"Morning People" Need Not Apply

Shhhhh! NOT SO LOUD with the breathing and the clicking with the mouse and whatnot, ok? Geez.

Now, if you'll kindly take your extra-strength cups of coffee and scroll quietly this way, I've prepared a little photo montage that I think perfectly captures our collective New Year's morning experience:

 

Also, I'm sure some of your evenings last night included a bunch of these:

Although whether those are exploding champagne bottles, firecrackers, or phalluses is anyone's guess.

Still, don't worry; we're going to get through this together if you remember one important safety tip: if and when you start to see something like this floating in your peripheral vision:

...be sure to tell someone.

Not me, though; I'm going to be too busy lying on the couch over here with a pillow on my face.

(Confession: I didn't actually drink anything last night. It's just nine o'clock in the morning, and I'm a blogger. Ug. Wake me when it's noon, ok?)

Oh, and this baker would like to wish someone named Mary a happy new year:

So I guess the rest of us are out of luck.

Thanks to Elizabeth, Caitlin C., Tara C., Kate H., Alison C., & Sarah J., for ringing in the new year the best way possible: metaphorically.

Resolution Delusions

2012 is winding down, my friends, so it's time to start brainstorming all the resolutions we're going to commit to, post proudly on Facebook, and then quietly renege on by Valentines'. To not do so would be positively UNAMERICAN, so let's get started!

Just remember: The ol' "better diet and more exercise" routine is BO-RING. Nobody cares if you ever fit into your college jeans again, mkay? So why not give us something with a little more zip? A little more pizazz? A little more "yahoo and how?"

You know, like: 

 - Better bowel habits.

Or drinking less booze. Really, this cake works for both.

- Become a vegetarian

That's always a hip, happening kind of choice - unlike using the words "hip" and/or "happening." And if you need a little incentive:

Thaaaat oughta do it.

 (The baker sent this to me herself, btw, so don't think I'm being mean by leaving that watermark on. And yes, it's SUPPOSED to be bloody fried chicken. So speaking as someone who really likes fried chicken, I'd like to wish a pox on the house of Jen's Just Desserts - while fully realizing the overwhelming irony of the name.)

For a more intellectual New Year's goal, how about:

- Go to college

Clown college totally counts. Plus it's perfect for anyone who hates children*!

Here's one we can all aspire to: 

- Be more supportive of friends and loved ones:

'Nuff said.

Or, finally, in 2013:

- Don't be afraid to admit when you've made a mistake.

 After all, there's no shame in admitting when you're wrong.

There are, however, certain website audiences which will get a real kick out of it.

Thanks to Anony M., Jen R., Diana, Michelle B., & Sarah G. for the suggestions. Personally, I think I'm going with "play more video games" and "leave the house more." You, uh, don't suppose those two will interfere with each other, do you? o.0

*I say this as a former clown who does, in fact, have a strong dislike of children. (Hey, don't judge 'til you've seen a roving pack of unsupervised children descend upon a single clown bearing a bag of candy, ok? They're animals. ANIMALS, I tell you!)