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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Ewww (159)

Monday
Jun282010

Operation Cake Evasion

Are you tired of always having to get the cake for friends' baby showers? Nooo problem. Just bring in one of these, and they'll never ask again. Guaranteed.

I call this the Bizarre "B" Special: that's Baby Bigfoot on a BBQ, surrounded by beer bottles and a bonsai tree. Feel free to personalize your own creation, though, and have fun with it! How about an Irish infant in an igloo, surrounded by indigo ibexes?

Forget safe, traditional pastels; you want to "go" for as many subtle bowel reminders as possible. Note the use of "chocolate kisses," yellow icing, the big crack, and even the word "bun" in the inscription. Now that's a true master at work.

If the shower is around Halloween, you'll also have this fun option:

Yep. A subtle insinuation that mom-to-be rides a broomstick (or has one shoved where the sun don't shine) oughtta do the trick.

Or, heck, while you're at it: why not take a stab at mom's drinking habits?

The two ingredients for successful parenting.

If at this point you're STILL getting stuck with cake duty, it's time for the gloves to come off. Yep. It's time for...[dramatic pause]...the Crap n' Snap:

Ohh snap!

Now sit back, relax, and revel in the knowledge that no one will ever trust you to order a cake, ever again.

Thanks to Crystal B., Stephanie S., Jenny C., JK, & Angie M., who haven't ordered a cake since 1999.

Wednesday
Jun232010

Crazy Genes

Before you give me a hard time for posting more Dad Wrecks, you should note that:

a) It's really *your* fault for not submitting these earlier, and

b) See point 'a'.

Besides, it's not like there's anything here that really screams "Dad", you know?

Ok, well, except for that plastic thing.

And maybe the golf clip art.

But the actual cake? That's just screaming, "For the love of Sweet Duncan Hines, WHAT AM I?!?"

If only I knew, little Wreck. If only. I. knew.

Here's how you tell Pop you're on to all those Christmas shenanigans of his:

Yeah. Watch your back, "Santa."


And then there's the weird stuff.

"I do the weird stuff!"

For the record, there is no combination of the words "king, fish, dad, dad" that makes even the remotest hint of sense. None. King fish dad dad? King dad fish dad? Dad king fish dad? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!?

[patting down hair] Ahem.

Actually, I find it oddly comforting that the yellow fish/dad/king/thing looks just as confused as I am. It's like he understands my pain. Yeah. So thanks, fish/dad/king/thing.


Say, here's an aspect of father/child bonding you don't see often:

A shared love of cycloptic mutant bunnies.

(Yes, I *did* just make Cyclops into an adjective. Trust me, it's going to fill a void in your vocabulary you never even knew was there. You'll see.)

And finally, the most horrifying Father's Day Wreck I've seen all week, hands down:

You know, something about that icing seems off, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Well, maybe the Wreckerator was all thumbs, and so decided to just slap on a digit-al design. In that case, you gotta admit: s/he nailed it.

Wanda W., Clint R., Laura M., Heather L., & Katie T., high fives all 'round.

TOUR REMINDER: Hey, Salt Lake City, for a good time be at The King's English Bookshop tonight at 7pm (or a bit before). We've got all kinds of goodies in store for you. [saucy wink]

Update from john: Did you know that apparently, little boys are made up of Y chromosomes and Epcots? Neither did I...