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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Ewww (137)

Thursday
Feb122009

Valentine's Variety

Because hearts and roses and bears are SO last week, here are some... interesting... alternatives.

For the cat lover: a neon pink, vaguely feline amorphous blob, sporting what I can only assume is some kind of euphemism:

"I'm 'purrin' for you"? Do I want to know, Gabrielle H.?
(And Victoria, Anna, & Benjamin!)

For the Star Wars fan: a cake showing Admiral Ackbar's softer side:

"Don't believe him, Haley B.; it's a trap!"

And for you non-Star Wars geeks, this is Admiral Ackbar:


For the H.P. Lovecraft fan: a Valentine's Cthulhu:

What's a Cthulhu, you ask? Eh, wellll, it's a kind of gigantic hideous tentacled thing, known to be the epitome of evil and horror. And as you can see from Melissa O.'s photo, it also comes in plush!

Speaking of plush...

I don't know what this is, Aliza E., but I think I want one. Whether I would hug it and squeeze it and call it George or actually ingest it, though, is anyone's guess.

And here's a Valentine's treat for the...uh...emotionally constipated?


That's it, Ted S., let it allll out.


Well, it's no fungus cake, but it'll do: I'm skipping breakfast.

Monday
Feb092009

This'll Cure that Freaky Fetish

Well, not THAT one - what do you take me for, a miracle-worker? Sheesh.

No, I mean the one with the footsies. And don't try to deny it, 'cuz I know you're out there: loitering around the pedicure station, being overly helpful at the Payless, getting WAY too excited about peep-toe pumps coming back into style - yeah, you know who you are. Well, my foot-fondling friends, it's time for a little sole searching.

And for the rest of you: put down that coffee and prepare to skip breakfast (or possibly revisit it, depending on your constitution).

This is a groom's cake, which begs the question: is the groom really that enamored with his own toe hair? And I know there's no good way to show severed appendages, but those ankle stumps are freaking me out juuust a little.

Side note: The words "cake" and "ankle stumps" should never, EVER, be used to describe the same thing.

Hahahahahaha! See, it's like a dead person's feet! With a toe tag! To remind you of your own mortality! Isn't that hysterical? Hahhahahaha!

Right. Two things:
1) What's up with the blue drapey bits?
2) Just for fun, try to imagine the position you'd have to be in to get your feet at that angle.

There is only one word to describe this next one:

AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!

Yep, that sums it up nicely, I think.

Then there's the delectable world of toe fungus, which I think you'll all agree is not only a great ice-breaker at parties ("Hey, wanna see something cool?"), but also really hits the spot come dessert time.

That Dr. Pachman, he's such a fun guy, don't you think? Eh? Fungi? Eh? Booyah!

I'm not sure why he would order a "cake" made from upholstery foam, though: that somehow detracts from the otherwise yummy-looking toenails.

Side note: Dr. Pachman is quite possibly the coolest doctor name ever. Right up there with Dr. Spacemen.

Ok, guys, this is it: time for the most disgusting, fungus-riddled foot cake mine eyes have seen. Proceed with extreme caution and strong intestinal fortitude.

Urp.

What's more horrifying: the green bugs crawling under the toenails...[pausing to swallow repeatedly]...or the fact that this is for a girl? Poor Teresa: I don't think the pretty pink icing nearly makes up for that yellowish... gelatinous...layer....

[sound of running feet]

UPDATE: Whew! Sorry, folks: my constitution just gave out, if you catch my drift. On the plus side, I just may lose those 5 pounds this week!

Hey, Sara S., Julie R., Christina B., and Jessica M., it's time to cut loose. Foot loose.