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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Handwriting Horrors (17)

Monday
Oct012012

October is Caffeine Addiction Recovery Month

Hi, my name is john, and I'm a caffeine-oholic. It's been 4 months since my last 2-liter of Diet Mountain Dew, and today I feel so much bett...zzzZZZZzzz.

Huh? What? Where am I? Oh.

Well, um, aside from sleeping most of the time, I feel like a million bucks. Plus the jitters and facial tics are almost gone!

So today, I'd like to encourage some of you bakers out there to also give up the sauce, since it's obviously affecting your work:

 

Some of you might remember the great Jolt Epidemic of 1996.

Those were dark times.

 

Now, I know what you're thinking: "How am I [twitch] going to [twitch] finish all these %&;$#! cakes if I don't have my morning cocktail of Red Bull and Turkish coffee with a NoDoz chaser?! [twitchtwitchtwitch]"

 

 Well, I'm not gonna lie: it'll be hard at first. You may find yourself nodding off every now and then. Or every five seconds.

 

But with time you'll find you can stand still again without registering a 4.8 on the Richter scale:

 

And you'll soon feel clear-headed enough to yell intelligible curses at the customers who ask for a Hunger Games cake with fewer spills on it:

 

And then - THEN - you can finally get back to misspelling things legibly again.

 

Oh, joy.

 

Thanks to Anony M., Gabrielle S., Joe V., Kerri E., Katherine L., Amy S., Jr M., and Joy S. for the buzz kills.

Friday
Sep072012

You Might Be A Wreckerator If...

Bakers, do you worry that you, too, might be a wreckerator?

Well, have no fear, pastry pros! There are plenty of warning signs to look for:

 

You Might Be A Wreckerator If....

- ...you consider "happy" a four-letter word.

 

- ...your cakes have more plastic on them than frosting.

 

- ...when you say, "I could just eat you up!" to a baby, you really mean it.

"It's...looking at me."
"Ugly little spud, isn't it?"
"I think it can hear you, Ray."

 

- ...cupcake cakes are your "specialty."

 

- ...your family crest says, "Spell check is for loosers."

 

- ...you like to watch CSI for the design inspiration.

 

 - ...you not only know what this is, you think it's well done:

 

- ...you're frequently asked what time the earthquake hit.

 

- ...you pride yourself on following customer requests to the letter:

 

And finally, you might be a wreckerator if...

...you have to ban photography in your bakery to stop your cakes from showing up on Cake Wrecks.

(I get the e-mails, folks; I know you're out there!)

 

Thanks to Kimber, Amy S., Lori M., Carrie M., Whitney, Mary Rose, Liz, Joshua S., Stephanie B., Lisa R., & JR, who think it'd make more sense to just hire better bakers, but that's why they're not "good" management material.

So what'd I miss, guys? Share your favorite "you might be a wreckerator if..." in the comments, and maybe I'll pick some to feature in a future post. You know, if they're funny. Or say nice things about me. I'm also not above bribery. And I like Whoopie Pies. (Mmmmm, whoooopie piiiiies...)