[pacing] Here's the thing, minions:
I don't like sharks.
Why not? Well, they're all cold-blooded - all of them! - and they like, LIVE at the beach, and then there's always gross stuff in their teeth you have to PRETEND you don't see and it just gets awkward, you know?
"Sorry, but you've got a... seal? I think?... yeah, right there. No, you missed it. Still there. Nuh-uh. Look, can I get you a toothpick? Or a splintered oar?"
I mean, sure, it sounds fun to stock the moat of your futuristic evil lair with sharks with friggin' laser beams on their heads, but here's another thing you may not know: sometimes sharks look at each other. Can we talk about the mess? Because OH MY GOSH THE MESS.
And put that bowl down, Francois, because I told you I don't like shark fin soup, and if that shows up again at dinner there WILL be heck to pay.
Ahem. So. Minions. I'm told this week is "Shark Week," and that we're supposed to "celebrate" somehow. Well let me ask you, how does someone who hates sharks celebrate Shark Week?
Because I think they do it... like this:
Lookit the little weeny shark, all scared and silly looking!
Ah, but wait, minions, because I have a REAL treat coming out next. Francois?
[whipping off white sheet]
Huh. I guess that's all that was left after the lasers.
But hey, dig in!
Thanks to Leslie W., Jodee R., Trudy B., Viktoria P., & Nikki V. for being the best minions to ever minion... today.