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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Just Funny (505)

Tuesday
Jun282016

Hiya, CHUM (Cake Wrecks "Celebrates" Shark Week)

[pacing] Here's the thing, minions:

I don't like sharks.

"Candygram?"

"NOPE."

 

Why not? Well, they're all cold-blooded - all of them! - and they like, LIVE at the beach, and then there's always gross stuff in their teeth you have to PRETEND you don't see and it just gets awkward, you know?

"Sorry, but you've got a... seal? I think?... yeah, right there. No, you missed it. Still there. Nuh-uh. Look, can I get you a toothpick? Or a splintered oar?"

 

I mean, sure, it sounds fun to stock the moat of your futuristic evil lair with sharks with friggin' laser beams on their heads, but here's another thing you may not know: sometimes sharks look at each other. Can we talk about the mess? Because OH MY GOSH THE MESS.

And put that bowl down, Francois, because I told you I don't like shark fin soup, and if that shows up again at dinner there WILL be heck to pay.

 

Ahem. So. Minions. I'm told this week is "Shark Week," and that we're supposed to "celebrate" somehow. Well let me ask you, how does someone who hates sharks celebrate Shark Week?

Because I think they do it... like this:

MWUAHHAHAHAHAHA!!

Lookit the little weeny shark, all scared and silly looking!

 

Ah, but wait, minions, because I have a REAL treat coming out next. Francois?

[whipping off white sheet]

TADAAAAAA.... oh.

Huh. I guess that's all that was left after the lasers.

But hey, dig in!

 

Thanks to Leslie W., Jodee R., Trudy B., Viktoria P., & Nikki V. for being the best minions to ever minion... today.

*****

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Monday
Jun202016

World's Greatest Cake Wreck Gets Drop-Kicked In Our Lap

You may have heard about the Michigan woman who allegedly "drop-kicked" a Kroger birthday cake last week. Apparently she "was not satisfied" (ya think?) with the Batman vs Superman cake she ordered, and tried to go behind the bakery counter to fix it herself.

Of course this is a big no-no, so when employees intervened the women decided the cake was better served as a football. The resulting kerfuffle “caused pieces of cake and frosting to be strewn about,” police said. A witness reported the woman “threw the cake to the ground, stepped on it several times, and yelled, ‘They (expletive) ruined my 7-year-old’s birthday cake!’”

On her way out, the unhappy patron also allegedly kicked over a “wet floor” sign.

Guess which of those lines was my favorite.

Now, I think we can all agree this kind of behavior is reprehensible, but let's be honest: the real crime here is NO ONE TOOK VIDEO.

But don't you worry, we are here to help.

So please enjoy this helpful recreation:

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED.

And lest you think we here at Cake Wrecks are condoning public cake destruction, minions, allow me to present:

5 Reasons NOT To Drop-Kick A Cake

#1 Jeremy has to clean it up

And Jeremy has finals this week, so give the guy a break, okay?

 

#2 You can still eat it

Does this cake look like disease?
Yes.

But just scrape off the most tumor-y lookin' stuff, and it's good to go!

 

#3: No One Likes A Cake-Kicker

Would you kick a puppy?
Of course not.
So why kick something that tastes so much better?

 

#4 You could hurt your foot

And if you think Mr. Hunky Fireman/EMT is going to sweep a cake-kicker off her feet, fuggetaboutit.

 

#5 The cake could always be worse

Please. Have you read this blog? It could ALWAYS be worse.

 

 

 

Always.

So remember, minions, the next time you want to kick a cake, take a picture and send it to us instead. It'll be cathartic. Promise.

 

Thanks to Andrea T., Jennifer A., Christina B., Brandy R., Atala, Brenda J., Kid F., Naomi J., & the hundreds of people who sent in the drop-kick story. It warms our cockles to know rampant cake destruction makes you guys think of us.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.