Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Just Funny (496)

Tuesday
Aug272013

AB-Solute Sexiness!

Every now and then I start thinking maybe I should diet. This is because, according to every piece of media everywhere, I am not a man until I have abs. And while I've never seen my abs, I assume they're around here somewhere - possibly hiding under 37 years of extra cheese.

Luckily, I work at Cake Wrecks and so have a handy guide as to what my abs will look like during the dieting process.

First, after losing my initial cheese-ton of weight, I'll probably just have a lot of extra loose skin:

My sexiness will have begun.

 

Then, after hundreds and hundreds of hours in the gym, I will develop the coveted "3 pack:"

"Look into my pectoral eyes, and weep at my chiseled beauty. WEEP, I SAY."

 

Which will soon begin to divide...

...and look mildly shocked at being discovered.

 

Later, after countless thousands more hours in the gym and a steady diet of kale and corn husks, my abs will really start to spread out:

Like Twinkies under a blanket.

Mmmm Twinkies...

 

And finally, after years of neverending, staggering misery, I will be able to bask in the glory of my oh-so-sexy new abs:

Like Brad Pitt, only better.
And a little more lopsided.

[head tilt]

Huh.

You know, on second thought, I think my abs are happy where they are.

Right, guys?

Right.

Now, who wants Twinkies?

 

Thanks to Ashlee, Brandi H., Solveig, Anony M., Stephanie S., & Stephanie A. for presenting their bodies of evidence... and for sharing the snack cakes. [hint hint]

Monday
Aug262013

You Might Belong At Dragon Con If ...

This coming weekend John and I are heading to Dragon Con, one of the world's largest sci-fi, comicbook, fantasy, and pop-culture conventions. For four blistering days more than 50,000 geeks will flood downtown Atlanta, and oh yes, IT WILL BE GLORIOUS.

Maybe you've heard about Dragon Con before and wondered if it was right for you. If so, then allow me to help:

10 Signs You Belong At Dragon Con:

 

- You've ever celebrated an Xbox achievement with cake:

Xbox Cake Wreck: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

 

- You prefer your inscriptions in binary:

Alternatively, this reminds you of Flight of the Conchords' "binary solo."

 

- Mistakes like this fill you with nerd rage:

"Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?"

(And bonus points if you get the reference.)

 

-  Speaking of mistakes: you also know that Spider-Man is spelled with a dash, Lucasfilm only has the "L" capitalized, and "Wookiee" has two Es - unless you count the original novelization, which is technically canon, but if you're up for arguing this with me then you're pretty much making my point.

"LET THE 'WOOKIEE' WIN."

 

- You think zombie wedding cakes are awesome:

"More like The Walking WED, am I right? Eh? EH?!"

 

- You occasionally forget your friends' birthday, but never H.P. Lovecraft's:

Now that's darkly dreamy.

 

- You once drove somewhere with a giant Dalek cake strapped into your passenger's seat:

(Why yes, now that you mention it, these ARE getting oddly specific...)

 

-  The recent news of Ben Affleck being cast as Batman caused you real emotional turmoil:

It's like a match made in Gotham's Malibu Dream House.

 

- Or maybe you don't care so much who plays Batman because WHEN THE HECK DO WE GET A FEMALE SUPERHERO MOVIE?!

Ahem.

 

And finally, you belong at Dracon Con if:

- You have a favorite Doctor, are now afraid of angel statues, and/or have at least three close friends who NEED this cake for their next birthday:

 via

(That's obviously not professional, but I figured you'd forgive me, just this once.)

My favorite Doctor is Peter Davison, btw, and he's going to be there this weekend, so I just may fangirl all over his shoes. Would it be terribly stalkerish if I brought him a bouquet of decorative vegetables? (I also dearly love Sylvestor McCoy, who is ALSO there, and a mutual friend offered to introduce us, and SQUEEEEEEE excuse me I may need to lie down for a moment...)

See you this weekend, fellow geeks! (And follow my tweets if you'd like to say hi!)


Thanks to Jessee, Amy L., Jennifer M., Anony M., Liliya, Sam H., Suzanne S., & Brian L. for helping me geek out with my geek on.