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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Just Funny (586)

Monday
Nov062017

A Day In The Life

Jen and I are often asked what it's like to be "professional" bloggers. How do we spend our days? Do we have a swimming pool filled with gold coins? Are there fantastic parties and gourmet ketchups? The answer to all these questions is yes. Jen even has a green dress. (But not a real green dress. That's cruel.)

That doesn't mean it's all fun and games, though. Sometimes we take naps.

In fact, I think I'll keep a diary for a day, just so you can see firsthand the "glorious life" of the "Professional Blogger." Enjoy!

 

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1:00 pm - Woke up to cats hammering on door and yowling. Note to self: get thicker door. Also, new cats.

 

 

"Mrow?"

 

 

1:35 pm - Cats' yowls going super sonic. Ear plugs ineffective. Time for the Super Soaker.

 

 

"Mruh Mroh."

 

 

2:10 pm - Jen's awake. Cats are hiding. I ask in my best Kirk impression (complete with hand gestures), "JEN! Are... you... readytobe... funny? We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill!"

 

Jen:

 

Note to self: Avoid Kirk impressions before Jen's fully awake.

 

3:45 pm - Checked on Jen in the office. She has 27 browser tabs open and is humming "Loathing." So far, so good.

5:20 pm - Jen comes out of her office to reheat some "breakfast."

 

Pizza and Maalox: breakfast of champions.

 

7:20 pm - A yell from the office: "Oy! What're some puns for 'lactating?'"

 

7:32 pm - Final tally: Milking it, so cheesy, really sucks, staying abreast of the whole situation, whipped into a frenzy, creamy complexion, skim off the top, nipped a pair of area oreos

 

8:15 pm - Maniacal laughter coming from office.

8:21 pm
- Loud sobs coming from office.

8:30 pm
- Colorful swearing coming from office. Huh. Rapid mood swings may indicate low blood sugar. I bring Jen a cookie.

 

Effect is immediate. "Ohh, and also 'eat, drink, and be dairy!'"

 

10:45 pm - Heading to McDonald's for lunch.

 

Thank goodness we're not food bloggers. (Oh. Wait...)

 

 

12:20 am- Break time. Watching Castle with Jen.

 

 

*snorfle*

 

2:15 am- Jen heads back to the office. I'm off to bed.

 

(This was supposed to say "Just because." Seriously.)

 

 

3:35 am - Woken by a loud yell. Rushed out to find Jen staring horror-struck at a new e-mail:

 

 

"Why? WHY?!?"

 

 

4:04 am - Convinced Jen to come to bed. She lies in the dark, muttering, "Can't sleep. Lobster in blond wig will eat me."

 

I think it's going to be another long night.


Thanks to Lyle, James, Alistair, Carissa, Amanda M., Helen W., Elizabeth M., Kristin S., Eilen, Tyler O., Dana S., & Beatrice Y., for helping us avoid "real" jobs. Now: nap time!

*****

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Monday
Oct302017

Halloween Tips

Tomorrow's the big day, people, so before you hit the streets to go trick-or-treating, here are some useful "guidelines" for having a safe and scream-worthy night:

Never accept rides from strangers. 

Especially if you see fingers hanging out of the trunk.

 

 Wear reflective clothing:

Or just something so unbelievably hideous that people won't be able to NOT notice you. You know, like Crocs and a Speedo. (As a bonus: EVERYONE will want your picture!)

 

Watch out for roving gangs of lower-case Ms:

They're vicious this time of year. VICIOUS.

 

If you're trying to scare someone, don't yell "Boo!" It's not scary enough. 

Instead yell, "SCARY BOO!"

 It also helps if you can throw spiders on them.

 

Never assume you know what someone's costume is. 

 One person's Elvis is another's Dracula, and you really don't need that kind of awkwardness.

"I vant choo to stay off of my blue svade shoos! Muah! Ah! Ah!"

 

ALWAYS SAY "THANK YOU."

Even if they give you crap candy like generic lollipops and little bags of candy corn*:

*Actual candy we will be giving out on Halloween. Plus little boxes of Milk Duds. Y'all come by, y'hear?

 

And try to look grateful when you're saying "thank you," too -  not like this:

"This is my happy face."

 

Lastly, and mostly importantly...

BEWARE THE TOILET PAPER TERROR:

 He also goes by "The Spirit of Gasses Past."

 

Thanks to Carly T.,  Leah K., Catherine S., Chryss A., Kris D., Chris B., Brianna M., Denil B., & Jennifer G. for really wiping the floor with these wrecks.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.