My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Ewww (161)


The Grill Blaster

Like mosquito bites and an overabundance of guys wearing loafers without socks, "grillin'" cakes are an inseparable part of summer.

But should they be?

I mean, we can't get rid of all the mosquitoes, and we can't seem to convince guys that sweaty loafer feet are icky, but we CAN do something about this, minions:

That's right: we can just say "NO" to 5 pounds of black icing.


"NO" to airbrushed rice cakes on our real cakes:


And "NO" to hairy Tribble pelts and decaying poo wangs!


We can do better, America.

We can have hot dog cakes.


Or watermelon cakes!


Or even a classic half-burger cake!

Which could double as a taco!

So bakers, I hope this has shown you that we want MORE than just black-and-brown piles of crappy icing.

We want MULTICOLORED piles of crappy icing.

Thank you.


And thanks also to Woneita, Angie H., Peter N., Patricia, Jess A., & Libby T. for RUINING Taco Tuesday. Now I have to eat cake instead. DANGIT.


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It's Worse Than That, They're Dead, Jen

So Jen wants you to think our national parks are all fun and games and kayaking and snuggling baby otters and stuff. Well, we live in Florida, man! We have the Everglades where literally everything wants to kill and eat you. Or kill you and leave your body for something ELSE to eat you. But definitely with the killing thing.

What, you think I'm exaggerating?


That's right, a smashed cake alligator wants to kill you. It's serious down here, guys.


And then there's the snakes:

"Help meeeee!"

Which this baker has so helpfully illustrated mid-murder.


We've got poison toads:

"I want you to croak."


And snakes:



And giant angry spiders:

Who team up with killer bees...


Did I mention the snakes?



Not to mention the armies of squirrel-sized mosquitoes:

They're very friendly. No sense of personal space.





And panthers.


Because of course we have panthers. Why wouldn't we have panthers?! I mean, what would a swamp be without FRIGGIN PANTHERS?!?!?!

To sum up, if you come to one of Florida's many beautiful national parks, you're gonna die. Probably. Best not to chance it. Just go to Disney and marvel at the animatronic deer and bunnies, which are super lifelike this time of year.


This has been a public service announcement from Cheryl G., Kelly V., Tracey S., Anony M., Sarah G., Andrew W., Ashley M., Kelly R., & Gretchen T.


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