Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Ewww (148)

Friday
Sep042009

I Think I'll Have the Salad Today...

Since the book tour is only three weeks away, John has started a new diet. I was going to join him, but then I had the following revelations:

1) At its core, humor is about being honest.
2) You guys probably expect me to be both funny and honest in person.
3) Losing weight would make me someone I'm not (ie a person who loses weight), and therefore is intrinsically DIShonest.
4) Oooh, cupcakes!

Anyhoo, so while I'm not on a diet myself, I still want to support John any way I can. Some people might try cooking him a healthy meal, or inviting him for walks. Me? I find gross cakes to help kill his appetite.

Ta Da!

I bet you're feeling thinner already, aren't you? And if not, you may find this next one "erupting" with diet inspiration:

Mmm. That's the stuff.

John's diet requires him to cut down on carbs, so I know he's going to love Barbie's meat blanket here:


Now, I realize this may have ruined pepperoni and moldy raw roast beef for most of you, but trust me: You'll thank me later.

And speaking of low-carb diets, I hear you also see a lot of these when you're on them:


Or is that only if you cheat and eat a bunch of raisins? Hm...

What's that? You want one last word of diet inspiration? Okey doke. Here goes:

[swinging pocket watch] "You are feeling sleepy. Veerrry sleepy. Now, you will never crave skinned leopard - or cake - ever agaiiin."

Madison C. & Chris V., Emily H., Meredith, Stephanie M., and Anony M., maybe there IS something to this Cake Wrecks diet plan. I totally passed up a cupcake for a candy bar just now.

- Related Wreckage: Better Dieting Through Cake

Monday
Aug032009

Oh, Bugger

When it comes to cakes, I'm usually a pretty tolerant person. (Mostly. Ok, sort of. Look, just humor me, Ok?)

However, there's a new "Deco Kit" running rampant through our nations bakeries that, quite frankly, must be stopped. In fact, it's not so much a kit as it is a creepy garnish. Let's see if you can spot it in this photo:

"Oh, look at the pretty caAAAEEEIIIII!!!!"

Yes, those are in fact giant, disturbingly life-like, (yet mercifully plastic) ants - or as bakers are calling them, "the new sprinkles."

Which might explain why they're popping up everywhere.

See, two ants are good...

Three are better...

But four equals "display only". Good to see there are limits.

For some reason watermelon cakes suffer the most from these pesky "antics":

Because, really, how else could you make this cake less appetizing?


It's always good to have insects on the brain while eating a cake covered in black specks.

And yes, please, let's put Old Glory on there to remind everyone that only we Americans could produce the double-whammy Wreckage of both a CCC (cupcake cake) AND the GAG (Giant Ant Garnishes). Wouldn't want some other country claiming this one, now, would we?

Christine T., Penny R., Sidney B., Dave K., Kathryn S., Erica H., & Kate B., you know why anteaters never get sick, right? No? Well, it's 'cuz they're so full of antibodies.

[bah dum bump!]

- Related Wreckage: Totally Cheating