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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Just Funny (523)

Tuesday
Oct082013

Tiers for Fears

It's National Face Your Fears Day, my friends, so buckle up. You and me, we're gonna get through this.

See, the trick is to just tackle these things head on.

Unless it's giant spiders. NEVER TACKLE GIANT SPIDERS.

 

Er, everyone's afraid of being attacked by anthropomorphized melons bearing pointy plastic cutlery, right?

Right?

Well, I KNOW you're afraid of clowns, so here are a few time-tested techniques (from a former clown, I might add) for managing the Squeaky Nose heebie-jeebies:

 

1) Picture them naked:

But watch out for any funny squirting "flowers."

 

2) ... or dead:

They're far less likely to tie your intestines into balloon animals this way.

 

3) ... or better yet, naked AND dead.

[PICTURE REDACTED]

See? Not so scary now, right?

 

Perhaps you suffer from Anatidaephobia, the fear that a duck is watching you.

I'm told this is a duck.

 

Never fear, I have a solution for that, too! See, there's this new show out called "Duck Dynasty," and while I've never actually watched it, I am sure it can remove your fear of ducks watching you...

... and replace it with the fear of this cake watching you.

 

Then there's the appropriately named fear of long words - which I swear I am not making up - called "hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia."

This one is easily remedied; first, never tell anyone you have it.

Second, abbreviate everything.

It also helps to adopt a cryptic, mysterious air. People eat that stuff up, man.

 

And finally, for my fellow germaphobes:

Good luck with that.

 

I'm afraid that Genevieve G., Amy M., Amber, Nicole V., Kelsey W., Mandy B., Joelle P., Kelli P., & Andrea M. are all terribly nice people - even when they're brandishing plastic cutlery.

Friday
Oct042013

Drunken Debakery

October is Positive Attitude Month!

And today is Vodka Day!!

So let's do a little experiment: let's see if vodka makes you more positive about bad cakes.

(Because SCIENCE!)

Fortunately Jen, who has a tolerance only slightly lower than your average Mennonite squirrel, has agreed to be our test subject.

Let's begin.

 

Test Subject response after 2 sips of vodka:

"Ug. It's so... spurty. With the spurty bits on the sides. Spurty. Spuuurty. Spurty's a funny word, don't you think?" [peering into glass] "Can I have more of that raspberry stuff in this?"

 

Test Subject response after half a shot:

"Looks like a moldy glass of Guiness. GUINNESS GRACIOUS!! Ha! Ha! Ok." [staggering upright]
"Time to dance."

 

Test Subject after one full shot:

"YOU HAVE ANGERED THE TIKI GODS. Now we must sing.

[singing] "Said you like piña coloNICS!! Fungus cakes in the rain! If you're not into yoGURT!" [crawling towards living room] "I'mma... I'mma go pet the cats."

 

Test Subject response after 2 shots:

[flat on back, eyes closed] "... so I says to the guy, I says, "I know floral foam when I see it, man! I wrote a friggin' book!"

 

Test Subject response after 2 shots and five minutes:

o_O

[sound of running feet]
[bathroom door slamming]

 

Conclusion: While we need more data to determine the effect of vodka on positive attitudes, we can definitively conclude that Jen's attitude toward vodka has become slightly more negative. And also that we should probably bring her a moist towelette.

 

Thanks to Sarah L., Alison D., Rebecca B., Stephanie, and Wesa A. for the unwelcome knowledge that placenta cakes are a thing. URP.