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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Ewww (132)

Tuesday
Nov252008

Wrecktopia of Cornucopias

After the turkey, it's the quintessential symbol of Thanksgiving: the ol' Horn of Plenty. It's basically a cone-shaped basket filled with fruit and veggies. Everyone got the mental image? Good. Ok, let's ease 'er on into the Wreckiness, then, shall we?

Not bad, not bad - although my teeth are hurting just looking at that ginormous mound of icing, Kat K. Still, there was skill involved in the execution, and here on Wrecks - as in life - we do our best to focus purely on surface beauty. So, moving on.

Hm, we seem to be veering into "ice cream cone filled with flowers" territory, Jana. Still, not horrendous. Next?

Hey, Jessica H., are we sure this is for Thanksgiving? 'Cuz that looks like a burlap Christmas stocking.

Ack! Shiny poo pile! Keep moving, K.R.! Keep moving!

Ah, this is better. A nice, comfy shag rug. Although, what's that on the side?

Oh heck no, Jill S., they did NOT just ice all over the sides of those paper wrappers, did they? Well, there went the whole "Cupcake-cakes aren't as messy" argument. Plus, with those candy corns and green squigglies and all, it looks like someone upchucked over the edge. Yelch.

Of course, you could go to the other extreme:

Jaime L., these cupcakes aren't all iced together into one solid mass, which means two things:
1) By my definition, it's not *technically* a cupcake cake - maybe more like a "cupcake mosaic". A really lazy mosaic, sure, but still not as evil as a CCC.
2) By anyone's definition, it's not *technically* decorated. A scattering of plastic flotsam does not a decorated cake make.

And speaking of cupcake cakes: some of you took me to task yesterday for failing to point out the CCCs in the Fall Fumbles line up. And yet, when I DO hold up those wrecktastic creations for the derision they are so rightly due, others of you complain that I'm harping on CCCs too much. It's like my own personal Kobayashi Maru, honestly. Anyway, rest assured, dear readers, that my left eye continues to twitch uncontrollably with every CCC posting whether I point out its inherent structural deformity or not.

Thursday
Nov202008

The Displays That Time Forgot

Some people would have you believe that bakeries should update their window display cakes at least once a year or so. To this I say "pish tosh"! Why, check out these stellar examples, still sellin' the goods 10, even 15 years after they were made!

Wow, I don't know about you guys, but I am just itching for some cake right now. Or maybe just itching. Is that blood? Sweet!

(And before you ask, yes, I DO feel rather silly for censoring plastic boobs. Happy?)

Ah, nothing captures the essence of celebration quite like crumbling moldy icing and decapitated clown heads, am I right or am I right? Those customers will be pouring in any second now, I'm sure.

Or how about this one, sure to entice all the would-be brides out there:

Just ignore that fly on the top tier; he's been stuck there for a few weeks now, so we're pretty sure he's dead. Oh, and the flowers?

We call that color "perfect patina". It was inspired by the rusting water pipes in our basement. The dust really completes the look, don't you think?

Here's another one for the happy couple on their Big Day:

Ok, so the bride and groom's eyes have melted down their faces, and his hand has made a break for it down his leg. (Heh - "made a break for it") Even so, I have no doubt that the overall design of the bride huffily facing away from the groom and with her bags packed down below is a top seller.

UPDATE: Some of you have asked if all of these came from the same bakery. Nope! This lovely assortment represents *three* separate bakeries, and I believe all of them were open for business at the time. Ain't it great?

Thanks to Wreckporters Extraordinaire Monique R. and Melissa J.!