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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Just Funny (365)

Monday
Jan312011

Oh My Stars!

As I'm sure you've all heard, there was a bit of a dust-up recently over whether or not our astrology signs have changed. Betrayal, bewilderment, boredom...there was a veritable gamut of emotions running wild.

Fortunately, CNN has since assured the world that my not being a Taurus is total bull. Whew! However, just for fun, let's take a look at these "new" signs and how they might have changed our lives forever.

Or...not.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Capricorns are known to be obedient and dedicated. If you ask a Capricorn to do something, you can be sure it is going to get done...

...literally.

Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Aquarius is represented by water, which fits this sign's creative, "free flow" personality.

"That'll be $28.95, please."

Pisces: March 11- April 18
Pisces is an emotional yet generous sign. These selfless individuals will give until it hurts.

Or until they run out of room.

Aries: April 18 - May 13
Much like their symbol the ram, Aries are fearless creatures. They forge boldly ahead, letting no man, beast...

...or periwinkle border stand in their way.

Taurus: May 13- June 21
Taurus is a sign that never backs down. This stubborn bull will stand her ground through all of life's challenges.

"Look, the writing on the order form says 'Blinday.' END OF STORY."

Gemini: June 21 - July 20
Gemini is often of two minds, waiting to make a choice until the very last minute.

When it's over she'll know if she can write "happy" or not.

Cancer: July 20 - Aug. 10
Cancers are rooted in the past, home and hearth. You can trust a Cancer to feed you, mother you, clean you, feed you, love you...

...and feed you.

And then maybe eat you.


Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Leos are very ambitious - shooting for the stars, taking on large projects, and sometimes getting in over their heads.

Or King Tut's, as the case may be.

Virgo: Sept. 16 - Oct. 30
You can always count on the reliable Virgo to deliver steady, consistent results.

This is more of a virtue if they know how to spell.

Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Libra has a clear sense of right and wrong, and is always a fair and impartial judge. However, Libra also craves communication and loves an opportunity to prove her intelligence.

Yes, thank you, Libra.

Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Sharp-shooter Scorpio has no problem telling it like it is. Scorpio is honest, direct, and lays everything out in black and white.

Scorpio is usually free most Saturday nights.

Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20
Nothing can slow down a carefree Sagittarius. Her spontaneity and drive keep things fun and interesting:

...and also covered in SPRINKLES!!! Wheeee!

Wreckiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Wreckiuchus likes to hide in plain sight, often going years before revealing himself to those closest to him.
Some skeptics say Wreckiuchus doesn't actually exist, but if you cross your eyes and stare really hard, we think you'll get the message.

The message being that you look pretty silly with your eyes crossed, of course.

Thanks to Kailee M., Sarah C., Maggie B., Jinglei, Aaron, Jordan F., Niloufer R., Anony M., Heather & Mikki, Katie O., Elizabeth, Stina, & Valerie M., who should all look before they leap, take advantage of sudden windfalls, and explore new opportunities today. And then maybe buy their favorite bloggers a snack. (We like Bugles.)

Thursday
Jan272011

Mailbag!

Jen, John and I get billions of emails every day. Some tell us how funny we are. The rest are "enlargement" offers, unique international business opportunities, and requests for the photo of the uncensored German dong cake (yes, they're still asking).

In honour of "Clean Out Your Inbox Week," we've decided to respond to a few of those emails here.

******************
Dear Jen and John,

I've had a hard week! With my in-laws coming to visit and my water breaking, I've had no time to myself! I finally found solitude when I locked myself in the bathroom for six hours on Saturday and read through the Cake Wrecks archives on my laptop. (Had to stop when Aunt Tilda had to go "Number Twosies.") Just wanted to say thanks for the laughs and also ask how do you keep from getting stressed out?

Crying tears of joy,
-Matthew

*********

Dear Matthew,

I assume you meant to write that your water "heater" broke. However, we recently found ourselves in a similar situation when family came to visit over the holidays (only we chose to lock ourselves in the closet, not the bathroom). We restored our sanity by relaxing, meditating, and focusing on the love we have for each other.

And we also got drunk and ate lots of chocolate.


Don't forget to flush,
john (the hubby of Jen)

********************
Dear Cake Wrecks,

While I generally consider myself a "humorous" person, I must admit I was deeply offended by a recent joke you made on your site. There is nothing at all funny in this punchline:

 

"What kind of joker put this cake together?"


As the dealer for the Vegan Underwater Polish Canasta Team, I think you should consider your readers who hold the Joker in high regard. It is not a joke, Cake Wrecks. It is one of the most important cards in the deck.

 

Unfollowing. It's been fun.

-Betty
****************
Hi Betty,

We apologize for offending you and the other members of the Vegan Underwater Polish Canasta Team. We realize the Joker can be very important and will be sure to reference it in a higher regard next time we feature a wrecked playing card cake.

We plan to post the following cake next week and we sincerely hope your team won't be offended.

 


All the best-
Number One

 

*******************
Dear friend,

Please vote for my cat Smuckers in the Kennel Treats "Cutest Pet Sweepstakes!" The more votes my cat gets, the more chance we have to win! So vote often, and forward this email to all your friends!!


Vote now!!!
-Jeanna and Smuckers
********************

Dear Jeanna,

Though we appreciate your interest and highly personalized e-mail, I'm afraid we get too many requests for online votes to grant ours to little Smuckers.

Plus we thought this guy was cuter:


Best of luck anyway!
-CW Team
****************
Our deepest thanks to readers Fifi B., Theresa K., Jennifer D., Emily P., and Roberta for sending us emails with photos of cakes in them... and not just asking us to claim our winnings in the Euro Millions email promotion.