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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Just Funny (524)

Wednesday
Sep252013

Then vs Now: Wrecks Edition

I love - LOVE - old cake photos. Not the pretty magazine ones, of course, but the yellowing snapshots of children's birthday cakes from 20 or 30 years ago. They're a total blast from the past, and even when they're all lopsided and misspelled and ridiculously wrecky, you just can't help but love them.

Like Sarah's here, from the 80s:

It's a one-armed Care Bear, of course. Holding a pair of lips. Stomping on something that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike grass.

 

Compare that with today's Care Bear cakes, and you'll find we've come a looong way, baby:

Oh, how we've grown.

 

Of course, the only thing better than vintage cake photos are vintage cake photos with the birthday kids in them:

That's CW reader Amanda P. with her cousin Ryan, and she tells me no one noticed his "Ghostbusters"cake was misspelled until her mom uploaded this pic to Facebook ... 22 years later. THIS IS WHY THE INTERNET EXISTS, PEOPLE. To pick apart our childhood memories. And to make me jealous of 4-year-old boys' TMNT t-shirts.

(I also like to think Amanda is dressed as a sailor as a subtle Stay Puft homage, because, c'mon, how awesome would that be?!)

 

If you're wondering what you get today when you order a Ghostbusters cake, though:

Kristen's husband picked up this "Ghostbusters cake," but neither of them have an explanation.
(Maybe it's supposed to be Slimer? Maybe?)

 

Still debating if that's worse than this one, though:

YOU. We're ready to believe... YOU. C'mon, bakers, don't you have the entire script of Ghostbusters memorized like the rest of us? I mean, REALLY.

 

Ok, just one more, in reverse. Here's a "modern" Barbie doll cake:

Come for the ridiculous sinking Barbie, stay for the bonus crotch photo bomb.

 

And here's the way most of us gals remember them from our childhood:

Ok, so maybe we'll call this one a draw.

 

Thanks to Sarah R., Tina H., Amanda P., Kristen C., Tiffany G., Linda G., & Celeste R. for the memories.

PS - I'm really getting a kick out of comparing vintage cakes to the newer ones, so if you have some old snapshots of your childhood birthday cakes around - professional or not - then please, send them in! I won't promise not to make fun of them, but I do promise I'll do it with lots of love. And maybe some bad puns. So, you know, the usual way.

Thursday
Sep192013

The Wreckers Who Don't Bake Pirate Things

Hey, it's Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Bo-ring.

Since everyone else is talking like pirates, I think we should sing like pirates!

***

 

♫  Arr arr ARR!!

We are the wreckers 

who don't bake pirate things!

Any ship we make

  Looks run-aground!

 

And if you ask us

To bake pirate things... 


We'll just tell you...

We can't bake pirate things.


Wellllllll weeeee've ... 

Never seen a doubloon

And our "octopus" ain't clever

And we think the Jolly Roger 

is that weird guy from the mall!

And our swords are always phallic

 Treasure Island's full of plassss-tic!

And our pirate chest 

looks like it took a fall!

'Cauuusssee weeee're the

Wreckerrrrs! 

Who can't bake pirate things


See, our skull and 'bones 

will astound!!

So if you ask us 

to bake pirate thiiinnngggsss...

We'll just tell you...

We can't bake pirate things.


***


There now. Arrrrrn't you glad we're done?


Thanks to Laura I., Vicki H., Cindy G., April L., Dianne P., Jeanne T., Courtney S., Sara H., Shannon T., and Steph R., who I trust have never kissed a chipmunk.


All together now, ye scalawags!