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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Handwriting Horrors (16)

Friday
Sep072012

You Might Be A Wreckerator If...

Bakers, do you worry that you, too, might be a wreckerator?

Well, have no fear, pastry pros! There are plenty of warning signs to look for:

 

You Might Be A Wreckerator If....

- ...you consider "happy" a four-letter word.

 

- ...your cakes have more plastic on them than frosting.

 

- ...when you say, "I could just eat you up!" to a baby, you really mean it.

"It's...looking at me."
"Ugly little spud, isn't it?"
"I think it can hear you, Ray."

 

- ...cupcake cakes are your "specialty."

 

- ...your family crest says, "Spell check is for loosers."

 

- ...you like to watch CSI for the design inspiration.

 

 - ...you not only know what this is, you think it's well done:

 

- ...you're frequently asked what time the earthquake hit.

 

- ...you pride yourself on following customer requests to the letter:

 

And finally, you might be a wreckerator if...

...you have to ban photography in your bakery to stop your cakes from showing up on Cake Wrecks.

(I get the e-mails, folks; I know you're out there!)

 

Thanks to Kimber, Amy S., Lori M., Carrie M., Whitney, Mary Rose, Liz, Joshua S., Stephanie B., Lisa R., & JR, who think it'd make more sense to just hire better bakers, but that's why they're not "good" management material.

So what'd I miss, guys? Share your favorite "you might be a wreckerator if..." in the comments, and maybe I'll pick some to feature in a future post. You know, if they're funny. Or say nice things about me. I'm also not above bribery. And I like Whoopie Pies. (Mmmmm, whoooopie piiiiies...)

Wednesday
Jun272012

Do We Have To Pay Royalties For This?

On June 27th, 1859, sisters Patty & Mildred Hill wrote the most famous song everyone-hates-to-sing: the Happy Birthday song.

Then, at some point I'm too lazy to look up, someone else decided we should honor that song's birthday with a national holiday/birthday celebration. Which is way too meta for this hour of the morning. But whatever. You know the drill: sing the stupid song and you'll getcher cake. Capiche?

 

Haaappy biiiirthdaaaay,
Tooo you!

"I HATE this song."

"Shaddup, kid."

 

(Now like you're drunk!)

Haaappy biiiirfday,

Tooo joo... ooh, I think I'm gonna be sick....

 

(Now like you forgot the person's name!)

Happy BIIIRTHDAY dearrrr...

...Oa...v... gAAAABBY!!

 

(Now like you're at a Japanese steakhouse!)

BONGBONGBONGBONGBONGBONG!

(That handwriting is the visual equivalent of having a metal pot placed over your head and falling down a flight of stairs, so...appropriate.)

 

(Now like you forgot how many verses there are!)

Happy BIRTHDA...

Wait, I think we're supposed to be done...

Do we get cake now? Oh, good. Never mind.

 

Thanks to Dawn S., Solange A., Parsl, Kristina, & Sandy ...And NO SINGING!