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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Ewww (160)

Tuesday
May112010

The Bakers Wrecked 'Em

Note to the squeamish: some of today's cakes are medically gross. I've seen much worse, but still...put the coffee down.

As the child of a former RN, I couldn't let National Nurses Week go by without showing the nurses of the world some love.

And by "love," I mean this:

Uh...
I don't really know what's going on here ("I'm an escalator, not a doctor!"), but it looks serious.

Nurses have to have pretty strong stomachs to do what they do, not to mention a healthy dose of humor. This combination, however, makes for some...shall we say..."interesting" cakes.

Oooh, gutsy.
(At first I typed "gusty." Bwahahahah!)

Now, while Canadian nurses apparently celebrate their degrees with stuff like this:

A giant...water bottle? And a decapitated bear. And bar codes. And...uh...what the heck, Canada?

American nurses prefer their cakes a bit more bottom heavy.

As a Trekker, I really must object to this. Once I finish sniggering.

And yes, it gets worse.

This was was found over on Emily's blog:

It's a thermometer, not a straw.

Oh, and sorry for putting "straw" in your head if it wasn't there already.

Yeah, hindsight being 20/20, that was a bum crack to make. A real wipe-out. A party-pooping crapshoot*. Sorry.


*or crap chute, if you want to get technical.

Seriously, though, nurses, what's with the butts?

FUNNY-BUT-TRUE-STORY: My hubby John is a 250-pound tough guy who faints at needles. Once in college he had to get a shot in the cheek. The southern cheek. Well, the moment he bent over the table was the moment he first discovered that - you guessed it - he faints from needles.

He regained consciousness on the floor, in the lap of the lovely lady nurse who had caught him, with his pants down.


He now tells this story to every nurse we meet.


Next time, maybe we should bring cupcakes to help smooth things over:

"You take the pink pill, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the bloody band aid, and dude, you are nuts."

Audrey A., Shannon S., Matthias, Emily A., Jenny C., Sila Y., & Corey F., that's one way to call dibs on the vanilla cupcakes.

Monday
Apr262010

When Cake Becomes a Crime

Most wrecks are funny. Some are tragic. A few even make us cringe.

But then there's another kind of wreck: A wreck so heinous, so warped, so jaw-droppingly wrong, that it is a crime against humanity itself. These wrecks' very existence should be a punishable offense.

You know, stuff like this:

My apologies to those of you with weaker constitutions; I know how hard this is to look at.

What's that? You don't think butchering the Enterprise in this manner is a crime worthy of judicial condemnation? Really?

Man, it's like I don't even know you anymore.

Well, fine, then. I'm sure you'll at least agree that this next one deserves the old heave-ho:


There she blows! (Chunks, that is.)

"That glistening pile is quite retch-ed, wouldn't you say, Ralph?"

"Ug, thanks for bringing that up, Chuck."

I'm also starting to think that black icing should be a controlled substance:

You know, have it locked up in the back somewhere, with a designated icing distributor on-site.

[twirling police baton] "So you want some icing, eh? And what will you be using it for?
A black smeary pit to stick plastic butterflies in?
Yeah, forget it, bub. Move along."

Admit it: That would be awesome.

Another common cake crime is the use of edible photo paper. Sure, a few cake artists can wield this WMD without causing wide-spread horror and gnashing of teeth, but most bakers use it to further the cause of chaos and evil.

And by "chaos and evil," I of course mean former Baywatch babes:

Busted!

I'm not sure which is scarier: the icing "hair," the obvious disregard for neck transitions, or the fact that these are actually the correct proportions for Pamela Anderson's body. [shudder]



Becky D., Rebecca I., Frances & Chris O., and Amanda I., if Brownie Husband ever becomes a reality, then I guess this won't seem so bad, huh?

- Related Wreckage: Guess Who!