My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Just Funny (439)


Another Open Apology to Canada

So last week we had this troll in the comment section who wouldn't go away, forcing me to actually block someone for the first time ever.

(For those who don't know: a "troll" is someone who leaves inflammatory comments just to get a rise out of people. Things like, "Hitler rocked!" or "Grammer is stoopid" or "That poo pile looks scrumptious!")


So anyway, while I was in the process of blocking the troll, I kinda sorta accidentally blocked most of Canada.

The country.


In this context "shool" is Canada. Try to keep up.

Fortunately I noticed my mistake right away... a couple of days later.


But all is fixed now and I feel terrible about it so today's post is for you, Canada. Because we love you. And we love beaver tails. And poutine. And learning that pronouncing "poutine" like "poo-TAN" can get you in a lot of trouble. ("Excuse me, do you know where I can get some fresh poo-tan? Miss? What's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? And what's the pepper spray foOWWWAAUUUGGHHH!!")

(Really, Canada, whoever named your signature foods had their minds seriously close to the gutter.)

Now, where were we?

Oh, right: apologizing.


[tapping mike]
[queuing up a sultry beat]
[giving thumbs up to well-dressed backup singers]
[clearing luscious Barry White voice]


Canada, baaaaby...
I'm sorry, girl...

Well-dressed back up singers: "Heeeeee's reallyreallysorry SHOOP SHOOP!"


I'm sorry for, like, taking away your Cake Wrecks for two full days, baby.

"Neeeearly forty-eight hours SHOOP SHOOP!"


I know I work on a computer all day, girl, but sometimes even an expert can make a mistake.

"Heeeee's an expert in cat .gifs SHOOP SHOOP!"


But I know you put your trust in me, girl, and I know I can't give you all those hours back.

"Yooooouuu pro'ly got lots of work done SHOOP SHOOP!"


But if you give me another chance, Canada, girl, I promise I will wreck your world. Yeah. 'Cuz, Canada, baby?

(You may think it's a lie, but it's not.)


Thanks to Ted S., Allison S., Michelle M., Sara B., Ree P., Anony M., & Whitney B. for backing me up on this one. That synchronized snapping was STELLAR, you guys.


Pucker Up, St. Patrick!

Friends, tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, and that means you're going to be facing down a drunken horde wearing funny green hats and demanding that you kiss them. [KISS ME]

But I'm here to help. [KISS ME NOW!]


First, you should know that alcohol has a way of reducing inhibitions, and also that Oscar here may have sniffed a little too much finger paint yesterday:

"Let's get trashed!!"


Second, just because a person is Irish doesn't mean you have to kiss them.

I'm getting some mixed signals here, to be honest.

Hey, this is a free country! You can kiss any one or any thing you want! Still, there are a few red flags to watch for when deciding whether or not someone is worthy of the ol' lip lock.

Things like...

Noticeable drool:

"The claaaawww."


Excessive, creepy staring:

"Your hide will make a fine poncho!"


Excessive, creepy tongue:

"Yiiiiipth yipth yipth yipth yipth yipth..."


Now let's run through a quick role-playing exercise, so I can show you how to gracefully escape any awkward kissing-negotiation situation:

Hopeful Would-Be Kisser:

"Well hello there." [eyebrow waggle] "As you can see by my funny green hat and pipe, I am obviously Irish! So you have to kiss me!"

[puckering up and leaning in]


Unenthusiastic Kiss Avoidee:

[ **** ]


Newly Unnerved Would-Be Kisser:

"Oh...uh...I say! Look at that thing over there that I have to go attend to immediately! Er...nice... meeting you?"


See? Works every time! And this is a fool-proof strategy, because it places you squarely in the "excessive creepy staring" category, which no one wants to tangle with.

Just be careful you don't take it too far:

On the plus side, he won every staring contest. Consecutively.


Thanks to Renee B., Kristen S., Meredith B., Darice & Sean, Anony M., Chris, Pamela H., June S., & Jaycee for the lucky break.