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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Just Funny (370)

Thursday
Jan272011

Mailbag!

Jen, John and I get billions of emails every day. Some tell us how funny we are. The rest are "enlargement" offers, unique international business opportunities, and requests for the photo of the uncensored German dong cake (yes, they're still asking).

In honour of "Clean Out Your Inbox Week," we've decided to respond to a few of those emails here.

******************
Dear Jen and John,

I've had a hard week! With my in-laws coming to visit and my water breaking, I've had no time to myself! I finally found solitude when I locked myself in the bathroom for six hours on Saturday and read through the Cake Wrecks archives on my laptop. (Had to stop when Aunt Tilda had to go "Number Twosies.") Just wanted to say thanks for the laughs and also ask how do you keep from getting stressed out?

Crying tears of joy,
-Matthew

*********

Dear Matthew,

I assume you meant to write that your water "heater" broke. However, we recently found ourselves in a similar situation when family came to visit over the holidays (only we chose to lock ourselves in the closet, not the bathroom). We restored our sanity by relaxing, meditating, and focusing on the love we have for each other.

And we also got drunk and ate lots of chocolate.


Don't forget to flush,
john (the hubby of Jen)

********************
Dear Cake Wrecks,

While I generally consider myself a "humorous" person, I must admit I was deeply offended by a recent joke you made on your site. There is nothing at all funny in this punchline:

 

"What kind of joker put this cake together?"


As the dealer for the Vegan Underwater Polish Canasta Team, I think you should consider your readers who hold the Joker in high regard. It is not a joke, Cake Wrecks. It is one of the most important cards in the deck.

 

Unfollowing. It's been fun.

-Betty
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Hi Betty,

We apologize for offending you and the other members of the Vegan Underwater Polish Canasta Team. We realize the Joker can be very important and will be sure to reference it in a higher regard next time we feature a wrecked playing card cake.

We plan to post the following cake next week and we sincerely hope your team won't be offended.

 


All the best-
Number One

 

*******************
Dear friend,

Please vote for my cat Smuckers in the Kennel Treats "Cutest Pet Sweepstakes!" The more votes my cat gets, the more chance we have to win! So vote often, and forward this email to all your friends!!


Vote now!!!
-Jeanna and Smuckers
********************

Dear Jeanna,

Though we appreciate your interest and highly personalized e-mail, I'm afraid we get too many requests for online votes to grant ours to little Smuckers.

Plus we thought this guy was cuter:


Best of luck anyway!
-CW Team
****************
Our deepest thanks to readers Fifi B., Theresa K., Jennifer D., Emily P., and Roberta for sending us emails with photos of cakes in them... and not just asking us to claim our winnings in the Euro Millions email promotion.

Tuesday
Jan252011

Well Met, Helmet

Apparently, there was a football game over the weekend. Or something. And while I care slightly less about football than I do about squirrel husbandry, I figured now would be a good time to talk to you about protection.

Er, of your heads, I mean. Not my squirrels' nuts. (Those are in the shed. Next to the zippers.)

So...helmets! For your heads! Except the cake ones, of course, which are for your mouth!

It's actually really hard to make a cake that looks like a helmet. There are all the doodads and thingamajigs and whoosywhatsits, and if you're not careful it just looks like a heap a' flimflam jibber jabber!

(Wow. I just turned into my grandfather)

First, let's have Mr. Floopers model a real football helmet for us:

"I hate you."

See? It's simple. Just wrap your cat in a towel, and you can get almost anything on his head.

Oh, and the helmet is pretty easy, too.

In fact, when you break it down artistically, you can see that it's really just a big tombstone with a snail on it:

RIP, Ravens.

Or a one-tentacled jellyfish:



Make sure your helmets are well-rounded, though.

"Comb the dessert!"

A well-executed cupcake cake (hooy-patooty!) is great for crushing the other team's spirit.

"Choppin' broccoli!
I'm choppin' brocolay-hay!
I'm choppin' broccoli!"

Why, just look at the terror in their eyes:



Or you could confuse them with the abstract method:

"And that little pile of poo is a fleur de lis!"

[other team's minds exploding]

You could also try a little more Sparta than Super Bowl:

Hey, a football field is 300 feet.

And remember, when all else fails, try the ultimate offensive play:

Peeping Tom Brady. [shudder]

Thanks to Tim M., Cassidy S., Hunter F., Molly M., Erica B., Dena G., Amy K., & Lisa K., who think someone really should tell Giselle.