanksgiving."

 

Or, as most of us know it:

"Gooble Gooble Day." 

 

Thanks to Kimberly H.,  Craig, Katrina O., Sam K., David G., Michael H., Sara G., Ardin A., Susan F., Deborah B., Travis S., & Carolyn H. for the Thanksgiving thankfullness.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.