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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Ewww (151)

Thursday
Jan072016

Yes, Bakers Are Still Making Disgusting Baby Shower Cakes

Warning: Graphic cakes of a medical nature to follow. Hide the kids, and hold on to your appetites!

Additional Helpful Warning from john (the hubby of Jen): There's lady bits ahead.


 

Remember when all we had to worry about on baby shower cakes was the occasional creepy doll or demonic ultrasound photo?

Next were the boob and belly cakes, because apparently moms-to-be harbor sado-cannabalistic tendencies:

Then they added those Alien-inspired belly-burster baby feet - which is SUPER fun to say three times fast. (Go on, try it. You know you want to.)

 

Soon even celebs like Christina Aguilera were getting in on the gross-out-your-guests act:

 

So how do you top edible naked moms giving birth?
Why, make the cake wet plastic shiny and embed a bunch of CLEAR GELATIN, of course.

Mmm, that's the stuff.

 

Or you could go for classic realism:

Sure, everyone will 'ooh' and 'ahhh' - until the carving knife comes out.
("No, no, YOU serve." "No, you!" "Maybe we'll just have ice cream.")

(If you need more nightmares, just look at this baby cake being sliced.)

 

But for maximum hurkin'-in-the-gherkins, there's really no beating the spread leg, peek-a-boo head:

With extra jam filling.

 

 

Hang on, it's missing something. No, not feet. Or a torso. Or common decency.

PUBIC HAIR!

Ah, so much better.

 

 

But really, aren't those legs kind of, I dunno, unnecessary?

I mean, let's get back to basics, people:

All a good dessert needs is stretched vagina lips, and a crowning fetus head. Am I right, or am I right?

 

 

Thanks to Kasey V., Sandy R., Linda G., Darren W., Devon H., Lynds, & Maggie for understanding that there was really no good way to censor those last three, short of blacking out the whole photo. Which would be preferable, but less educational.

*****

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Friday
Jan012016

The 8 Cruelest Cakes To Serve Someone With A Hangover

And now, in keeping with our yearly Cake Wrecks tradition:

The 8 Cruelest Cakes To Serve Someone With A Hangover

(Best accompanied with cymbal crashes, gum-snapping, and LOTS of cheerful whistling.)

 

1) This boil-covered Bundt cake:

Don't prepare them or anything. Just slap a slice of that shiny sucker down on your favorite china plate, and stand back.

 

2) Fake Fish N' Chips with lumpy mashed... peas?

 

3) What I hope is fake fish on real cake:

You must admit, they really nailed that decaying, desiccated look.

Which is a skill set you don't get too often in bakeries...

 

4) The most realistic edible sunburn I've ever seen:

Seriously, I've been saving this one up for you guys. Don't you just want to rub some Aloe Vera on it?

 

5) The Dribble Which Must Not Be Named:

No, no, don't tell us what it is. PLEASE.

 

6) Cupcakes with REAL tortilla chips jammed under all the icing:

The chips are there in case the whole "vomit on a plate" aesthetic doesn't already do you in.

 

7) An Edible Ashtray:

Do you think they add liquid smoke to the cake batter? Because that would be kinda genius, in a really disgusting sort of way.

 

And finally, if all else fails, there's always the new trend over in Japan:

8) Raw. Meat. Cakes:

One more:

And just like that, your hung over friend/enemy is well on his/her way to recovery!

 

Thanks to Marlissa D., Emily I., Anony M., Irene, Anne-Marie, Kelli J., Jennifer C., & Stephanie M. for really raising the steaks the year.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.