Cake Wreckin' Under-Achievers, Unite!

You know how it is for some of these grocery-store bakery decorators: some days they're just not reaching their full cake-wrecking potential. On those days they give their airbrush, questionable design choices, and horrific color palettes a rest, and instead produce a simpler, quieter kind of wreck. A wreck that says, with world-weary disdain, "Hey, I make $7 an hour. Deal with it."

I guess the cracked icing counts as decoration.

While I'm sure Tim appreciated the baby-pink roses for his big 4-0, I get the feeling that someone really enjoyed skewering the cake with those candles, dartboard style.

This cake is Cake Wrecks approved! Way to knock yourselves out, there, decorators!
(They get bonus points for the random capitalization.)

Thanks to Lindsey W., Jessica B., and Phoebe H. for the submissions.

Drew's Birthday Wish

“Aaaaand here comes the birthday boy’s cake! Now, Drew, remember when your father and I asked you what you wanted for your birthday, and you said you wanted a second Xbox 360 for your game room, and we said no? You do? Well, do you remember what you asked to get for your birthday after that? (Look at me when I’m talking to you, young man.) Do you remember? No? C’mon, why don’t you tell your aunts and uncles and grandparents what you told us you wanted for your birthday, hmmm?”

[incoherent mumbling]

“What was that, sweetie? Did you say you asked for your father and I to die horrible deaths? Because that’s what I remember you asking for – isn’t that right, Charles? Isn’t that what Drew wanted for his birthday? Well, Drew, I’m so sorry we couldn’t oblige you this year – but maybe we WILL die horrible deaths one year soon, and then won’t you feel terrible for making that kind of request for your birthday? Well? Won’t you?"

[slamming cake down]

"So, hahah, here’s your birthday cake! Isn’t it lovely? I just hope that when your father and I really are rotting in our graves you’ll remember today, and you’ll think about how hurtful words can be."

[smiling brightly] "Now, who wants ice cream?"